Is there........... ( Archived) (94)

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a “handy woman” and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch (veranda)”, he said. “How much will you charge me?”
The blonde quickly responded: “How about $50?”
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man’s wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband: “Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?”

He responded: “Thats a bit cynical, isn’t it?”
The wife replied: “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all those ‘dumb blonde’ jokes we’ve been getting by e-mail lately.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” the husband asked.
“Yes”, the blonde replied, “and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats”.
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her……

“And by the way”, the blonde added, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus”.

An 80-years old man goes for a physical.All tests come back with normal results.The doctor says,'George,everything looks great.How are you doing mentally and emotionally?Are you at peace with God?'
George replies:'God and I are tight.He knows I have poor eyesight,so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom-Poof!the light goes on.Whem I'm done,Poof! the light goes off.'
'Wow,that's incredible',says the doctor.
A little later in the day,the doctor calls George's wife .'Ethel.'he says,'George is doing fine!But I had to call you,because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.Is it true that when he getd up during the night and Poof!the light goes on in the bathroom ,and when he's done ,Poof!the light goes off?'

'Oh ,my God'Ethel exclaims.'He's pissing in the fridge again!'

jack and jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter , jill came down with $2.50

@ patmac....

Three-Legged Chickens"

A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 50 mph. He accelerated to 60, and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 mph, and the chicken passed him. The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked the farmer, "What's up with these chickens?" The farmer said "Well, everybody likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I'm going to be a millionaire." The man asked him how they tasted. The farmer said, "Don't know, haven't caught one yet