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HuggerMan4UHuggerMan4U Blog (85)

1,806 Forums1,279 Blog Comments204 Puzzles137 Quizzes85 Blog85 Blogs48 Threads27 Games9 Poems9 Poetry4 Polls1 Groups1 Quizzes1 Top10s

Ever Wonder...

EVER WONDER? … LOL!!
¦Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
¦Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
¦Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
¦Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?
¦Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?
¦Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
¦Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
¦Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
¦Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
¦Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
¦Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
¦You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
¦Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
¦Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
¦I like this one!!! If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
¦If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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The Unwritten Laws Of Life - So True And Funny

The Unwritten Laws of Life --- So True and Funny!!


¦Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch & you’ll have to pee.
¦Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, or screw, when dropped will roll to the least accessible corner.
¦Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
¦Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers.
¦Doctors’ Law - If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, and by the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.
¦Variation Law - If you change waiting lines or traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
¦Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
¦Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
¦Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
¦Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
¦Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet, & who leave early. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter end of the performance. Aisle people also are very surly folk.
¦The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
¦Murphy’s Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
¦Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug.
¦Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
¦Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes/shoes fit, they’re ugly.
¦Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
¦Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
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Two Ladies Talking In Heaven

TWO LADIES TALKING IN HEAVEN

1st woman: Hi! Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.



PRICELESS!!!!
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It's complicated

Another blog prompted me to add this blog as well.

Sometimes we hear someone say about their status, "It's complicated." That can mean different things to different people. Some just automatically turn off when they hear these words. Others are curious to find out what the person means. What do you think when someone says, "It's complicated?" Being always the curious - curiousity killed the cat, ya know - I always wonder what is meant.
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Lost On An Island

... LOVE THE PUNCH-LINE ON THIS ONE!!!!!!...

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks,

"Esther, did we pay our $5,000 Public Broadcast Station pledge check yet?"

"No, sweetheart," she responds. Abe, still shaken from the crash landing,

Then he asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?"

"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.

"One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send checks/cheques for the Visa and MasterCard this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Abe," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either."

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.

Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"

Abe answers, "THEY'LL FIND US!!!!"

HOW TRUE ARE THOSE WORDS LOL LOL!!!!

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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2.8 miles from me

I'm getting all these ads with beautiful women in them, and they all say they are 2.8 miles from me. How is that even possible? The only way that could happen is if they all lived in the same apartment complex or something. rolling on the floor laughing Give me a break!
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She's Up!

BE THE KIND OF

WOMAN

THAT WHEN YOUR

FEET HIT

THE FLOOR EACH

MORNING

THE DEVIL SAYS

“OH CRAP, SHE’S UP


rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Sometimes...

S O M E T I M E S

Sometimes....when you cry....
no one sees your tears.

Sometimes....when you are in pain....
no one sees your hurt.

Sometimes....when you are worried....
no one sees your stress.

Sometimes....when you are happy....
no one sees your smile.
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IF MY BODY WAS A CAR

IF MY BODY WAS A CAR

If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull...

But that’s not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it --

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!
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Blind Salesman

Blind salesman

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.

She says, ’Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'

He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.'

She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it’s on sale this week for only $20.00.

She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please..' The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'

He replies, 'Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00,but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the BearRepellent is $3.50.
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