When you're trying to survive
it is important to know that you are indestructable
and nothing can harm you
so therefore you can do anything you want
When faced with a bear the best thing to do is clap it on the ears
and then just stand there and glare at it
When faced with an alligator you should approach it and
grabbing ahold of each jaw with both hands pull it apart
because their jaws are very weak
To ward off mosquitos run a lot and get really sweaty
that will ward them off
To save yourself from a dog attack make cat noises
and if that doesn't work try biting Fido on the nose
To save yourself from a mountain lion attack run away
as fast as you can and if it does get to you which it shouldn't
cause they're not that fast but if it should keep moving around
that will save your life
When in the desert stay in the sun to get a good tan
and keep your spirits up with a good vitamin D boost
and don't worry about finding water
it rains all the time in the desert
If in the artic look for a polar bear
kill it with your bare hands and use its fur coat to stay toasty
When swimming in the Amazon River
you don't have to worry about pirahna attacks because they only
attack animals their own size
If you follow these survival tips you will not only survive
you will thrive anywhere