Friday is here so time to have a little fun ( Archived) (12)

There is only one rule here: you must post a joke


Did you hear the one about the agnostic, dyslexic insomoniac?


He spent all night awake wondering whether there was a "dog"

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and
fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.

''Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.''

Watson replies, ''I see millions of stars.''

‘‘what does that tell you?''

Watson ponders for a minute. ''Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there
are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it
tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a
quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we
are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful
day tomorrow. What does it tell you?''

Holmes is silent for a moment, and then speaks. ''Watson, you idiot, someone
has stolen our tent.''

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding across the plains one day, when Tonto suddenly cocked his ear at a passing falcoln's cry. "Kemosabe... Apache to East!" he whispered.

The Lone Ranger looked to his faithful companion. "What do we do?"

Tonto pondered a moment. "We ride West!"

After riding a short while, Tonto again paused, searching the horizon with his eagle-sharp eyes. "Kemosabe... Apache to West!"

The Masked Man looked once again at his friend. "What should we do?"

Tonto scratched his head in thought. "We ride North!"

After a brief ride, Tonto stopped to scent the breeze. "Kemosabe... Apache to North!"

"What do we do now?" his companion asked.

Without hesitation, Tonto replied, "We ride South!"

Within minutes, Tonto reigned in his horse and dropped to the ground. Placing his ear to the earth, he listened intently. "Kemosabe... Apache to South!"

Worried, the Lone One asked him, "NOW what do we do?"

Tonto thought hard for a moment, his eyes squinting in concentration. Then his face lit up. "What do you mean "WE", White Man?"

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said,
"Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass
every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

I'm the joke.

Just in case you've had a rough day (or week) , here's an 8 step stress
management technique recommended in the latest psychological texts. It
really works...

1. Picture yourself near a stream.

2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.

3. No one but you knows your secret place.

4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "The World."

5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of
serenity.

6. The water is crystal clear.

7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater.

8. See? You're smiling already

~~~Awwww...come on guys this is my best joke....