Loneliness of a lifetime

The other day someone asked me why I spent a lot of my life alone, even while I was married. The only answer I could muster was maybe one day, when the Artic ice around my heart is melted then I can reveal why. But I will share this, perhaps I got tired of inviting my so called friends to go do things with, and ending up still going alone. Just recently the nightmares returned, and do I hardly sleep? no. There are times in my life where I go out in the wilderness to leave society behind, to find myself. In fact, I am still searching, High and Low, to find the part of me that perhaps died years ago, or is in a deep hibernation waiting to be awaken. I at times long for that one special woman who can break through this heart of arctic ice, and who is willing to see inside the soul of a quiet man, the man who could never take a compliment, who would rather be the unknown, who is just trying to find his Quiet Cool. I sometimes think I was born in a time too late. In the movie, Point Break, there is a saying that the late great Patrick Swayze says, "If you want the ultimate, you gotta be willing to pay the ultimate price. Its not tragic to dye doing what you love." That in itself is true. But as life takes a turn, maybe mine will be more life this:
Rutgar Hauer's epic ending. To live life or to watch it go by, your choice...