I sit staring out my window reviewing my life that has passed me by without life outside even noticing I exist.
I sit up sleepless and this pain fills my heart as I think of everything that I caused by letting down my guard in a area I should have never let myself venture.
I fell In Deeply and took greedily a Love that could never be mine and I allowed it to take me to Places that I believed were forbidden because these places belonged to another.
I cradle myself in a ball and whimper like a saddened child feeling my sentence of my broken heart being crashed against the Reefs of a Swollen ocean of despair.
I Cannot Blame anyone but myself my loss blinded me to grasp out into the darkness and pull in some light but somewhere I forgot to use my senses and to look out for the undertow.
This Light was a Brilliant Beautiful Being he Truly did fall as deeply but his hulls were beaten and leaked as he coasted with no sails to give him direction.
He only knew one way and a change of wind could sink him for he could not accept a new Sail because he didn't know how to steer it.
He was a Wonderful man I will always be thankful but his ship is calling and he will rest his hull in the Murky Waters and throw out his life line.
I lay here in my own misery and I have no one to blame than myself and wait for God's mercy to free me from this place of self Pain and to give me strength to face my weakness of Loneliness and except Mary's faults and Imperfections.
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Posted: Apr 2010
About this poem:
First I must tell you all I was widowed last year and watched my partner pass away suddenly without notice in my arms. It looked like my world had ended I grew very depressed and could not control my emotions. I started playing a online game silly to most but believe it or not many adults do this to escape their daily reality to get some relief. Thats when I met Terek who listened to me and soothed me with his tender words and he was so understanding. Months past we grew closer online as friends and he would soon be in my town on business so we planned to meet for the first time to have Dinner together. When we met our romance began maybe on my part because of my need to be held to feel loved and secure at that time but it blossomed into something special he would drive 14 hrs to see me and stay a few days he spoiled me I spoiled him but he was married unhappily but that fact remained he belonged to another. I was feeling very fragile I had recently broke up with him. I broke up because I didn't want to be the other woman anymore and this was the first and last time it will ever happen. Don't look at us like were evil because neither of us meant to fall deeply as we did. He is very unhappy where he remains and yes I believe every word he said for good reason. We go on broken hearted and stay intouch maybe some day he will find the strength to get out of where he is but I can't sit and wait as long as I know he belongs to another I must go on but I am Thankful they he woke me up enough to know it is possible for me to love again.
Mary46 Poetry (1)