Being a Widow seems to carry a Stigma. (24)

Welcome any thoughts on this subject from all the guys and gals on the Irish CS. As one myself I have felt that I am not invited to the parties etc., that was useto when I had my husband. Men shun me and women are scared of me. So I am left out of what is or was my social life. All thoughts welcome. Cheers.

Same as any woman on her own.

I find other women the worst though. They see women who are on their own, for any reason, as a threat. I have seen so many women "mark their territory" when there is a single woman around. I take it as their insecurity.

Thankyou Wexlady, I cannot believe the way people have changed towards me in the last 2 years. I feel like I have got a disease now. I do notice women watching their men more around me. Why I don't want their guys. I would have expected support instead I got ostricised like Persona Non Grata!! Friends have vanished off the planet! Still life goes on eh! The only time I get a call from a friend is when they want something from me, or to pick my brain. I am frankly fed up with it. I am not really vicious towards my husband for dying on me. Its just too hard. Cheers.

I am a widow now for nearly 10 years and at the time John died, my social life went out the window as i just focused on the children. But i never got any of that shunning you talk about. I have always been included in everything social even weddings on my own. It was hard at first to accept invitations but over time i am comfortable with it.
But then my social life changed as well i now have a different social circle of friends compared to when i was part of a couple as most of the couples we went out with were John's friends.

And then 2 years ago my son signed me up on CS and have made my social life a hell of alot bigger and have met some nice as well as not so nice people....


But can i remind you when you become a widow or widower your whole life goes thru a life changing process, as grief effects different people in different ways. So you are vunerable and over sensitive to things that didnt matter before the change. Well that just my personal expirences and thoughts on it....take care

hi TheKid52,
i have had simmular experinces myself having lost my own partner some years ago,i sing and play a little guitar,iv noticed with some of the songs ive written about my partner,theres a terrible element of jelousy on hearing thiem from some women,its almost as if the seem to think that i wont love another,which is totally untrue,otherwise i wouldent be here, all love and relationships differ,and are totally uniqe to the two induviduals concerend,its a bit like even though you were a good loving partner all those years,your judged on it for some strange reason,i dont know why this would be,it dosent make any since to me thats for sure,were all trying to move on with life and the future,and everyone has a past,i certanally never judged anyone because of their past marrital status,i dont know why people do that, immaturity in whats really inportant in life i gess, martin

Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply. We are slightly different as I have no children and that makes a hell of a difference to how people feel about you. It is true that as a couple you were accepted in all areas of social life and being alone is an entirely different matter. Grief well I still have no idea what I feel anymore about life. I enjoy the people on here they are great and have been so nice. Some of the guys are total asses but they are usually from another country. I think I am a target for the young ones who just fancy a leg over and think wow a woman of that age alone, she could go for it. I do talk to my Husband each day and ask him why he died on me and left me in the world alone, no he has not reponded. I just live and work and thats it for now. Thanks again.

Hi Martin I am so sorry to hear of your loss too! It is really hard to put up with the way you are treated its for sure like you just don't exist. I had my only life long partner who knew me and had the unconditional love for me. He knew me inside out and never whinged about the spare tyre, the fat legs, the belly, in fact he loved it. How to start all over again with a new person who would look at me and think Christ she is fat. I could not take the recriminations of that from a new man. Most think that I am very wealthy too which is another wounder in moving on. Widows usually are well taken care of, in my case I was wounded by not being of a certain religion and lost everything. I am not crying over that. I just feel the stigma is very strong especially here in UK. Thanks a lot Martin for that and taking the time to talk. Cheers.