Thanks for your wishes. I am active in the AtheistNexus forum. But there are not so many singles, and the focus is on the topics and not on checking out others as a potiential partner.
You honor me with you assumption, that I could pass the test to enter Mensa....
My 'laundry list' is the result of my determination of not repeating mistakes. While I am selective in some things, I am not looking for some other attributes, which the majority of women considers important. I doubt that I have much competition for the men, who are poor.
My search is based upon a very rational approach. Many people get infatuated by instinct and when infatuation wears off, they discover how discontent they are with their mismatched partner. As a consequence they start attempts to change each other. I want to avoid this by being reasonably selective. I want to find someone, whom I can accept as he is without even being tempted to change him (Except mutual adaptation for habits by consent). There are millions of men on this globe, with whom I have at least one language in common. Between so many, my mindmate exists somewhere, and in the time of the internet, it is wise to look for someone suitable and compatible. It is foolish to compromise, just because someone is easily available.
hairymonkey: I had hesitated to join the other site because of the name. Then I looked at the discussions in the 60+ and the atheists groups, where I got the impression of being on a mainly decent site in spite of the name. Since I am on the internet, I have seen the sad truth backing up the theory, that one can learn from evolutionary biology and psychology.
The word 'weird' was only my spontaneous reaction to the error message referrring to 'outside of their own area'. I interpreted this as geographical, which I had not restricted.
Wired in the brain is an expression used to describe traits, that are innate, nature and not acquired. By declaring that I am wired to be a non-believer means, that the tendency to believe is absent from my brain.
In my French profile, I am using the expression cerveau frère in full knowledge of expressing my search for a 'brother brain', meaning a brain wired like mine, a twin brain. Which for me is also my 'cerebro gemelo'. Because I have neither soul, nor âme nor alma.
Giving contact information in a forum post is against the rules. But my email address is to be easily found on my blog. Nobody can really know, whom I am looking for without looking at my blog first, so I see no reason to change my contact restrictions here.
I am offering the same and as much as what I am looking for. I am offering it only to a man, who appreciates me for who I am. If a man wants an average woman, and would accept me only as a compromise, I would not want him.
This is weird. I have checked and I have explicitly allowed people from everywhere to contact me. I have restricted contacts to men, who are single/divorced/widowed. Men looking for short-term and intimate encounters are blocked.
Not having found someone in spite of my active searching I decided to try this approach. I have searched the profiles on this site myself and I have not found someone compatible. The man I am looking for is as rare and different as I am myself.
My mindmate to be found is most probably disheartened and has resigned due to lack of hope, he has given up searching in spite of craving for a woman like me. He could be anywhere, living as a recluse and a maverick in his own world and not even having a profile on a site like this. Therefore I cannot find him myself, not matter how hard I try. But he could be the brother, cousin, uncle, friend, buddy, neighbor or colleague of any of you, and maybe you do care enough for him to help him find me. I mean someone, whom you know personally in your own social environment.
Some basics: He is between about 58 and 68. He is like me an atheist, skeptic, complete non-believer and has at least a college degree. This is why I am looking for a mindmate and not for a soulmate. Atheists do not have souls. He is like me childFREE. That means, he never has procreated, he has no children of any age or whereabouts.
This already makes him statistically rare. Also I am not like other women, who by instinct want a provider, who is tall, strong, rich and a stud. These kind of men are the majority and easy to find, but they do not attract me.
But there are other men, those who are small, poor, shy intellectuals, who are not drooling over every woman's body. Especially those, who are sensitive and affectionate and have a tendency towards psychological androgynity, are also non-promiscuous, innately monogamous, attracted to a woman's mind and brain and not easily infatuated by a body, but able to be committed and bonded. Such men are a very precious minority. Yet some of them unfortunately get rejected so often, until they lose hope and withdraw.
Such a man is very welcome to me. Even though a man's height is of no importance, I feel very comfortable, when I at my own 5'4 can look into a man's eyes without looking up.
I am also not interested at all in a man's ability to spend money on me. If he has enough money to live frugally by himself, he has enough money to share a frugal life together. Living together reduces expenses. All I expect is that he has no debts. I am not rich, but just not interested in luxuries. I am looking for a close relationship of two equal partners, and that means sharing egalitarian frugality and not a man buying a woman's services.
I am in Germany, but my search is worldwide, because in the times of emails, internet telephone and air travel, geographical distance is much easier to overcome than mental distance.
Therefore, if you know a man like this, please tell him to read my blog by googling for the 'egalitarian rational commitment paradigm'. In this blog I am telling all about my idea of what kind of a relationship I am looking for, based upon evolutionary psychology. I started it hoping that my mindmate to be found would stumble upon it in a google search. So far, this has not happened. Does anybody of you have any web page or blog, where you could give me publicity for my search by adding a link?
I am not asking for any advice telling me to modify my search. At the age of 62, I know exactly, who I am, what I need and whom I am looking for. I am asking your support to find him. Thanks.
in an other thread I have already complained, that advanced search never worked for me and nobody of this site ever bothered about this.
Then I discovered on the search page a list of one-criteria special searches. There was one, called have-children-search, that allowed me to search for childfree men, and from then on, the number of profiles to look at were not too many to check frequently. So this site had become usefull for me.
But just now I discovered, that those SPECIAL SEARHCHES HAVE DISAPPEARED. Instead there is an empty space on the search page. So now I am back with the problem, that I cannot search for a suitable partner without opening hundreds of unsuitable profiles. What is called 'my matches' are mostly no matches at all. So I have no more search tool to find someone compatible.
a very open, blunt, direct talk. It should be made very clear to her, that from that moment on it is her choice for either commitment or the end of the friendship, but that it will not go on as it was so far.
I am 56 and reading men's profiles, they mention motorcycling so often, that I have gained the impression that at least some of them had to reach their 50ies or even retirement to be able to afford a motorcycle. If they were representative for people of all ages, there should be many more motorcycles on the street than I can see.
We are biologically programmed to die of old ages or of any part of the body failing, or from cancer and disease. Accidents are not 'meant', they depend much more on our own decision where to go and how to live, while it is much more difficult to avoid sickness.
So I would think it fair to start a relationship also with an agreement, how much risk can be taken together. To die in a tsunami together is better than to survive the other, who has done something too extreme for me to share doing it.
What influences me physically is how someone is shaping his exterior deliberately, because it expresses his personality.
In my personal taste
an attractive man is natural, he - lets his hair and beard grow as it grows - wears jeans, swear-shirts, sneakers and such kind of comfortable garments - has no tattoos, no piercings and does not wear jewellery - is not or very little overweight
an ugly man wastes his efforts on his appearance, he - is clean shaven and shaves his head - wears a suit and tie - has tattoos, piercings and wears any kind of jewellery - is obese
My strategy in contact with men is to find out as quick as possible, if they fulfill all my search criteria to the point that I could respect and accept them as a partner. I attempt to find this out, before the contact reaches a state of too much hope and sympathy. As soon as incompatibility is discovered, I end the contact and I am very outspoken about my reasons. Thus I want to avoid pain and disappointment.
I ask very explicitly, if someone is free and what he is looking for. Somebody might lie for a while, but not for a long time without getting caught in contradictions.
I never contact any man, when there is another person on the photo. When there only an arm is visible, I do not mind. Maybe the arm is not an ex but a family member posing with him for the picture.
Any man, who is not free, and any man who is not looking exclusively for a committed relationship, both are not worth wasting any minute of my time with them.
The wants, wishes, expectations might vary from individual to individual. The best procedure is to tell very explicitly, what one wants, before any contacts gets serious, especially before meeting. And also ask the other just as explicitly, what she/he wants. Only thus can it be found out, if expectations are congruent enough to intensify the contact.
This is not a question of maturity or tolerance. It is a question of why somebody posts here. I real life I am not bothered to tell any religious person, what I think about their religion, as long as they do not preach me.
But I am here to find a likeminded man. So I post my thoughts to get attention. I am posting my mocking on religion, so that a fellow atheist man might smile and agree and read my profile.
If I am hurting peoples' religious feelings, it is not my intention, but it is 'collateral damage' from my search.
it is known, how many people have died trying attempting to climb Mount Everest. If someone does go on an expedition to climb Mount Everest, is worrying about him rational or irrational, considering the probablity of an accident?
I have not statistics at hand to prove this, and if, they would be from Germany. But to my knowledg, accidents per km driven are much more frequent and much more damaging on motorcycles compared with cars. Another example: A friend recently did hit a motorcycle, she even was guilty of it. Very fortunately, the guy was not hurt at all, but the damage on the motorcycle was much worse than on her car.
Motorcycling is just a much more widespread risky activity of men compared with others. This is, why I used it as an example
When I was student, working on some term paper got me interviewing a young man of about 20, who had lost an eye, an ear and a part of his brain in a motorcycle accident.
One day driving myself, I went around a bent and just could stop 10 m short of a man lying on the ground aside of his turned-over motorcycle. Other people had already called the ambulance, so I was sitting there watching the helpless struggle of this guy, who tried to get on his feet but could not.
Ever since I am scared to be taken along on a motorcycle. I might go, if there is a sidewagon with a third wheel and a trusthworthy driver, but not on two wheels. But if I had a significant other in my life, and he were away on a motorcycle, I would be scaredly waiting for his return, and everytime the phone rings, I would fear that the hospital calls me telling that he is there with a part of his brain missing.
When a man enjoys his motorcycle, it is his choice and I do not feel entitled to try to stop him and deprive him of his enjoyment. Therefore, when I read a profile of somebody mentioning his motorcylcing, I never contact him, as I also do when someone pursues other extremely dangerous activities.
Any person alone has the right to risk his life as he likes. But is it correct that someone, mostly a man, risks his life and thus risks to inflict horrible suffering upon significant others? Bereavement would be bad enough, but becoming an invalid or falling into coma needing intense care would make a heavy burden. It is part of commitment to care for the other in such a situation. But it is a big difference between something of this kind happening to someone, who had avoided risk, and someone, who had taken risks deliberately.
But then, people, who do extremely risky things, many time deny the risk to themselves and to others. Or they overestimate themselves by claiming to be so good that only the others with less aptitude are at risk. I doubt that many of those risk-taking people would fully admit, that they are inconsiderate to their significant others.
Question to the risk-takers: Do you feel entitled to risk your life and invalidity even though this means horrible suffering and a burden to your significant other?
Question to the significant others: Would you commit yourself to a person taking risks, when you are aware, what consequences those risks have on yourself?
The question is much too general. Discrpencies can be on the level of - attitudes, values, conviction - habits of behaviour - needs, wishes, goals - interests
If changing, the change means to compromise from both sides to adapt after reaching an agreement. Whereever this is not possible, there is incompatibility and you are going to loose a lot of energy, pain and stress in a futile attempt. Then you better invest your resources in finding someone more compatible.
when I find out - mostly by a direct question - that a man is in serious correspondence with another woman too, then I retreat. I hate competition, so I tell him to recontact me, should he ever be through with all the other ones. When I am the last on the list, then I can relax, it is only the question of being compatible or not, there is no need to be better in any aspect than someone else whom I do not even know. Why should I want such a situation. Also when I am the last on the list, then he has no one anymore to move on to and so he might invest a bit more effort. And if he finds another one compatible so easily, then he most probably would not have been compatible with such a rare and special person as I am. So no loss.
marulaki Forum Posts (60)
Who Knows Where My Mindmate Is Hidden?
Thanks for your wishes. I am active in the AtheistNexus forum. But there are not so many singles, and the focus is on the topics and not on checking out others as a potiential partner.You honor me with you assumption, that I could pass the test to enter Mensa....
My 'laundry list' is the result of my determination of not repeating mistakes. While I am selective in some things, I am not looking for some other attributes, which the majority of women considers important. I doubt that I have much competition for the men, who are poor.