h0pepraybelieve Poetry (3)

There's so many things I should've done
and so many things I never got a chance to say when you left,
like how I love you
and you were the best grandma anyone could ever have,
but now you're gone
in my heart and soul though - I know you'll live on.
God took you back home with him
he knew that your time on Earth was done,
it hurts me a ton
knowing you're no longer here,
I can't help but shed tears
but at the same time I'm happy you went home,
you're not suffering in pain anymore
and I know you're not alone.
I wish I would've visited you more
now I feel bad that I didn't open that door,
you know I meant well
but now I feel like hell.
I regret not opening up to you
and not being there when you were getting ill,
I want you to know that - to this day - it hurts me still.
You've been set free
I walk around acting like it doesn't bother me,
but inside I'm breaking down
I have to come to terms with myself,
it was better for your health.
I know that you being gone is something I can't change
but to me - you'll always remain the same.
One of these days I'll see you again
you're waiting for me at the gate to heaven.
I'll tell you the things I never said
like how you were wonderful,
you were always so full of laughter
you never were afraid to let anyone in.
I tried my hardest not to cry
but everyday that you've been gone - tears stream down from my eyes.
I know that it's fine to let you go now
even if my questions still aren't answered,
like 'why now.?!'
You'll always be around,
and that's enough for me to let go of your hand
let you be happy in another land,
but someday I'll see you again
you're waiting for me at the gate to heaven.

Alone in the cold, nothing hurts more than losing you.
The longer I waited, the thought of you slowly became faded.
I dreamt the day you'd appear again, but that's just a reflection inside my head.
It wasn't supposed to be you leaving, for a while it was unbelieving.
I sensed that you craved more, the arguments were hard to ignore.
I'd take a step back, you were always right on my tracks.
I overlooked our past for the sake of what we could still have,
it took me years to know none of it would last.
Sometimes I cry, you tore me down when you said good-bye.
I don't like how we went down in flames,
you always said I was to blame.
I gave you a second chance, I fell in love with you again at first glance.
You abused it, you had a hard time trying to commit.
You found love once more, another girl for you to adore.
You gave her love and a child, it was the first time you truly smiled.
I couldn't stand to see you dolled up in joy,
every woman you get with you destroy.
It's been hard, you've left my heart scarred.
My mind turns, the memory of you burns.
You live and you learn.
I keep close an image of you, one day I'll break down the barrier and push through.
No more blocked hearts, no more broken parts.
You shouldn't have made a promise you couldn't keep,
deep inside I'm becoming weak.
You said you'd given it your all, if you did you wouldn't have let me fall.
I don't trust a word you say, not yesterday and not today.
It was always easy letting you in, you tore apart a cancer and that's your greatest sin.
I admit, this is the hardest thing I've had to do.
One day I'll pursue, something much better than you.
Your ego is immense, eventually it'll all make sense.
You'll realize it's your loss, you let me go and now I'm shining like gloss.

Dirt roads, separated paths.
Two different worlds, torn to shreds.
Nowhere to run, nowhere left to hide.
Complete darkness, still blind.
She bled for forgiveness, upon her own life.
This girl, momentarily calm, young and insecure,
fighting back her precious tears.
Her heart, broken in two.
Only fear crept over her, unbraveful, unable to move.
Time stood still, moments passed.
No looking forward, just forcing herself back.
Hope slowly fades, her eyes, they become dim.
Trying to find herself, the fog oversees the wind.
Enough is enough, she grieves.
Sick of disappointments, but she still believes.
Rain pours down, she shivers.
Glancing up at the moonlight sky,
cries of horror fill her beautiful blue eyes.
Not knowing which way to go, she runs, frightened.
Covered in bruises, him to blame.
Burning still, as do the flames.
He left her life uneasy, unable for it to brighten.
She no longer feels what she thought was real.
Broken, can't seem to heal.
Face becomes pale, ghostly-like.
As if she appears dead in the mist, stabbed by a knife.
Fog overwhelms her, dissatisfied.
Still has nowhere to run, nowhere left to hide.
Becoming very distant, she screams out, goodbye.
Running faster, miles and miles ahead.
This time, hoping to find what is right.
This girl is nothing, a shadow.
Stepping back, dreams overcome her.
Tears pouring down, rain soaking through.
Still a blur.
Disappearing, she faces the facts.
No-one is there, no more breaths of fresh air.
Something attacks.
Realizing she's half-way gone, she leaves everything behind.
She can't keep up, she's stuck back in time.
Begging for forgiveness, once more.
She can't help but feel her insides turn,
a new life about to be born.