A Black Rose In My Garden ( Archived) (13)

Through fall,into winter,as I carried you..
Already had lost one son,the first of two..
I was so happy to feel you kick..
And move inside,and wishing it was time..
You were beautiful for a boy..
I was so proud,when you where around..
Cowboy boots,hat,and guns..
You were a hand full son..
Picked on your sister..
As you grow in to a fine young man..
Anger hit you hard,in an already hard world..
Your father was taken,and now gone..
Feeling like you should take charge,at 11yrs. of age..
Son I was so proud ,you were playing man of the house..
You grow stronger and yes,so did your anger..
Watching me hide away,feeling lost and not so strong..
My little cowboy was a man,no smiles though..
Just alone and feeling undeserving..
Your pain,I watched grow and grow..
I couldn't stop you,no matter which way you'd go..
Your friends enabled you,help you to chose your path..
Now where sunshine was, darkness grows..
A black Rose in my garden,is all I can see..
Three years since you've seen me..
The bottle is your way of life..
My heart aches with pain,my only son..
I use to feel the same as you..
And because of you,I turned it around..
Yes, son I take my blame,for what is mine..
And well regret it until they put me in the ground..
I pray, before that happens,I see you rise again..
Your hair of gold and with your fathers grin..
I have to turn my head,the hurt is hard to bare..
A black rose in my garden,grow for you..
I can do for it what I can't for you my son..
God will have to guide you,when you chose..
For this is one battle,I have fought not to lose..

Dedicated to my son ..Joel,I will always love you,mom


Sharon A Fike 01/24/06

Chance
Being a Mother myself, my heart goes out to you. When my daughter first got with her boyfriend / now husband, he refused to let her see any member of her family for a year and a half. God, it tore my heart and soul APART. Now I get to see her once every 2 or 3 monthes, but I get to talk to her on the phone.
I honestly don't know HOW you do it. I pray he will come around.


Love, Rose.

Rose,

I learned to turn over things to God,I'm
a spiritual person..Things in my hand turn
to crap..I use to try to talk to him,than it
just made things worst..I got a christmas
card from his son, "Grandma I Hope I get to
see you again sometime"..thats what breaks
my heart,the kids have to pay for our mistakes..
Thank you Rose,just cause there not at home
doesn't mean you stop worrying..Chance

There are promises that a parent can hold on to in the darkest of times...
"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from them...."
it's hard to let go and let them grow up

Tanzer,

Nice to met you.I agree stand back and letting
go is the hardest thing a parent has to do..
especially if there headed in the wrong direction..

Thank you,chance

nics Sharon

Thanks cajun!

From your heart again young lady.

A friend said to me once.
Detach with love,and i did,and it worked for both concerned.

Peter

Peter,

Thank you,He use to break my heart..Now that
I've turned,he has to make his own way back..
I'm glad I didn't stop writing,this pain
would still be with me..And I want to start
my life other..hopefully this time with
out so much pain..I love my son..His choice
not mine..I have let go..Sharon