It that time of year again
We turn on the tinsel and the grins
But what has changed
The season hides a lot of sins
But they’re excused coz of the Xmas gin.
Today I saw your face again
It left me crying on the inside
The years have done you no harm
You’re a beautiful person
A xmas gift to cherish by anyone
August is only nine months away
More births happen then
Than any other time of the year.
Some of us our fathers son
Some of us alcohol won.
Many years ago a gift;
was something hand made
But today its January paid.
Gifts given to reflect on the giver
Not a reflection to the given.
you ran through my thoughts again
The things I’ve lost as another year pass’s by
I thought of you with the children; happy, laughing lots.
I thought of those in prison
And wondered who would feel more lost
Xmas is many memories.
A time spent in reflection.
Remembering years gone by.
Family and friends gathered around:
To remember who we are
Where we been, and where we want to go.
Your face haunts my mind
In sleep and in play.
I have no barriers no bars holding me in.
And yet this time of year exposes me
Like fresh wars wounds received in battle
The children all grown come back to you my dear
Its Xmas time and your their gift
You made them special and for this they give their thanks
You’re the love that’s protected them and shown them how to live.
Its xmas time, your time to glow: the angel at the top of the tree.
The homeless and me stand and see
Tears running over our chins
We hare different but we are exactly the same
Given up on living and failing to exist
Its xmas time but we got no gifts.
Next year will be different we promise ourselves
But it never is.
New years resolutions killed before they’re made
The magic stopped when we stopped believing.
Xmas killed in another tirade.
Leaving us lost and silently greiving.
Tell me dear how did you do it.
Dragons & Fairies, Giants and swords
Elves and goblins and the Orcish Hordes
Tis easier to believe, Than in ever finding love again.
Its xmas time a time of giving
Remembering of pasts that’ve been.
But remember them that have forgotten
May they find the spirit and peace of the times
The best gift of all, is always your time.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Dec 2010
About this poem:
I am always alone at Xmas. Even when I was married. I don't believe in the religious connotations. Despise the modern marketing. The Xmas parties are held for all the wrong reasons.
People have expectations that are out of alignment with their situation and then they feel let down in the aftermath. Then the Markets created Boxing Day sales that only further underlined the fall of the xmas message and experience.
For someone on there own who fails to operate within society properly this makes this time of year a very sad and lonely place. Seeing what they lost and created carry on without him. His safety blanket taken from him never to ever have again.
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Its Black as dark as its ever been
The tendrils are reaching out and touching
Places I thought cleansed
I fight and I fight but I'm only fighting myself
I'm covered in bruises and scars I've created
I'm sinking, sinking into the mire of cess.
No matter what I do
No matter what I say
The promises I make
The steps I do take
I just keep coming back to here.
I created this place
I founded this cage
I made these prison bars
But why the hell didn't I craft the bloody key.
I did a good job I'm trapped inside.
I keep telling myself to change and be free,
But for every baby step, I keep turning away
Its safer here than being hurt outside.
She holds the key; probably.
But with her i did die.
Not her fault I did it myself.
This is a truth, not denied.
But it hurts to see what society has left to me.
Its lonely down here
I just wanna cry.
somebody find me
and make it worth my time.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Aug 2010
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