I can only speak for myself here for it's an issue that I should know one or two things about (hopefully).
I was always an open minded person and for a time when I was a kid didn't understand why people (older than 6) looked at me as if I was coming from another planet or dimension. But I was brought up with older siblings and I learned that I had to fight for my share in the pack...
I didn't need to use my wheelchair at that time but my legs were bent so that explained people's stares and comments (apparently they didn't realise I understood perfectly what they were saying)
And I was brought up by people judging me by appearances and I was insecure especially during my teenage years mainly because people think that because you're physically different you fit into a neat category with pre-defined traits and characteristics.
I travelled around the world because my family liked to travel. I learned about cultures and different people which ironically made me feel more at home with difference than with the same. I felt that basically people did judge other people by appearances ... but then not all people were like that. That generalisation is in itself a judgement I presumed.
To complicate matters, three years ago I went blind. And I noticed that the judgement on my appearance doubled. For people didn't understand or believe that a wheelchair user could also be blind.. and that made my life for a time a living hell.
Not only did this mean I got the same old same patronising comments but I also got people believeing my life was a tragedy. And sometimes, when I faced such people, it wasn't easy and i wondered.
In this period I made friends that I couldn't see but only listen to. And that brings me to six weeks ago when my vision was restored in one eye
Besides having to change my profile again (!) I realised that I had made friends with people that I wouldn't have made friends with based on appearance. Which slightly upset me as I thought I went beyind that. I was also disappointed in the fact that my image of myself had changed so dramatically that I had to get used to seeing myself in the mirror (hold your tongue please).
And now I'm just settling down to my new life. I think that after all this is that for all I know, it's part of our nature to judge by appearance but this may lead us to making fatal errors of judgement .. on the other hand it may help us realise that for all intents and purposes appearance is a matter of who we are in the world, what experiences we were thought at school, and our own characters and personalities.
The danger is, and I include myself here, is to assume that our world view is always correct, valid and true.
Hope I answered your question. It was quite thought provoking (at least it appeared to me!)
i don't like generalisations of any kind as I know firsthand how they tend to strip you of your individuality and dignity as a human being. I feel that putting people into one category has two effects.
first it perpetuates the idea that there is some kind of proper way of being human which in turn is subject to other socially acceptable traits
second it provokes fear and enforces ignorance of the generalised people making their existence an issue at the mercy of those enforcing policy.
i believe that I can be accused of advocating relativism here but what i am saying is that often people label other people before they have even known them and that's what maddens me. And it's not a matter simply of politicians bur we sometimes fall into the pitfalls of judging by appearances
In doing so we reduce what is our diverse human heritage and destroy any chance of learning from other people. it's not nice to have the door shut down in your face (so to speak: before you've even opened your mouth
If you're in the public eye, it's very difficult to keep your private life apart. That's a fact.
I agree that to some extent the public and private spheres of a public person should be left separate. However, if a judge is found to be accepting bribery, you cannot hold the two spheres separate. Sometimes there are certain limits to what can be tolerated as part of the personal realm.
After all, the people I assume you're talking about have a high degree of power and/or influence.
I'm not exactly new to CS but as I believe that we are in a constant state of change, there are times when we have made significant changes in our lives to merit a second chance.
My profile contains much of the information that I thought was appropriate for the prying eyes of the public. I also like to write extensively (as some may tell from my past posts) and I'm generally very logical in my arguments except when I'm either tired or depressed which sometimes happens
That said, this post is not about me. It's about the new blue version of me that should be standing on the left side of this post! So, that's a pic that I took myself so if you have any complaints about the photographer please go easy on him
My secret life, well, started off in 1981 and then <deleted content< and I'm now here here writing this post. It's a very concise autobiography if I say so myself. By the way, I did write a novel in my late teens but that's another story. I can assure you it's longer than this autobiography!!
Really, what I wanted was some feedback on my new pic but I got carried away. So sorry...
Of course you have a point here. I am not comfortable with referring to conceptions of 'normaality' except that I recognise that at least in our cultural contexts, relationships play a significant part of our meaning as individuals. And essentially I believe that what we have here is a basic human longing to be with a mate that is central to the question. After all. despite what some critics say, there is no one universal love but there is a universality in the attainment of a love, whatever cultural contexts are present. Hope this makes sense to some but to my defence, I am soon off to sleep!!!
The short answer is yes you're normal and we all pass through moments when we reminiscince about our past love(s). The fact is that if when you have loved someone or when you realise that you were in love with someone, you would be inhuman to just forget and move on just like that.
I mean even if you move on I feel there will always be that something tied to that person that gives you something to dream about, to hope in and to get you through the night (speaking from experience!!!)
I wouldn't worry too much if I were you. True, you shouldn't obsess about it or make this the centre of your day. But it's natural to feel what you're feeling.
Don't be ashamed of this feeling. It's neither good or bad. It just means that you have experienced something very special.
I wouldn't find any problems with that ... except that I wouldn't think it's something that is exactly appropriate for a first date.
But if she felt comfortable enough to confide such a thing, it might mean one of two things. Either she's too trusting or else she is ok with being herself. But at that stage I'll remain speechless for sure.
1. IMAGINE - THE BEATLES 2. THE BOXER - SIMON AND GARFUNKEL 3. COMFORTABLY NUMB - PINK FLOYD 4. STAND BY Me - John Lennon 5. ANOTHER SUITCASE IN ANOTHER HALL (from ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER)
Difficult one to answer ... many good responses so far
But I think the thing that I value most is authenticity ... being yourself no matter what ... sticking up for what you believe in ... and loving who you are.
With that love and compassion are also qualities I extremely value but as we are a combination of many elements I think that if I should have to choose over anything, I would choose that which is true, for that which is true can reveal itself and give a chance to love.
I don't like to use it (unless I'm not teasing) because I know it's patronising... and rather demeaning.
I do get called that sometimes ... and no I'm not pulling your leg ... being a wheelchair user gets out the strangest of behaviour in people .. and it's rather humiliating for the one on the receiving end to be told that (in private or in public!)
So I can understand the feeling.
I hate pet names
Besides all that, calling people that way sometimes means that they've got no sincere remarks to make
Age is not an issue for me. But I tend to stick to a range of five minus or plus. But compatible, I believe, is not related to age. After all, you get people you can relate to and fall in love at all ages.
There are many important factors to consider that are more important to me.. but that's my piece of mind
I've been having confusing exchanges lately ... and I'm not sure if it's me or something. I need to ask this question... if people are on CS are they single or have a boyfriend or girlfriend?
I'm asking because if the answer is yes, some people might get in deep trouble! I'm single, and by that I mean that I'm not in a relationship. Fullstop.
So why do I discover that there's a boyfriend hidden somewhere after a while. I don't want to be picky here. But if you're searching for other social contacts, I think it's only fair to put it somewhere or mention it in the profile..
I can't really offer you advice as such ... but only thigs I've learned in my life.
First of all, you should never 'sacrifice' yourself to anyone - howevee great your love is - and that means you respect yourelf and share in your love rather than give yourself to it.
Secondly, you are putting all women under one umbrella. As if all women are the same. Of course they share the experiences of being women but you'll dind all sorts of personalities and characters that are diverse.
Thirdly, I have grown to appreciate that when I was in a relationship (mostly friendships) with a woman, I discovered things in myself that helped me grow in my self-understanding. I feel that love is a process rather than an end product.
When I love someonne, I am not giving myself to her (in my case) but rather being with that person and opening my heart to the other person. Although in the past, I admit to have been wanting to be loved and in the process forgetting who I was. Don't do that.
In most cases, I seriously doubt it. Unless you've got a lot of cash stacked, a deteined conviction in the relationship and time on your hands there will be great problems.
Perhaps keeping in touch today is not such a big issue due to advancement in technology. However, good as they may be, modern technological progress that enables long distance love can also distort the 'real' person and create a love based on 'ideal' or little pieces of the jigsaw.
For instance, I might really be a billionaire living on my own island writing this and pretending to be a guy from Malta
Seriously now, besides the points raised earlier, there is a danger that you get into a trap and enter into something that you might regret later. The best of this worst case scenarious may be that he or she posted another's photo, and the worse is that you get involved with a married individual. Worse of worse, you may lose money or even your life.
I know that on CS profiles are monitored, so you're pretty safe. But there's that risk in long dating relationships.
Now i'll ask my personal pilot to circle the Amazon forest because it's getting boring in the Bahamas
I know of what you speak of, The hope thrown in space and time. Of finding one who understands, with whom time and space does stop.
I have covered lands and seas, the ocean depths and empty fields. The stars and planets I journeyed to find my twinning star.
Alas again for we have met once and in the universe did dance but now I am lost again and wish that I could find your name or know your face
But as you and I do hide in the bodies that do cover us, lost in our worlds and seemingly lonely paths there is a chance that we will never touch or dance in this lifetime.
Soothe you say, we are bound to meet before we know it, there will be a time there will be a space, a fulfilled desire a bliss that reconciles the firmament
forever. We will be once again one yet different. Equal yet complementary. And when that day comes, not even death will shake our love.
There have been many interesting contributions to this thread and I've got to admit I'm surprised that there are so many who believe in angels.
I also find myself having to admit that angels do fascinate me as an idea or as a prospect. That said, I will not go as far as putting the experience of people that have lived on this world as 'angels' because I feel that this plays down their humanity as it gives them a certain otherness when they were first and foremost human and thus DID suffer and DID have to face doubt and pain.
Another interesting fact is perhaps that we sometimes forget the impoertance of names in scriptural text. The names given to Michael, Gabriel and Raphael are not incidental.
Micha-el means 'the one who is as God', Gabri-el is 'God is my strength' and Rafa-el is 'the onw who heals'.
I just wanted to point out that there is a danger to calling people 'angels' outside a particular context in which intimacy is sincere as this has been used as a tool to disempower people across the world for many centuries especially to propagate dependence and infanticization of individuals.
Given the reading of the actual real 'angelic' representation in the Bible given by an earlier poster (sorry forgot the name) I found that I have to shake off some of the early 'innocent' view of angel-hood ...
I am baffled to put this question across as it sounds rather not me. But I was wondering about this somewhat as I read through some Buddhist texts which make reference to angels.
Unfortunately, the idea that we have of angels are very influenced by renaissance painting. Even within the Judaic tradition, angels are not the cute cupid-like beings we find in paintings but are usually quite imposing figures.
However, I digress here, and with the holidsys coming, I was wondering whether you have any views on the subject...
As some already pointed out, a clone just shares your exact genetic makeup and will develop a different personality and character than you. Moreover, unless the clones are not born together, the odds are you are going to murder a person who will always be younger than you unless of course you're not the clone targeted for murder ...
Interestingly, identical twins are the closest nature gets to producing a clone. In fact, it's been shown that these natural born clones may also share emotional and spatial awareness.
So if you're wondering about my answer, it's definitely murder not suicide.
If you have got any further questions please address them to my clone Redwarrior
bluewarrior Forum Posts (96)
RE: Why people judge others based only in their appearance?
I would question that. After all, I think that 'appearance' is much wider concept than simply visual.It's also tied to the way we talk and what we've heard about a person or think we know about a person.
That's an afterthought...