My Ben ( Archived) (40)

Thanks for sharing, Lori. It does take a while to get through it. I can pick up on the grief that you expressed. I can understand the rage. I can remember shaking my fist air the empty air and saying how dare you. You wouldn't think a person could cry so much until you hurt from the pain. It is like a tenderizer. Being sensitive to everything. I hope you are coping, today. I can remember when I couldn't cope at all.

lovely poem but very sad lori

i remember, as well...when coping was impossible. i would stare out the window...for hours...and never even realize the passing of time. i thank my wonderful friends...that pulled together to get me through it.

sad? yeah...it is. it was written at my lowest, and i hope to never visit that place again.

how dare you...yeah...anger, rage, and an overwhelming sense of guilt. of thinking that there HAD to've been SOMETHING, anything...i could have changed. instead, i turned him out that night.

ah...the follies of youth. at one time, i would have said that i wished i had never met him. now...i cling to the knowledge that such a powerful bond can exist.

No poems convey your feelings more deeply than those that you write during moments of deep emotion.

I know what you mean about wanting to go back and edit. It's not just for the sake of the poem, but rather for the sake of more powerfully conveying your feelings. I too wrote a poem when someone close to me died. I rhymed the poem in almost every line. In hindsight that was probably not the best thing to do, but I was still able to convey what I felt at the time. I will never throw the original poem away.

But I think it's alright to re-write it. It allows you to release even more of what you hold pent up inside. In fact, you may even want to create a brand new poem or prose to speak to issues that you have experienced since.

The following is the poem I wrote when my mother died. I hope it's alright that I've posted it here.


~ Empty Heart ~

~~~

Waves crash upon the rocks
with undulating persistence
washing away the sands of time
that gave birth to our existence

From ashes to ashes and dust to dust
everything cycles in form
this is the nature of life as we know it
it's a endless emotional storm

My mother was a living testament
to the beautiful things that arise
and now that she's gone
there's nothing to do
but wipe
the tears
from my eyes

Emptiness is but a void
a void that carries great pain
emptiness within my soul
is an unbearable emotional drain

I loved my mother more than I can say
I've told her many times
but knowing that does not relieve
the pain of all my crimes

In retrospect I could have done
this, and that, and so much more
my mother never thought like that
she wasn’t one to keep the score

She accepted life with all its woes
and rejoiced in all its joy
the only wish she ever had
was to love her little boy

She loved her little girl as well
for love is what she was
a thought of mom will bring a smile
because it always does

It really is that simple
my mother was like a star
spreading rays of loveshine
that traveled near and far

Missing her is hard to take
her vacant room left in her wake
death has shaken like a quake
my empty heart so full of ache

Everything seems so futile now
it doesn't make sense to plan
nothing will ever replace her
for nothing ever can

The tides recede from the rocky beach
and sand is washed away
loneliness lingers as the waters calm
and emptiness fills the day

Sunlight glistens on the ocean's skin
sparkling like a magical wand
a visual signal from heaven
a message from the great beyond

Life as we know it is temporary
for everyone dies in the end
life's an illusion of atoms and dust
an illusion we all must transcend

My mother's in spiritual form once again
and she's watching her little boy grow
I need to be thankful for all of her memories
and for all that she gave me I owe

I can't now go back to give her more love
but I can live with love in my heart
for this is what my mother would wish
and it's what I must impart

The empty void that fills my heart
will not be easy to ignore
but filling it with love will be,
my most endearing chore

Loving my mother is still alive
even though she's no longer here
I'll love her forever with all of my heart
as I pursue my empty frontier

~~~

Don't edit it was written from the frame of mind you felt at the time.

It was full of beauty and sadness and touched me.

AB

james...i'm honored that you would place your prose in this thread...

i've avoided all writing since he died, other than research papers, heh.

AB...thank you for that.

It was very touching indeed.

James' poems always touch me. A very beautiful written poem.

Writing is good. You should write. It doesn't need to be about profound issues all the time. Sometimes it's just nice to write about the butterly the flew past you on a mid-summer's day. You never know where such writings may lead.

i...i used to write all the time. poetry regularly...stories...yada yada. i love language...and all that it can do.

i just lost that spark, is all. the very idea of starting again terrifies me. i even took a couple of creative writing classes to get the juices flowing...and ended up writing one new story and just re-working older ones. and the new one...was from an idea from before.

all creativity just...went out the window.