Is there........... (94)
NuliiiiiiiDublin, Ireland449 Threads 7,367 PostsTurkishDelight: hiya Nuliiiii..lovely day and we are doing such amazing work..saving the humourless
Your a gas lady i tell ya haha
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Two men are arrested for selling drugs are standing before the judge. The Judge tells them to bring me back 10 more druggies by tomorrow who promise to stop using drugs and I'll set you free. The next day the first dealer show up empty handed. The judge asked him Why. And he replies. I drew 2 circles, a one big and a one small and told them, "This is your brain before drugs and this is your brain after you take drugs". The judge sends him to jail. Later the second dealer arrives followed by 50 druggies into the court house promising never to do drugs again. Amazed the judge ask him how did he do it? the dealer replied " I drew 2 circles on the board, One small and one big and told them, " This is your a**hole before prison...."
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cemercat: Two men are arrested for selling drugs are standing before the judge. The Judge tells them to bring me back 10 more druggies by tomorrow who promise to stop using drugs and I'll set you free. The next day the first dealer show up empty handed. The judge asked him Why. And he replies. I drew 2 circles, a one big and a one small and told them, "This is your brain before drugs and this is your brain after you take drugs". The judge sends him to jail. Later the second dealer arrives followed by 50 druggies into the court house promising never to do drugs again. Amazed the judge ask him how did he do it? the dealer replied " I drew 2 circles on the board, One small and one big and told them, " This is your a**hole before prison...."
Ouchhhhhhhhhhhhhh 
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a man trying to get entrance to heaven was asked how he died, i was making love to a woman when her husband came home so i jumped in the freezer to hide, he threw it out the window, he was granted admittance, the next man in line was asked the same question, i don't know what happened for sure, i was walking down the street when a freezer fell on me.
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Nuliiiiiii: Your a gas lady i tell ya haha
gerrr-out-ta-dat woman
I full of gas I yam 
Note to self...look for jokes about farting
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caspatch: a man trying to get entrance to heaven was asked how he died, i was making love to a woman when her husband came home so i jumped in the freezer to hide, he threw it out the window, he was granted admittance, the next man in line was asked the same question, i don't know what happened for sure, i was walking down the street when a freezer fell on me.
Hiya Casp------ This thread is Archived ------
hi nulii glad to see you in full humor taday
glad to see you in full humor taday------ This thread is Archived ------
caspatch: hi nulii glad to see you in full humor taday
As always Casp lol ------ This thread is Archived ------
Jesus was a woman
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone Brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Fathers business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. Even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was more work for Him to do.
Amen!!!
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone Brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Fathers business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. Even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was more work for Him to do.
Amen!!!
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TurkishDelight: Jesus was a woman
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone Brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Fathers business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. Even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was more work for Him to do.
Amen!!!
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone Brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Fathers business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. Even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was more work for Him to do.
Amen!!!
Amen
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A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighborhood
A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighborhood. Every Friday, the Catholics go crazy because, while they're morosely eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks. So the Catholics work on the Jew to convert him. Finally, by threats and pleading, the Catholics succeed. They take the Jew to a priest who sprinkles holy water on the Jew and intones:
"Born a Jew -- Raised a Jew -- Now a Catholic."
The Catholics are ecstatic. No more delicious, but maddening smells every Friday evening. But the next Friday evening, the scent of barbecue wafts through the neighborhood. The Catholics all rush to the Jew's house to remind him of his new diet.
They see him standing over the cooking steak. He is sprinkling water on the meat and saying:
"Born a cow -- Raised a cow -- Now a fish."
A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighborhood. Every Friday, the Catholics go crazy because, while they're morosely eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks. So the Catholics work on the Jew to convert him. Finally, by threats and pleading, the Catholics succeed. They take the Jew to a priest who sprinkles holy water on the Jew and intones:
"Born a Jew -- Raised a Jew -- Now a Catholic."
The Catholics are ecstatic. No more delicious, but maddening smells every Friday evening. But the next Friday evening, the scent of barbecue wafts through the neighborhood. The Catholics all rush to the Jew's house to remind him of his new diet.
They see him standing over the cooking steak. He is sprinkling water on the meat and saying:
"Born a cow -- Raised a cow -- Now a fish."
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The Confession Session
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears several confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand."
The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and I understand, how did you feel about that?"
The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, 'No way! What happened next?'"
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears several confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand."
The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and I understand, how did you feel about that?"
The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, 'No way! What happened next?'"
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Man says to God, "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says, "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God replies, "So she would love you."
Bring it on boys...whats the best you can come up with against the ladies
Show your stuff ladies and have a battle of wits wiht the lads
That would be unfair Better give them a head start
God says, "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God replies, "So she would love you."
Bring it on boys...whats the best you can come up with against the ladies Show your stuff ladies and have a battle of wits wiht the lads That would be unfair Better give them a head start------ This thread is Archived ------
Ian Paisley, as we all know adores the queen and the queen mother, he loved them so much, that he has a picture of each on either side of his bed.
Each night he would give his "girls a wee kiss and say goodnight.
Well his wife Eileen was getting sick and tired of the girls getting their kisses and she got none.So she took action, went to a tattoo parlour and got a tat of the "girls" done.
That night when the Big Ian went to bed, he discovered his "girls were gone!! While he shouted and roared, Eileen threw back the covers on the bed, "Big Man I have something for you, have a wee look", and by god did Big Ian get bigger for on the inside on Eilleen 's right thigh, there was an image of the Queen Mum and on the left the Queen herself!! Big Ian bent down and kissed the Queen Mum saying goodnight mam, he kissed the queen and bid her goonight.
As Eileen waited with bated breath her thighs all a quiver, Big Ian leaned back and said to poor Eileen
"I'll be damned if I kiss Gerry Adams!!!!!"
Each night he would give his "girls a wee kiss and say goodnight.
Well his wife Eileen was getting sick and tired of the girls getting their kisses and she got none.So she took action, went to a tattoo parlour and got a tat of the "girls" done.
That night when the Big Ian went to bed, he discovered his "girls were gone!! While he shouted and roared, Eileen threw back the covers on the bed, "Big Man I have something for you, have a wee look", and by god did Big Ian get bigger for on the inside on Eilleen 's right thigh, there was an image of the Queen Mum and on the left the Queen herself!! Big Ian bent down and kissed the Queen Mum saying goodnight mam, he kissed the queen and bid her goonight.
As Eileen waited with bated breath her thighs all a quiver, Big Ian leaned back and said to poor Eileen
"I'll be damned if I kiss Gerry Adams!!!!!"
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