Alone
Ok... I'm just going to say it. I feel alone. I'm not whining or trying to collect pity, but I just have never felt so alone in my life. I suppose it's because I'm eighteen and now have to fend for myself... which I really haven't been made to do before. It's dawning on me how spoiled I've been. I've always relied on my friends and family, but my friends have left and my family is little help.Nate, my best friend in the world has gone and left me for college... but not just any college. He wants to be a preist. All the sundays when my mom drags me to Chicago for her beloved Byzantine church are unbearable now that I know Nate is in Ohio. Of course, I've told him that he needs to get a "real" degree, so that, should he not be ordained, he has something to earn good money with.
Tim, my other best friend, has left me for just the opposite... the National Guard. Actually, I was shocked when he got in. Tim is a tall, skinny, pizza-faced, redhead with a goatee, but for every ounce of "oddity" there is twice as much friendship. After awhile I forgot he had a stutter because we always hung out and I got used to it. Whenever I needed a shoulder or lunch, though he was there. I get letters from him, but I can never read his writing! His last one I could vaguely make out the message and once again I couldn't decipher the return address. I feel bad because I know he probably feels ten times as lonely since there are no familiar faces in Missouri at all, and possibly only hostility.
Besides those two, I have several acquaintances, but no friends, I'm hoping the Halloween party this weekend will change that. I've always been able to curl up beside my mom and cry out all my frustrations and fears, but since she got her stoma and the bag... I just can't. It kills me too because she is my ultimate best friend and I know that it's only my fault that I feel so enstranged from her. The other day I was waiting for my pilates class and I was thinking about my problems when Janica, a classmate of mine asked me what was wrong. After telling her, the response I got was that everyone has their problems, but we just have to deal with it. I know she's right and I hate myself for being so weak, but I still feel the need for someone not to tell me "Which problem are you crying for? Neither one deserves your tears." and just say "That sucks and I'm really sorry that happened to you. Come here and have a good cry." Never in my life have I thought I sounded more ridiculous. I need something to distract me from my centrism. I think I'll go feed my cat.
Comments (5)
Be thankful your friend is in the stats and alive .
I have lost one friend in the gulf war and now 2 in the middle east and last but not leste one to drugs.
my girlfriend left me to be with a woman.
I took a look at your profile and you got alot going for you.
I only have a H.S. deploma and NOW Im a small engine repair man .
keep hanging on .
Everone needs friends, good friends. Sometimes friends are busy and dont notice that we are alone. But whe they notice, they try their best to cheer you up. It is part of growing process, where suddenly need to make decisions, tough decisions to make. Previously it was made by our beloved parents. Anyway no matter how tough it is we can always consult our parents, friends and siblings. Make new friends. If you need a friend, a shoulder to cry on, you know where I am. The sun has a sinking spell in the evening but it comes out strong the next day. Cheer up. I know you are a fighter. Be strong. God is great and in his own ways, he will guide you.