Based on current trends, the National Association of Realtors predicts that by 2015, 60% of new homes will be built with separate beds. Their idea is that by sleeping in separate beds, couples can get along better. For example, one person gets too hot, or hogs the covers, or snores, and the other partner can't get any sleep. Divorces often happen for just these reasons, because the couples argue all the time as the result of lack of sleep. What do you think about this?
Mary had a little watch.
She swallowed it one day.
Now she's taking Exlax
To pass the time away.
The History of 'APRONS'
GRANDMA'S APRON something wonderfully useful from the past!
(Sure to bring back many fond memories for many of us!!)
I don't think our kids know what an apron is.
The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath because she only had a few and because it was easier to wash aprons than dresses and aprons required less material. But along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.
It was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.
From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.
When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.
And when the weather was cold, Grandma wrapped it around her arms.
Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.
Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.
From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables.
After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.
In the autumn, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.
When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.
When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron and the men folk knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.
It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that 'old-time apron' that served so many purposes.
Send this to those who would know (and love) the story about Grandma's aprons.
REMEMBER:
Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool.
Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.
The Govt. would go crazy now trying to figure out how many germs were on that apron.
I don't think I ever caught anything from an apron - but LOVE!!!!
While I was waiting for my child to exit school today, I observed a female school staff member walking to her car. I paid close attention to the expression on her face. A sudden thought came to me, which was this: We see people on CS frequently, and they often share a liitle bit about themselves, but do we actually know what's really going on in their lives? I think not. Isn't it somewhat analogous to an iceberg, where we only see 10% of the tip, but the rest is hidden? I think no matter how honest we are, there's alway parts of our lives that we keep hidden. It probably relates to who we're talking to, and how well we know them. Anyway, I just thought this was an interesting observation.
I just got a notice of my 50th high school class reunion. I have no interest whatsoever in attending this or any other of my reunions, given the way I was treated in school. The only reunion I ever went to was for my second wife's reunion.
I just took a compatibility quiz from a Bulgarian resident. This is the first time I've ever gotten 0% on a compatibility quiz. I was laughing so hard when I say the results. A lot of times I've gotten 100% or close to it. Then again, I'd never seen this person before, either.
I like to turn advertizing slogans around so they sound funnier.
Fruit Of The Loom - Loom Of The Fruit.
Coke - Things go better with Pepsi.
Winston cigarettes - Winston tastes bad like a cigarette should.
Western Airlines - Not the only way to fly.
Greyhound - We leave the driving to you.
Exxon - We smash 'em and kill 'em.
Grocery Outlet - Quality in the bill, savings in the bag.
McDonald's - Has McDonald's had you today?
Doctors - A doctor a day keeps the apple away.
A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat...
Says He: "I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today"
Says She: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear."
Says He: "OK darling, but since I've got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?"
Says She: "Well, the air bag works..."
Upon arriving home,a husband was met at the door by h...is sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained,"It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. "
Immediately,the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two,the druggist told him,"Now, just a minute,listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off,so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car,just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.
"Then,driving a little too fast,I got a speeding ticket. Later,when I was about three blocks from the store,I had a flat tire."
"When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people,all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."
He continued,"Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change,and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke."
"Meanwhile,the phone is still ringing with no let up,and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.
And believe me mister, as God is my witness,all I did was tell her.."
There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!
The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie."
Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery
¦Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
¦"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."
¦Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!
¦Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
¦Hand me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there.
¦Oh no! Where's my Rolex.
¦Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?
¦There go the lights again?
¦"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys! And this guy's got two of 'em!!"
(a figure of speech that combines contradictory terms.)
45. Act naturally
44. Found missing
43. Resident alien
42. Advanced BASIC
41. Genuine imitation
40. Airline Food
39. Good grief
38. Same difference
37. Almost exactly
36. Government organization
35. Sanitary landfill
34. Alone together
33. Legally drunk
32. Silent scream
31. Living dead
30. Small crowd
29. Business ethics
28. Soft rock
27. Butt Head
26. Military Intelligence
25. Software documentation
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Childproof
21. "Now, then ..."
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct Life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
9. Political science
8. Tight slacks
7. Definite maybe
6. Pretty ugly
5. Twelve-ounce pound cake
4. Diet ice cream
3. Working vacation
2. Exact estimate
1. Microsoft Works
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