Road to nowhere

As I sit here on front of my PC, smoking my cigarette. I wonder to myself, what is our purpose in life, why am am I here.

I broke up with my fiance three months ago (due to problem I wish I could say but cannot). It was seven years I was with her. I tried to make things work, but was not meant to be our destiny(if there is such a thing). Loved her lots, the feeling of sadness creeps over me. a sense of depression. I think to myself if I did the right thing, then I think of the last 2 years of the relationship. They where living hell. stayed in it for to long.

So I wonder, how does one start the dating thing again. Well I cannot answer that. I enjoy the net and post a few profiles on the net. All I get get are a bunch of scammers (did get caught by one, but lucky it did not cost me). So is this a sign. I must must suffer along. Only people online that chat with me a bunch of scammers. Not real ladies for friendship or more. Well I guess that must be part of my leasons in life, a teaching of some sort. Don't know what it is right know, but will in the furture.

But why does this loneliness hurt so much?
Why do we need to be with someone to feel complete?
Is it the Adam and Eve syndrome. Both from the same person.
Is it because we a social beings.
The longing to be with someone.

The road seems so long, with no light at the end. No forks in the road, to choose from.But I know for a fact, turning around is no option.

Guess to be along is my destiny and I must learn to get used to it. And if she out there, my luck she in foriegn place/realm with no communication with the out side world ot this.

Been sick with flu for two weeks and this is getting me down.Weird memries and thoughts plague my now twisted mind. What is it I must do. What my I do. There must a reason for all this pain. Is it to teach me something so I can do special feat to beneft mankind. For I always wish never to recognized for my true good deeds.

Guess for now,

I am on the road to nowhere