The embodiment..

Is there a center for the longing that I've felt for years? Is there a place I must go, or journey I must take; perhaps a lesson still to be learned? What can guide me if not my own intuition? How can I follow a path that I don't lay before me? So many questions, such a seemingly short period to recognize the extent of which my actions will benefit my comfort level.. How can I express myself in the manner I wish to? Let alone, to whom? Each other that I confide in loosely creates the whole which is my external opinion center. Alone is efficient yet lacking of purpose.. as is a shared soul I suppose.. all just a temp adjustment to relax on a different level of active responsibility. For either yourself or both you and partner. Lost is my name and forgotten my last.. or so it feels when thought about..

Thought it was that my equal had found me, distance being the only boundary; yet to know this in truth I cannot. Separated by time and space I wander aimlessly in hope of being awakened to my calling, that which is definite and precise.. The goal has fluctuated in the path that leads to it, and yet it is still one in the same..Love.. the only comfort that allows me to flourish. The guidance that once drove me to step back and create my life rather than simply live with the class the world had selected for me. That must be my divine inspiration, the end result of acceptance to the utmost extreme which I so foolishly lost.

Yet with this realization now apparent, it reveals that I have been waiting this whole time since admittance to the realm of love, to find it once more. One final time, the search may be my end, would it then be worth it? Even if the life ahead is only more time spent simply waiting? Alone in my attempt to share my endless compassion for another that will accept it.. It frightens me, the thought of being a lover and having no outlet to express my truest self.. I am awkward because I withhold my fullest emotions as if reserved for the lover I don't currently have.. My potential misplaced and unheard, merely forgotten before its ever witnessed.

Appreciation, trust, perhaps respect, these are the forms of fuel I run solely off of whilst I am without a stabilizer such as love to intensify the flames of willpower. Friends hold me together, aside from their knowledge in the part they play within my life, they are the keystone which keeps it all running as smoothly as they perceive it is. This vessel which is seen as the embodiment of me. I live for them now more than ever.. I share my ability openly to all their appreciative needs. I do what they need to be done to the best of my ability. I'm glad to help, as are they to receive it.

I only mean good for all, and yet sadly.. few will ever understand the full extent of which I strive to achieve this on a daily basis. I am what I am, what I become is determined solely by the hand of love & it's essence before me. Until then I will wander.. down which roads no-one knows.