I have to get this off my chest,

so that I can feel better.

I have not had an easy life. I'm hoping it gets better. Things are looking up for me. Anyway, here it goes.

My mother hated me when I was growing up. She mentally and physically beat me. I forgave her 12 years ago for it. I still don't understand till this day why she did those things to me and not my sisters, but I'm glad they didn't have to go through what I did.

I got married at 15 and had my first child at 16. My husband physically beat me also. I forgave him 10 years ago. I know now that we were to young to get married and have a baby. I'm sorry I made his life miserable. I was so much in love with him.

The man I am with now beat me for the for the first 9 years of us being together. I'm glad he doesn't do that now. I'm sorry I forced myself on him. I wished I had listened to everyone about him, but I didn't. I know I have done wrong in our relationship. I just hope one day that he will forgive me for I forgave him for the things he has done to me. I wish he would let go some of his hated that he has about somethings. Carrying a grudge is not healthy. I have matured alot in these past for years and I am doing right by him. He quit drinking for me and made his life better. But we just can't seem to get along still. We can't stand to be in the same room together. We can't agree on anything. One day he will have to not worry about me any more. Maybe then he will be happy for I cannot make him happy. I have tried and tried until I am tired of trying. I give up. I just don't know how or what to do to make him happy. I can't function like a real human being any more. I just wish he would understand that. I'm still trying to get use to the changes in my body. Having a hysterectomy is not an easy thing to get over. The chronic pain hurts like h*** at times. Why can't he understand this? I know I am not an easy person to get along with, but he isn't either. So many problems. So much controversary.

Yes I have tried talking to him about these things, but he is a hard head. I feel better now.