Undressed

The entity of "alone" laughs at the downward spiral of the heart.

It must, how else can anyone explain that I stand before Lord knows how many people completely and emotionally undressed today. It is the only way I know how to cope with crap.

Yes, this morning I woke up a tad overwhelmed. It seems as though this kidney infection is kicking my butt and comes at the same time as "you know what" the ladies will know. It sucks.It really hurts to move right now.


Yes, men all know how to cope.

They go to the garage,drink a beer and mindlessly watch football.
(I need to try this)

But beyond the fact that I am on a dating site, and realize now that I have only had one "date" from here. I will continue to blog and try (when I am feeling better) to inspire.

Next week, the girl's dad comes to visit them for 10 days. While he is here, we will be going to the courthouse to finalize divorce papers. He chose to come here for 10 days to see his girls and for Christmas he "chose" to go to the Philipines and meet his mistress for 2 weeks.

It hurts as much as my kidney infection.

The girls are too young to understand. I will never tell them. They look up to him so much. They haven't seen him for two years.

In another 5 months, I will be at another crossroads. Another decisiion.

I will be free of him.
My lease will be up.
I will be free to move.
ANYWHERE I desire.
It seems California is not working out for me.
Time to throw another dart.

For the men who read this blog and say "omg she's got way too much baggage"

It's NOt that I have baggage and no one else does.
It's that I choose to put mine out on the curb, because I don't want to keep it anymore.