advice wanted (56)
jonathan_heart: need a bit of advice here. im almost 30 and live on my own, but i live fairly near to my parents place. thing is, they expect me to call up ever Sunday dinner, and sometimes ask me to call up more often. to be honest i find it all over-bearing. i mean, how many guys my age see their folks every week? i'm thinking of moving far away just to avoid it altogether
im the sam as you dude.. cant stand family gatherings, and in some cases even talking to my family.. hence why i am where i am
crystal100: I lost my dad to cancer 2 yrs ago he lived in a house right behind me !! just think of all they did for you when u were younger, i'd give anything to have him back, am i'm sure u could tell ur folks u have prior engagement early in the week so they wouldn't be expecting you
thats a different scenario hun... every family is different , for instance most of my family are a**hole.. just the way it is
jonathan_heart: i'm not going to argue or get into specifics, but just because did things for you when you were younger, doesnt mean they were good parents. i'd rather if people didnt generalize
well u asked for advice , that was my contribution, but ur gonna do what u want anyway so why ask ??
crystal100: well u asked for advice , that was my contribution, but ur gonna do what u want anyway so why ask ??
maybe because some people might be able to relate. and that always helps. last thing i expected was anybody to judge me, based on what they dont know
I think he's talking about a respect on a mutual adult ground here and not all parents can do that...as in look down on ya not egg you on or praise you etc....totally diferent realy to a family who gets along on an adult level!! JMO
question for you J
When you were asked down for dinner to your parents did you tell them you couldnt go or did you go?
When you were asked down for dinner to your parents did you tell them you couldnt go or did you go?
In response to: need a bit of advice here. im almost 30 and live on my own, but i live fairly near to my parents place. thing is, they expect me to call up ever Sunday dinner, and sometimes ask me to call up more often. to be honest i find it all over-bearing. i mean, how many guys my age see their folks every week? i'm thinking of moving far away just to avoid it altogether
JH..
Have you said any of this to your parents.
I was in the same position when I got married (slightly different I know but similar issues). I didn't really get on with my mother. But she insisted that we go to hers every Sunday.
It took a few years..yes years.. before I just snapped one day and told her I wanted to have a Sunday to myself for a change.
It turns out... She thought I wanted to go to her every Sunday. Because I never said no..she just assumed this.
So after that, until she died, we dropped in most Sundays (not all) for an hour or so in the afternoon. If it was a birthday or something we met for Sunday lunch in a pub/hotel.
So try talking! It might just work.
Have you said any of this to your parents.
I was in the same position when I got married (slightly different I know but similar issues). I didn't really get on with my mother. But she insisted that we go to hers every Sunday.
It took a few years..yes years.. before I just snapped one day and told her I wanted to have a Sunday to myself for a change.
It turns out... She thought I wanted to go to her every Sunday. Because I never said no..she just assumed this.
So after that, until she died, we dropped in most Sundays (not all) for an hour or so in the afternoon. If it was a birthday or something we met for Sunday lunch in a pub/hotel.
So try talking! It might just work.
jonathan_heart: maybe because some people might be able to relate. and that always helps. last thing i expected was anybody to judge me, based on what they dont know
I wasn't judging you , you asked for advice and i gave my two cents worth !! at the end of the day u have final say in what you do your an adult!
wexlady41: JH..
Have you said any of this to your parents.
I was in the same position when I got married (slightly different I know but similar issues). I didn't really get on with my mother. But she insisted that we go to hers every Sunday.
It took a few years..yes years.. before I just snapped one day and told her I wanted to have a Sunday to myself for a change.
It turns out... She thought I wanted to go to her every Sunday. Because I never said no..she just assumed this.
So after that, until she died, we dropped in most Sundays (not all) for an hour or so in the afternoon. If it was a birthday or something we met for Sunday lunch in a pub/hotel.
So try talking! It might just work.
Have you said any of this to your parents.
I was in the same position when I got married (slightly different I know but similar issues). I didn't really get on with my mother. But she insisted that we go to hers every Sunday.
It took a few years..yes years.. before I just snapped one day and told her I wanted to have a Sunday to myself for a change.
It turns out... She thought I wanted to go to her every Sunday. Because I never said no..she just assumed this.
So after that, until she died, we dropped in most Sundays (not all) for an hour or so in the afternoon. If it was a birthday or something we met for Sunday lunch in a pub/hotel.
So try talking! It might just work.
Was much the same for me, if I wasnt in my parents house by 10am on a Saturday I got a call asking me where I was..
Took me years to say , sorry have plans wont be over, and you know what the sky didnt land on my head.
Jh whats the worst that can happen if you say "No, thanks for asking but I am not free"
wexlady41: JH..
Have you said any of this to your parents.
I was in the same position when I got married (slightly different I know but similar issues). I didn't really get on with my mother. But she insisted that we go to hers every Sunday.
It took a few years..yes years.. before I just snapped one day and told her I wanted to have a Sunday to myself for a change.
It turns out... She thought I wanted to go to her every Sunday. Because I never said no..she just assumed this.
So after that, until she died, we dropped in most Sundays (not all) for an hour or so in the afternoon. If it was a birthday or something we met for Sunday lunch in a pub/hotel.
So try talking! It might just work.
Have you said any of this to your parents.
I was in the same position when I got married (slightly different I know but similar issues). I didn't really get on with my mother. But she insisted that we go to hers every Sunday.
It took a few years..yes years.. before I just snapped one day and told her I wanted to have a Sunday to myself for a change.
It turns out... She thought I wanted to go to her every Sunday. Because I never said no..she just assumed this.
So after that, until she died, we dropped in most Sundays (not all) for an hour or so in the afternoon. If it was a birthday or something we met for Sunday lunch in a pub/hotel.
So try talking! It might just work.
Thanks for saying what i was trying to say the way i should have said it...
jonathan_heart: no look i know theyre my family and its important and all that, but my folks are incapable of letting go the adult-child relationship and just having a normal relationship adult to adult, i mean they just cant do it. its more than i can take
Well how about you invite them and cook for them and let them see that you are a big boy now!!
wexlady41: JH..
Have you said any of this to your parents.
I was in the same position when I got married (slightly different I know but similar issues). I didn't really get on with my mother. But she insisted that we go to hers every Sunday.
It took a few years..yes years.. before I just snapped one day and told her I wanted to have a Sunday to myself for a change.
It turns out... She thought I wanted to go to her every Sunday. Because I never said no..she just assumed this.
So after that, until she died, we dropped in most Sundays (not all) for an hour or so in the afternoon. If it was a birthday or something we met for Sunday lunch in a pub/hotel.
So try talking! It might just work.
Have you said any of this to your parents.
I was in the same position when I got married (slightly different I know but similar issues). I didn't really get on with my mother. But she insisted that we go to hers every Sunday.
It took a few years..yes years.. before I just snapped one day and told her I wanted to have a Sunday to myself for a change.
It turns out... She thought I wanted to go to her every Sunday. Because I never said no..she just assumed this.
So after that, until she died, we dropped in most Sundays (not all) for an hour or so in the afternoon. If it was a birthday or something we met for Sunday lunch in a pub/hotel.
So try talking! It might just work.
i said in a previous post that i've tried and tried talking. but i appreciate your sentiments
if you didnt go i bet they were frustrated with you for not calling and your just as vixed also
areyoureadytogo: question for you J
When you were asked down for dinner to your parents did you tell them you couldnt go or did you go?
When you were asked down for dinner to your parents did you tell them you couldnt go or did you go?
jonathan_heart: no look i know theyre my family and its important and all that, but my folks are incapable of letting go the adult-child relationship and just having a normal relationship adult to adult, i mean they just cant do it. its more than i can take
Might be worse if you lived further away and they felt that they had to come over and stay the weekend to catch up...
Seriously, talk with them. One of the ways a parent knows that their child is all grown up, is when said child stands up to them and puts their foot down and just says NO.
Sit them down and explain to them that they have to find other things to do now besides obsess about you, or, go out and buy them a holiday or something so they will take an interest in travel...
Hey JH, my folks treated me the same way, very irritating! the thing is though that they are flawed in the sense that we all are as humans
If you don't fulfil your obligations to them while they're alive you will bitterly regret that, believe me that's not something you want to have to deal with. No matter how bad or good they were those obligations exist.
Sunday dinner doesn't sound too bad, it could well mean a lot to them even if they don't show it. I'd say keep going there but it's ok to tell them the odd time that you can't make it, that way they wont' take you for granted and you'll have the odd Sunday off!
If you don't fulfil your obligations to them while they're alive you will bitterly regret that, believe me that's not something you want to have to deal with. No matter how bad or good they were those obligations exist.
Sunday dinner doesn't sound too bad, it could well mean a lot to them even if they don't show it. I'd say keep going there but it's ok to tell them the odd time that you can't make it, that way they wont' take you for granted and you'll have the odd Sunday off!
Well sadly today is my dad's anniversary and I would give anything to have a chat dont mind a sunday dinner with him. So please be thankful for what you have not what you want, and I dont mean that in a bad way. 
You dont say whether you have brothers or sisters to talk this over with as I come from a large family and when my younger brother moved out. He went on a guilt trip visiting every sunday but football being always came in the way of visiting the folks. So he felt like you did so when he actually owned up to the way he felt to me, I told him to compromise and call someday during the week, so at least they were all happy. My parents got to see him and he got his football. But dont make it on a certain day, change each week as then it wont fall into to a habit again like now....hope that helps
You dont say whether you have brothers or sisters to talk this over with as I come from a large family and when my younger brother moved out. He went on a guilt trip visiting every sunday but football being always came in the way of visiting the folks. So he felt like you did so when he actually owned up to the way he felt to me, I told him to compromise and call someday during the week, so at least they were all happy. My parents got to see him and he got his football. But dont make it on a certain day, change each week as then it wont fall into to a habit again like now....hope that helps
Well Jonathan my Mum and Dad still treat me like Im 5 years of age.....when they know Im calling in they fuss over me like they havent seen me in years, particularly my Dad....which can be a bit annoying when Im in one of my crabby moods lol but I put up with it because its nice that they are still happy to see me after all these years when Ive never lived more than 10 miles from them........that and the fact they are both getting on in years now. BUT I call the shots....I see them once or sometimes twice a week....I visit when I decide to visit not when Im told to go.....try and find a happy medium, sometimes you just have to say no and that you have other plans they will soon grow to accept it. I wonder if maybe you are an only child? 
jonathan_heart: need a bit of advice here. im almost 30 and live on my own, but i live fairly near to my parents place. thing is, they expect me to call up ever Sunday dinner, and sometimes ask me to call up more often. to be honest i find it all over-bearing. i mean, how many guys my age see their folks every week? i'm thinking of moving far away just to avoid it altogether
1 Make the most of them while they are around, you will never get the time again
2 Don;t call every Sunday, let them know your not available to be on call unless something serious is up
3 If you renting and can get a place to stay further from them but still close to work (other side) go for it.
Main thing is they want you there, you don;t want to be so visit on your terms - like not every weekend -simple as?
jonathan_heart: need a bit of advice here. im almost 30 and live on my own, but i live fairly near to my parents place. thing is, they expect me to call up ever Sunday dinner, and sometimes ask me to call up more often. to be honest i find it all over-bearing. i mean, how many guys my age see their folks every week? i'm thinking of moving far away just to avoid it altogether
if i could afford my own place, i'd probly cut off all tie's to my family.More Threads
Isis
Your Mental Health
What Clothes Do You Feel Comfortable Wearing?
New here. Single Guy from Grand Rapids, MI.
the death nail for dating websites
Name A Book In The Bible That Begins With The First Letter Of Your Name
Thinking out loud #3
What does it mean to be a man or a woman?
A question
"Emotions at the Crossroads"
More Threads
Report threads that break rules, are offensive, or contain fighting. Staff may not be aware of the forum abuse, and cannot do anything about it unless you tell us about it. click to report forum abuse »
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
Related Forums
- Isis
- Your Mental Health
- What Clothes Do You Feel Comfortable Wearing?
- New here. Single Guy from Grand Rapids, MI.
- the death nail for dating websites
- Name A Book In The Bible That Begins With The First Letter Of Your Name
- Thinking out loud #3
- What does it mean to be a man or a woman?
- A question
- "Emotions at the Crossroads"
i'm not going to argue or get into specifics, but just because did things for you when you were younger, doesnt mean they were good parents. i'd rather if people didnt generalize