When Dreams become a nightmare,
Its time to wake up. I have been working on two dreams for the last 2 years. One was planned, the other caught me by surprise. Unfortunately the two dreams are connected and one dream turning into a nightmare has damaged the dream that I did not know was coming.I dreamed of a business, that addresses an area that is difficult and complex. It takes real work and I have the people lined up, but not the correct financing. But at the time, it felt like I had no choice. When on dangerous ground you have to keep moving forward. It supposedly applies to business or military. The potential contribution to the energy world would be major. I still believe this.
But because dream #2 became intertwined, I did not concentrate entirely on business. I also made choices to be with her, to spend money to see her or for her to see me. I was selfish wanting to spend time with her to see if we could start a family. I feel I made the right choice as to where to set up the business, but a foreign country for 2 foreigners plus a daughter where you do not speak the language is difficult.
On top of that, I trusted a couple of people on business who were not able to deliver their promises, one was finances, the other was a supplier which would of helped finances. So I got distracted addressing these issues. I still wanted it all. Both dreams. But the dreams became nightmares. Money was tight, too tight. Everything takes time to correct, but being worried about taking care of your daughter, having a roof over your head is too much.
I have made adjustments. I retargeted what we were doing on our core strengths, but there was an issue with her working visa taking 4 months to return. The holidays were not good. We wanted to see each other, but the German tourist visa got lost in transit somewhere and she and her daughter could not come for the holidays. She was here for our birthdays, but her daughter was in school.
The finances are still not right. The correct decision on her part is to get a job back in her home town where she lives with her parents. I am going through making even more adjustments. The right things to do, reduce costs, take a "day job" and sell my property in the US for my own personal fund here. I am being more hard cored about "the business" - no investors, I am willing to work on evenings and weekends because other friends and family have invested. But not with the same enthusiasm, because dream #2 has decided not to return. It is too difficult to live with me. Too many times worrying about her daughter, how we would eat even.
So the dreams became nightmares, but it also causes you to wake up. To see with a new vision. There are many changes I have finally decided to do this last week. Not through hurt, as some people may think. But with actually a clear vision about how dreams can delude us if we are not careful.
Comments (3)
But it is funny how things work. I went into the semiconductor industry, gave up my dream of working in the alternative energy area. But I was young and still had so much to learn. Over the years I did learn, only now in looking back do I see that the process technology, optics, design and other things I learned over the years makes me who I am.
I also learned who I am, maybe too late. It is sometimes the easiest to give up, but then a little bit of you die. Every time you give up, a little more dies, till finally you do not really care about the people who care about you. I have always cared for my friends, but not enough. It was always myself that I put first. This was a wake up call. One desperately needed.
But I have also realized in waking up, that these dreams are a part of me. I can not ignore them. I can not give up one to save the other because they are intertwined. The lady in my dream needs me to be the lion I really am, otherwise it would hurt her too much to be with me.
In order to pull off dream number 1 big corporations have to be involved. I have been in contact with the people I know there for the last couple of weeks. I still look for work, but one that helps in pursuit of this dream. But I have made a hard decision that I will work to stay in Europe because of dream number 2. Her parents are old . LIving in the US is not an option. It is too far away. It is not easy traveling too an from her country or in her country for that matter. My real desire is to get the financing to pursue dream number 1 because I honestly believe that then both dreams come true. I continue to work at it, but reality right now says it will not be true. Lots of people are talking, but it will take too long.
But this does not translate yet to the bottom line and short term things are still very difficult.