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Need a laugh?.............help yourself............. ( Archived) (12)

Sep 29, 2008 11:40 PM CST Need a laugh?.............help yourself.............
hollandgirl
hollandgirlhollandgirlSomewhere in Canada. B.C., British Columbia Canada711 Threads 6,072 Posts
There was this car that was driving very slowly down the highway. A State Trooper pulls it over. "What have I done wrong, officer?" the driver asks.
"You are going 26mph on a major highway. There is a law against that," the officer says to the driver. "You must go at least 50mph."
"But when I turned on the highway, the sign said 26!" the driver replies.
"HA HA HA!" The officer laughs out loud. "That is because this is Interstate 26! The 26 isn't the speed limit!"
The driver leans back in her car seat and the cop sees another woman sitting beside her. She looked as pale as a ghost.
"What happened to her?" the officer asks.
"I don't know, but she has been that way ever since we got off of interstate 160.

After a car crash one of the drivers is lying injured at the side of the road. 'Don't worry,' said a policeman, a Red Cross nurse is coming to attend to you.'
Oh no,' groaned the victim, 'couldn't I have a blonde, cheerful one?'


I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.


What do you do if you see a spaceman?
Park your car in it man.

A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky. An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket. "How did you know I was speeding?" the frustrated driver asked.
The police officer pointed somberly towards the sky.
"You mean," asked the motorist, "that even He is against me?"


A man in a Porsche 911 stops at a stoplight and a guy on a scooter pulls up next to him. The guy on the scooter leans over and takes an admiring look at the inside of the Porsche and tells the driver that he has a really hot car. Well, the light turned green so the driver of the Porsche decides to show off and peels out and leaves the guy on the scooter in the dust. Then, all of a sudden, he sees the scooter zip on past him. So, being a little cocky, the Porsche driver floors it again and blows past the guy on the scooter. A few seconds later, he again sees the scooter zip on past him. So now he's a little irate as well as a little mifted that that scooter keeps passing him so he floors it until he is going over 100 mph. He thinks to himself that there would be no way that scooter could catch him now, but then looks in the rearview mirror and sees that scooter starting to catch up. He then decides to find out what that scooter really is and slams on his brakes. Then the scooter crashes into the Porsche. After the dust settled, the Porsche driver sees the scooter driver lying in the road and goes over to him and askes how he could go as fast as the Porsche on a little wimpy scooter... The dying man replied, "I can't really, but my suspenders were caught on your side mirror...."


You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.


A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge said, "What will you take: 30 days or $30?" The man thought and replied, "I think I'll take the money.

A traffic cop flagged down a motorist and said, 'I'm arresting you for going through three red lights.'
'Yeah, well, I'm colour blind,' said the motorist.
'In addition to that, you were exceeding the speed limit,' said the policeman. 'So what?' said the motorist. 'And on top of all that you were going the wrong way down a one-way street,' added the officer. 'I always did have a lousy sense of direction,' said the motorist with a smile.
At that point, his wife leaned forward from the ,back seat and said, 'Don't pay any attention to him, officer. He always talks like this when he's had a few drinks.'


Motorist: 'But, officer, I was speeding because I'm late for an appointment with my lawyer.'
Policeman: 'Well, now you've got something else to tell him.'
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Sep 29, 2008 11:45 PM CST Need a laugh?.............help yourself.............
bigdaddy007
bigdaddy007bigdaddy007small town, South Dakota USA11 Threads 325 Posts
You rock keep em going....i love to see every new post you put up....thumbs up thumbs up rolling on the floor laughing
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Sep 30, 2008 12:02 AM CST Need a laugh?.............help yourself.............
hollandgirl
hollandgirlhollandgirlSomewhere in Canada. B.C., British Columbia Canada711 Threads 6,072 Posts
bigdaddy007: You rock keep em going....i love to see every new post you put up....


Well thank you bigdaddy it is nice to have a fan. (Club?) rolling on the floor laughing
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Mar 17, 2009 4:22 PM CST Need a laugh?.............help yourself.............
hollandgirl
hollandgirlhollandgirlSomewhere in Canada. B.C., British Columbia Canada711 Threads 6,072 Posts
bigdaddy007: You rock keep em going....i love to see every new post you put up....


I need more funnies to day do you? rolling on the floor laughing
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Mar 17, 2009 4:33 PM CST Need a laugh?.............help yourself.............
roseofsharon
roseofsharonroseofsharonmanchester, Hampshire, England UK70 Threads 3 Polls 11,702 Posts
Just great!! thumbs up
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing


"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive"?? Au contraire, I learned to swear when others learned to drive..... mumbling

laugh
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Mar 17, 2009 4:50 PM CST Need a laugh?.............help yourself.............
hollandgirl
hollandgirlhollandgirlSomewhere in Canada. B.C., British Columbia Canada711 Threads 6,072 Posts
My first mistake was letting my ex teach me in a car with a stick shift.
Yeah you guesed it, everytime I forgot to push in the clutch help
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Mar 17, 2009 4:52 PM CST Need a laugh?.............help yourself.............
a state trooper pulled in behind a motorist who was doing the speed limit when all of a sudden the motorist sped tp 85 ,the trooper stayed behind him with the lights and sirens on, the motorist sped to 110, after a 10 mile chase the man pulled over and the somewhat irritated trooper asked you were within the speed limit and i know you saw me . after i turned my lights and siren on you went to 110 why / if you can give me a good reason i'll let you go. the man smiled and told my wife ran off with a state trooper and i thought you were him bringing her back.
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Mar 17, 2009 5:08 PM CST Need a laugh?.............help yourself.............
virgiomonkey
virgiomonkeyvirgiomonkeyAuckland, New Zealand2 Threads 7,358 Posts
........................thumbs up rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing ......
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Mar 17, 2009 5:16 PM CST Need a laugh?.............help yourself.............
hollandgirl
hollandgirlhollandgirlSomewhere in Canada. B.C., British Columbia Canada711 Threads 6,072 Posts
Y
caspatch: a state trooper pulled in behind a motorist who was doing the speed limit when all of a sudden the motorist sped tp 85 ,the trooper stayed behind him with the lights and sirens on, the motorist sped to 110, after a 10 mile chase the man pulled over and the somewhat irritated trooper asked you were within the speed limit and i know you saw me . after i turned my lights and siren on you went to 110 why / if you can give me a good reason i'll let you go. the man smiled and told my wife ran off with a state trooper and i thought you were him bringing her back.


Some men here will laugh or shiver with you.
Ah the romance and sweet love...........peace
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Mar 17, 2009 5:19 PM CST Need a laugh?.............help yourself.............
hollandgirl: Y

Some men here will laugh or shiver with you.
Ah the romance and sweet love...........
and the thought of paying alimony after paying his wage frustrated frustrated drinking it is worth itrolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Mar 17, 2009 6:23 PM CST Need a laugh?.............help yourself.............
Crystalpistol2
Crystalpistol2Crystalpistol2La Grange Park, Illinois USA47 Threads 606 Posts
You keep me in stitches. rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Mar 17, 2009 7:12 PM CST Need a laugh?.............help yourself.............
hollandgirl
hollandgirlhollandgirlSomewhere in Canada. B.C., British Columbia Canada711 Threads 6,072 Posts
I went into some old post as someone is asking me for them.
Some are well know but I myself love to read them over again.
Anything that can make my day and yes others their day too.
rolling on the floor laughing
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by hollandgirl (711 Threads)
Created: Sep 2008
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