Is there........... ( Archived) (94)

Mar 13, 2010 7:57 PM CST Is there...........
TurkishDelight
TurkishDelightTurkishDelightDublin, Antrim Ireland139 Threads 3,998 Posts
A doctor in the house dunno


Quick I need one ASAP!!!


OH My Goodness shock

Help needed now people professor

We have a patient going down.......fast shock

Hurry up Doc please

You need to get the procedure done quickly before they loose ituh oh

Oh No..its happening already wow

We need a Humour Transplant ASAP professor

dunno will assist dunno

All jokes are needed Right Now!,.......doesn't matter the flavour just get the jokes in now...they are fading fast..blues

We need your ageist/deaf/blind/ gender specific/wife/husband/religious/sporting...........anything at all people................ they need a transfusion now!!!


grin
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Mar 13, 2010 7:59 PM CST Is there...........
conjor
conjorconjorSmithfield, North Carolina USA61 Threads 2,056 Posts
TurkishDelight: A doctor in the house Quick I need one ASAP!!!OH My Goodness

Help needed now people

We have a patient going down.......fast

Hurry up Doc

You need to get the procedure done quickly before they loose it

Oh No..its happening already

We need a Humour Transplant ASAP

will assist

All jokes are needed Right Now!,.......doesn't matter the flavour just get the jokes in now...they are fading fast..

We need your ageist/deaf/blind/ gender specific/wife/husband/religious/sporting...........anything at all people................ they need a transfusion now!!!
Transfusion?But i dont know what my blood type is???uh oh
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Mar 13, 2010 8:01 PM CST Is there...........
JAN_is
JAN_isJAN_isMurcia city centre, Murcia Spain109 Threads 3,849 Posts
TurkishDelight: A doctor in the house Quick I need one ASAP!!!OH My Goodness

Help needed now people

We have a patient going down.......fast

Hurry up Doc

You need to get the procedure done quickly before they loose it

Oh No..its happening already

We need a Humour Transplant ASAP

will assist

All jokes are needed Right Now!,.......doesn't matter the flavour just get the jokes in now...they are fading fast..

We need your ageist/deaf/blind/ gender specific/wife/husband/religious/sporting...........anything at all people................ they need a transfusion now!!!


Yeah, but make sure they aren´t a hundred years old. doh

I´ve heard them all before. sigh
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Mar 13, 2010 8:02 PM CST Is there...........
TurkishDelight
TurkishDelightTurkishDelightDublin, Antrim Ireland139 Threads 3,998 Posts
Three women die together in an accident
and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on . very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.


St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
Man replies I don’t know about you but I stepped on a duck grin
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Mar 13, 2010 8:05 PM CST Is there...........
TurkishDelight
TurkishDelightTurkishDelightDublin, Antrim Ireland139 Threads 3,998 Posts
JAN_is: Yeah, but make sure they aren´t a hundred years old.

I´ve heard them all before.


wave Nurse Ratchet wink Line them up and we can see if they are out of date wink
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Mar 13, 2010 8:05 PM CST Is there...........
LadyPhoenix1965
LadyPhoenix1965LadyPhoenix1965Chesterland, Ohio USA17 Threads 1,047 Posts
JAN_is: Yeah, but make sure they aren´t a hundred years old.

I´ve heard them all before.


My granddad used to say: Don't tell me any jokes. If they're not dirty, I don't want to hear them. If they are, I already have...

cheers
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Mar 13, 2010 8:10 PM CST Is there...........
JAN_is
JAN_isJAN_isMurcia city centre, Murcia Spain109 Threads 3,849 Posts
TurkishDelight: Nurse Ratchet Line them up and we can see if they are out of date


Mine are too rude and crude, couldn´t possibly post them here. Courtesy of one of my brothers...Liverpudlian....who regularly texts me the sickest, but most contemporary jokes. Knowing of course that they will upset my liberal sensibilities. rolling on the floor laughing wave
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Mar 13, 2010 8:13 PM CST Is there...........
TurkishDelight
TurkishDelightTurkishDelightDublin, Antrim Ireland139 Threads 3,998 Posts
JAN_is: Mine are too rude and crude, couldn´t possibly post them here. Courtesy of one of my brothers...Liverpudlian....who regularly texts me the sickest, but most contemporary jokes. Knowing of course that they will upset my liberal sensibilities.


Go on ...I dare you grin

remeber the patient.....they are fading away...you need to help them Jan wink
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Mar 13, 2010 8:15 PM CST Is there...........
jbibiza
jbibizajbibizaCasinos, Valencia Spain94 Threads 4 Polls 4,914 Posts
One of my best male friends and I have tasteless jokes competitions...they're awful...but you can't help but laugh. I'd be crucified if I told them here
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Mar 13, 2010 8:16 PM CST Is there...........
RDM59
RDM59RDM59Edinburgh, Lothian, Scotland UK92 Threads 5 Polls 14,070 Posts
jbibiza: One of my best male friends and I have tasteless jokes competitions...they're awful...but you can't help but laugh. I'd be crucified if I told them here


Psssst .... put them here then perhaps ......grin

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Mar 13, 2010 8:17 PM CST Is there...........
TurkishDelight
TurkishDelightTurkishDelightDublin, Antrim Ireland139 Threads 3,998 Posts
jbibiza: One of my best male friends and I have tasteless jokes competitions...they're awful...but you can't help but laugh. I'd be crucified if I told them here


Go on go on tongue

One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights. She thought to herself, "Uh-oh, what have I done now? I'm not speeding. I'm not drinking. I have my seat belt on! I have kept up my license dues and everything!"

So, she pulled over and the police car pulled over to the side right behind her car. She drove her car slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down the window, and prepared for a ticket when she knew she didn't deserve it. A policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her. The lady pointed to her ear and shook her head, meaning she was deaf. The policeman smiled slightly, and knowing sign language, signed back, "I know. I'm here to tell you that your horn is stuck."
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Mar 13, 2010 8:24 PM CST Is there...........
jbibiza
jbibizajbibizaCasinos, Valencia Spain94 Threads 4 Polls 4,914 Posts
RDM59: Psssst .... put them here then perhaps ......



All good but pissed myself over the homless one...rolling on the floor laughing
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Mar 13, 2010 8:27 PM CST Is there...........
JAN_is
JAN_isJAN_isMurcia city centre, Murcia Spain109 Threads 3,849 Posts
TurkishDelight: What do you call and African Virgin ...A Koonttigetinta


rolling on the floor laughing

You´re wicked!


These are much funnier than the jokes we usually read here.....but baaaaddd!
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Mar 13, 2010 8:27 PM CST Is there...........
TurkishDelight
TurkishDelightTurkishDelightDublin, Antrim Ireland139 Threads 3,998 Posts
JAN_is: You´re wicked!These are much funnier than the jokes we usually read here.....but baaaaddd!


grin

Why do farts smell?So deaf people can enjoy them too. grin
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Mar 13, 2010 8:30 PM CST Is there...........
TurkishDelight: A doctor in the house Quick I need one ASAP!!!OH My Goodness

Help needed now people

We have a patient going down.......fast

Hurry up Doc

You need to get the procedure done quickly before they loose it

Oh No..its happening already

We need a Humour Transplant ASAP

will assist

All jokes are needed Right Now!,.......doesn't matter the flavour just get the jokes in now...they are fading fast..

We need your ageist/deaf/blind/ gender specific/wife/husband/religious/sporting...........anything at all people................ they need a transfusion now!!!

well as long as they are type A- pos - I'm fine wiht helping!
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Mar 13, 2010 8:42 PM CST Is there...........
TurkishDelight
TurkishDelightTurkishDelightDublin, Antrim Ireland139 Threads 3,998 Posts
LIPREADING:

Researchers tell us that only about 25 percent of what is said can be understood by lipreading.

For example:

Suppose a woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon,
You and I need to clean this place up,
Your stuff is lying all over on the floor
and you'll have no clothes to wear tomorrow
unless we do the laundry right now!"

Her lipreading husband will get:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
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Mar 13, 2010 8:44 PM CST Is there...........
JAN_is
JAN_isJAN_isMurcia city centre, Murcia Spain109 Threads 3,849 Posts
TurkishDelight: Incoming!!!!!

What the hell We have Irish Jokes on here all the time...that is why a transplant is needed ASAP


Ooops you may be right! What the hell....another.....Only in America will a pizza arrive quicker than an ambulance. pizza hole
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Mar 13, 2010 8:46 PM CST Is there...........
TurkishDelight
TurkishDelightTurkishDelightDublin, Antrim Ireland139 Threads 3,998 Posts
JAN_is: Ooops you may be right! What the hell....another.....Only in America will a pizza arrive quicker than an ambulance.


uh oh

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing


I was at my bank today; there was a short line.
Just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen
for dollars.It was obvious she was a little irritated. . . She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?'
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.'
The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people too!

uh oh hole laugh
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Mar 13, 2010 8:51 PM CST Is there...........
jbibiza
jbibizajbibizaCasinos, Valencia Spain94 Threads 4 Polls 4,914 Posts
TurkishDelight: I was at my bank today; there was a short line.
Just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen
for dollars.It was obvious she was a little irritated. . . She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?'
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.'
The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people too!



rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Mar 13, 2010 8:53 PM CST Is there...........
TurkishDelight
TurkishDelightTurkishDelightDublin, Antrim Ireland139 Threads 3,998 Posts
A young deaf American was taking a vacation overseas. He got a Eurail pass and toured Holland, France, Belgium, and a bunch of other places before ending up in Germany. At his first village, he went into a pub and there, off in the corner, were three older German gentlemen who were signing. They appeared to be deaf. The young man watched and figured he could understand the signs enough to carry on a conversation.

He got a beer and asked if they would allow him to join them, and they did. They chatted about this and that, and soon conversation gave way to how each of them became deaf. The first older German said, "Well, I was a soldier in WWII, and my platoon was hit by a big American mortar, and it exploded near my head, and I lost all my hearing." The American boy was kind of saddened by this. The second German went on:" I was in a UBoat and my job was to listen for enemy ships. An American destroyer dropped a depth bomb on my ship, and it went off very close to it, and I lost my hearing as a result." Oh no, thinks the young American. How awful. The third German held forth: "I was in a plane, and we were struck by a bomb, and it went off right next to me, and it blew out my ears, and that is how I lost my hearing."

Well, that was just awful, the young American thinks. My country is indirectly responsible for these poor chaps going deaf. He was sad about this until they asked him how he became deaf. Smiling, he signed, "Well, before I was born, my mom got German measles." grin grin
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