I lost the woman I love

I was working in a printing last 2007 when I enrolled for vocational course to continur my study. There, I met a girl, she was my classmate and she always greet me when I arrived in classroom always late from my work. At first, I ignored him co'z I was tired having lack of sleep. She was joyful and always smiling. She caught my attention and we became friends. Never knew it would go deeply. I fell inlove with her and I used to love her more than myself. It seems that we've seen each other in an unknown time and place. I got her jokes. I got her humors. We were playmates. Gags, crazyness, laughter, but ended in tears.... I told her howmuch I love her. She told me she don't want to have a relationship to a soldier which was my dream, to serve my country. She was right, being a soldier should serve his country first before his families and love onez. But I told her she does'nt want to be the reason why I won't fullfil my dreams. I told her I will stop dreaming to be a soldier. Since there, we had a silent days. She was more stronger than me, she should for she tried to ignored what happened. She rejected me. I could'nt throw jpkes at her but she could to me. She still have fun but I knew she just trying to stop her tears fall. I feel it because the very last time we were walking together on a ligjt rain, it was evening, I still remember when she toldme "do you think I feel just you are a friend to me?"...... I couldnt speak nor see her eyes. All I knew was, we were on her umbrella coz it was rainy and evening. Before she walked away, I knew she damped her handkerchief on her cheek, her tears fall, I knew it and I felt pain.

Seven years had past, until now, I couldnt deny that I still love her more than the woman I have.
I love her but I lost her......
I still felt pains....