I don’t know what to do! ( Archived) (68)

jlb684: What you need now is an undercover agent. A human just wouldn't work, unfortunately....pigeons can spot a human a mile off. After all, it's no accident that they drop their nasty little bombs on us from above. They know full well what they're doing. No, what you need is another bird that can disguise itself as a pigeon and can tell you what it learns. Perhaps a small cockatoo or African grey. Ideally, if you could convince him to help, get Puck. He's a budgerigar who was credited by Guinness World Records as having the largest vocabulary of any bird, at 1,728 words. Or perhaps Sparkie Williams, a talking budgie who provided the inspiration for an opera performed in Berlin in March 2009. If you could put one of these fine birds in a pigeon suit and have him just sit around on a statue's head in some area where all the pigeons hang out, you might get somewhere.
Just hope that the bird's vocabulary isn't limited to "Pretty bird...pretty bird" or a slew of curse words that some 15-year old boy taught him to say.

As of now, three birds have met their untimely deaths. I'd be really curious to know if they were stoned to death and if one stone was used on all of them. I'd heard you could kill 2 birds with one stone...could it be that you can actually kill 3?

CaptainBeirutIII: I'm way ahead of you, and yet not at all.

I came to think of this, but the mission failed because of my assistant idiot of a barrel or morons, of all the birds to pick for the secret and dangerous mission, can you guess which one he picked?

The John Cleese dead parrot

jlb684: Oh, no! The expired one? The one that ceases to live? The one who is no more?
That's simply preposterous! Or.....is it? It could be, in fact, genius! Why risk a beautiful, talking, UNexpired bird? The John Cleese dead parrot might be just the answer. Plant a microphone under his wing, leave him to lie beneath one of the statues in the pigeon hang-out, with you parked in the white van down the street (the one with the ACME Cleaners sign on the side). You just sit and listen, coffee and cigarettes at hand, and wait. Somebody will know and, sure as I'm sitting here, somebody will squawk. One on the land is worth two in the bush, after all.

CaptainBeirutIII: Need a job?
We could use a bird like yo...

Sorry, what I meant was, a woman smart as you to assist in this horrific murder investigation.

pikengren: if you do get a suspect into cuctody, i would suggest that you set bail high, or grant none at all. they could be a flight risk.