Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone" Happy Birthday."
I thought...
Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids...They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what you say we go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it’s such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner." After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
The Pope, David Beckham, Bertie Ahern and a six year old school girl are all on a plane thats about to crash theres only 3 parashoots left Bertie says "I am the leader of Ireland I am very important I should get one" they all agree and Bertie jumps out.
David Beckham jumps up and says "Im one of the highest paid sports stars in the world Im taking a parashoot" he graps one and jumps out.
The Pope turns to the littel girl and says "I am an old man Ive lived a long and happy life you take the last parashoot" The little girl replies "we are both safe David Beckham just jumped out with my school bag"...........
A guy wakes up one morning and sees this huge big ape out in a tree in his back garden.
He rings the local zoo to ask advise the person on the other end of the phone says thank god you found him he is very dangerous do not go near him!!!
A few moments later a van pulls up and a vet from the zoo gets out he has a small jack russell dog a net a stick and a shotgun with him he asks the owner of the house for assistance in catching the ape. The guy says no way im not going near him the vet says I dont need you to go near him just stand near the tree with the gun.
The guy says well what are you going to do the vet says Im going to climb up the tree and poke him with the stick untill he falls to the ground the jack russell has been trained to bite the ape in the nuts and to keep locked on his nuts untill I get him with the net.
The guy says that all sounds very good so why do you need me here with the gun to which the vet replies well If I fall out of the tree before the ape shoot the dog!!!!
Why men don't write advice columns. > > > Dear Uncle John: > > I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off > for work leaving my > husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I > hadn't gone more than a > mile down the road when my engine conked out and the > car shuddered to a > halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. > When I got home I > couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with > a neighbour lady making > mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is > 34 and we have been > married for twelve years. > > > > When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted > that he'd been having an > affair for the past six months. I told him to stop > or I would leave him. He > was let go from his job six months ago and he says > he has been feeling > increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him > very much, but ever since I > gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly > distant. I don't feel I > can get through to him anymore. > > Can you please help? > > Sincerely, > Sheila > > > Dear Sheila: > A car stalling after being driven a short distance > can be caused by a > variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking > that there is no debris > in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee > clips holding the vacuum > pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these > approaches solves the > problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is > faulty, causing low > delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber. > > I hope this helps. > > John
borednup4alaugh Forum Posts (65)
RE: WHO'S THE WORLDS FUNNIEST BLACK MAN WILL SMITH BILL COSBY CHRIS ROCK EDDIE MURPHY OR RICHARD PRYOR ?
For me David Chappelle is the funiest