I have sailed these waters for far too long. I am so close to wrapping myself with the chains that hold my ship to these turbulent tides. I am tired of sailing into port and when they hear the name of my mighty vessel, they turn their backs to me. Casting me back into the ocean's vastness. I am not welcome in this port either. I am weary of sailing. I am weary with hunger and thirst. I am weary. I grow close to death and wish for nothing less than the bay of the pigs.
I shall sail into calypso's harbor to be entranced into the form of the swine i hate so. To be loved for a mere moment before she turns on me and turns me into something vile and used for the meat eaten by man. Better to be consumed than to live sailing the world with no bed to call my own or a place to drop anchor. A woman to welcome me from my voyage through the waters of death, vastness that drives men to madness. Into the west, perhaps. Into the Gray Havens. Deep into the underworld where only Hades welcomes me. I am ready to give up. I'm tired of my deppressive state and darkness, the natural reaction, being unwelcome and uncompassioned. I'm tired of giving my soul to someone to judge and being judged unworthy. I'm tired of them looking at me as vile as if i'm found under a rock, white and wriggling. The look of disgust on their face. I wish they could feel the pain within me at their look, at how they respond to me. But it doesnt matter to them or almost anyone else. I am a monster to them. And so i wander the social sea looking for someone who will love me. As of now, only calypso with her brood of swine loves me. Kiss me and turn me into something consumable. To escape this Odyssey of eternal solitude. I grow weary. I am so done. Done. Done.