bluewarrior Forum Posts (96)

BREAKING THE CODE

Very beautiful words. and I just wanted to say that even if I'm 24 - with what iI've gone through and experienced - I seem to relate to different age groups. So perhaps my longing to be with an other that is there physically present is a need to share with someone what is inside me, and also to experience the inner world of someone I love.

I know that this might sound idealistic, but I believe that it's important to be here as I truly am in order to reach out for the one waiting for me on the other side. I am hopeful, now, that whoever she will be there when the right time has come and when we're both ready.
The only nightmare that haunts me still is the one in which I am not seen or heard but just passed on through the sands of time. For the life I know is temporal and reality impermanent, but the force of love - which I yearn for - is forever true, forever beautiful and forever good.

And unless the one get to know me, they will just never know who I am. Not that by knowing me they will know all of me but that at least we'll discover who we are together.

BREAKING THE CODE

BREAKING THE CODE

I am relatively new to this forum and was wondering whether some of you might provide me with some feedback regarding some feelings I’m having right now. I’ve been reading different posts and think that joining CS was a good idea because it’s a virtual community of friends available 24x7… and thanks to the rotation of the Earth, everyone is awake at some point (insomniacs don’t count).

Anyway, I can say that I achieved great accomplishments in the 24 years of life and have gone through many experiences. I have made many real friends and am quite active in my work. But then, I encountered an experience that has a four-letter word, and no I’m not referring to the f-word but the word ‘love’.


I’ve been in love, fell out of love and sometimes was stuck in between.. I hope you get that last thing. I have many friends, and they say that I have a way with words. Which is flattering but then I am single, smart and on a good day full of creativity and resources.

If you’ve been reading so far you probably want to know what I’m getting at. So I’ll get to the point. I’ve had wonderful experiences with some of my female friends and there are still happy times and so on. But sometimes, I feel rather lonely and even though I was a loner most of my life, once I found love (and lost it) I was changed.

Now, I’ve been disabled all of my life and think that’s part of me. But considering my experiences of either unrequited love or relationships that never become more than friendship, I sometimes wonder what is wrong with the world.

Not that I’m saying that I am in anyway the best person to be with. I have my moods, feelings, and times when I can be happy and inspired. Yet, the question remains hanging there in the horizon… where is she?

I’m not pretending that my thoughts are always that platonic or pure. But that I crave for a meaningful relationship and one in which we are companions to each other. I’m no hunk or hero and definitely I think that the days of seeking a relationship for safety are over. But the lingering feeling is that I’m meant to be with someone, but because I may do things differently, women are scared or either unwilling to contemplate such a possibility.

And to end this thread with some poetic verse:

The code of love to break I tried,
But have for so long been eluded.
For there’s so much at stake, I know,
That in the unknown I may be secluded:
For the price of love read here
Is it’s unconditionality!

RE: True or False?

There is no right way to do a wrong thing is TRUE.

My reasoning is that whatever action you will be doing will be wrong, correct?

So whatever the end result the result will be a wrong one.

Now if you are talking of the gravity or seriousness of the action 'wrong', you can argue that there are various degrees of doing a wrong action.

For example, if I have a disagreement with a friend that is serious enough I may:

1. stop from being his/her friend
2. conspire against him/her behind his/her back
3. stab him/her brutally to death

Of course the three actions are all wrong but you may note that different gradations of the end effect. The first being the mildest to the third the fatal end result.

The only right way to do a wrong thing is in itself what may be termed a paradoxical sentence like "I am lying." but with the main difference that we have semantic differences in its construction.

Ok, that's my philosophical side of me that's writing right now. I won't be annoyed if you're sleeping on the keyboard. Best idea would be to use this post if you can't get to sleep.


And that is a right way to do the wrong thing

Kyrie Eleison (a love poem)

I wonder at the night sky,
Lost in strange feeling.
I thought that I could die,
Until I sensed your essence,
In the midst of this desert.

Like a fortress I stood alone.
Wholly empty and trapped.
I do not know myself why or how,
But your voice fills me with life and joy.

It’s strange but it seems to me,
Your heart is noble and so pure.

I cannot see properly your features,
But I discern a quality,
Far beyond my comprehension.
For now it seems all is won.

I am confused and perplexed, yes.
For I have loved before. And lost so much...
It may come to pass and laugh I will at this verse.
But I dream of you, your beauty within.

Yet I cannot reveal my secret to you,
As in silence I cannot hurt no one,
My blazing love and untold longing.
A seemingly impossible love. But alas it is there!

I need to better know myself.
I do not like to be hidden,
For my heart does call,
For a life that is forbidden.
I know you will remain forever,
Distant and unknowable to me.
But I sense you are special.
And in you I feel love.

My night is never dark since you appeared,
And in you the universe resides. As it does in me.
And never should it come to call you mine,
For you cannot or never should be owned.
Inasmuch as the universe is uncontainable and free.
You are wonderful but mysterious.

You illuminate my night with the colours of the rainbow.
And in God I know this.
You stir my soul.
And fill me with happiness.
Even in my solitude,
I am complete,
And all is one.

the value of honesty

I can say that I've given up being a perfectionist long ago. And now I accept myself as I am and have no problems with it. I find that the problems I face are mostly other people's issues really and the fact that society has not given justice to the issue of disability. Anyway that's my activist side speaking.

I do not want to pass across as another person. and to be honest I have in the past tried to hide my differences. But now I see them as something that is and will be part of me, whatever happens.

And for those of you wondering, I use a wheelchair and have acquired a visual impairment. But I try to get on with life and actively seek to schange society when I can to improve the quality of the life of others who face the same injustice and inequalities. ut I risk of going off tooic here.

I appreciate your encouragement though.

the value of honesty

I have had many bad experiences or women putting me down because they did not accept me as I am. The worse thing of all is that most of the time they do not wish to hurt me and think that by letting silence speak (so to say) I'll eventually back out. It's a strange thing to me but I must say that it's not nice being left with no closure or state of affairs in a relationship.
I have made many different friends, mostly girls I admit, but when it comes to getting more intimate the thing seems to escape or suddenly freeze. But now I am more mature and have learned at a hard prize that however hurtful it might feel or look at first, honesty is the best policy. I know that's almost a cliche. But you cannot build a relationship on fantasy or dreams. Or worse, lies.

At this point, I feel I have accepted myself as disabled and proud in the fact that I am different from the rest. I have no trouble communicating my feelings, except that I am scared somewhat of being misinterpreted or seen as not fully male. But in truth, I guess that I am here today searching for someone must mean something. At least it does for me.
I would like to say then that honesty also means giving the other person a fair chance, beyond any prejudice or thought you may have. Only then can you say with certainty that this or that person may not be the right one or not.

I still believe that there are still honest people out there, but they may be afraid to owning up to the truth.

'Nough said. any other views?