Dating man with kids (43)
Hello_Kittykat: Dating someone with kid(s) is not an easy job.Specially if their mother stil alive.Then you will always have the competition between their mother and you.They will see you as something who want to take theirs father away.My husband doesn't have kids from his previous marriage but I do.My daughter is quite allright with him but sometimes to posesive.She want all atention , from both of us.She's not reacting jealous but my heart say that she want me 24/7 :)
Carenza : ik zie dat je in Zuid Holland woont.Is jouw echte naam Mihaela of jij lijkt klein beetje op andere vrouw die ik ken?
Carenza : ik zie dat je in Zuid Holland woont.Is jouw echte naam Mihaela of jij lijkt klein beetje op andere vrouw die ik ken?
nee ik heet geen michaela.....misschien dat ik een klein beetje op iemand anders lijkt...
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Hi There am really new to this site so hope I'm not interupting but I have just separated after 30 years of marriage. I took on a stepson aged 11 when I married my ex , we then had two daughters of our own, 30 years on his son can still do no wrong even at the expense of our daughters financially as well as emotionaly...all to do with some twisted guilt complex over his first marriage failing. He still can't see his son was better off without his biological mother and father staying together.
All I am saying is if he is not backing you up with the boy you have no chance..
Sorry to everyone if this post was a bit long winded
All I am saying is if he is not backing you up with the boy you have no chance..
Sorry to everyone if this post was a bit long winded
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Try to look at it from the perspective of the kid. His parents are divorced (or his mother is maybe dead, and he is a widow...) there is a great deal of sorrow, and feeling of loss, when parents are not together anymore. At the other hand there is the feeling of revenge, and wanting to get even, about what has happened to him. These are all logical and normal behaviour paterns for a child when parents divorce or worst mom disseased. So you are seen as an intruder, while at the other hand the kid wants all your love and attention. These are double emotional standards, and very logical and normal. The KEY is UNDERSTANDING ! And therefore let the kid know thousands times in wording that you understand him and acknowledge him for who and what he his. These are the first steps to create trust. That will take time, and also depends on the level the kid is in. His past upbringing, the environment he is grown up in, etc. But that is what you have to start to get into. Hope this helps.
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Creative2004: Try to look at it from the perspective of the kid. His parents are divorced (or his mother is maybe dead, and he is a widow...) there is a great deal of sorrow, and feeling of loss, when parents are not together anymore. At the other hand there is the feeling of revenge, and wanting to get even, about what has happened to him. These are all logical and normal behaviour paterns for a child when parents divorce or worst mom disseased. So you are seen as an intruder, while at the other hand the kid wants all your love and attention. These are double emotional standards, and very logical and normal. The KEY is UNDERSTANDING ! And therefore let the kid know thousands times in wording that you understand him and acknowledge him for who and what he his. These are the first steps to create trust. That will take time, and also depends on the level the kid is in. His past upbringing, the environment he is grown up in, etc. But that is what you have to start to get into. Hope this helps.
His mother is not dead.
She is very well, enjoying her life.
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epirb: thank you so much for your insult I feel alot better now . I shall be a lot more sercumspect who I offer advice to , thank you again .
as an impartial observer it did not seem so much advice as you insulting her...people in glass houses should not throw stones...------ This thread is Archived ------
Floria22: Have a bad ... bad experience with a 14yo boy of the man i am dating ...
just ... BAD !
anybody can share similar stories ... ? ... maybe i can get some kind of advice ... :(
just ... BAD !
anybody can share similar stories ... ? ... maybe i can get some kind of advice ... :(
I would rather be alone than date a man with kids - young or old. I have done it before and it was hell, hell, hell. Me too I dated a man who lived his 14 year son. I will never do it again. Even my cleaner who has 4 kids herself advises me never to do it. I know what you are going through.
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Never dated a man with children adult or otherwise and don't know if I would.
I've known men/women who have done so and said they have either had or had no problems.
I've known men/women who have done so and said they have either had or had no problems.
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Hello_Kittykat: Dating someone with kid(s) is not an easy job.Specially if their mother stil alive.Then you will always have the competition between their mother and you.They will see you as something who want to take theirs father away.My husband doesn't have kids from his previous marriage but I do.My daughter is quite allright with him but sometimes to posesive.She want all atention , from both of us.She's not reacting jealous but my heart say that she want me 24/7 :)
Carenza : ik zie dat je in Zuid Holland woont.Is jouw echte naam Mihaela of jij lijkt klein beetje op andere vrouw die ik ken?
Carenza : ik zie dat je in Zuid Holland woont.Is jouw echte naam Mihaela of jij lijkt klein beetje op andere vrouw die ik ken?
Yes, I experienced that but it won't happen to me again.
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Floria22: Thank you girls ... ! :)
I'll try some more patience... and more ...
I'll try some more patience... and more ...
hello floria
if you are really interested to him,and he is worthy enough..you really need patience and try to befriend with this young boy,so that he will not feel to be threaten.this teenager feels insecurity,show him love..------ This thread is Archived ------
epirb: not sure what it is like where you are from time numbers come out about relationships here . 75 per cent of relationships fail where there are children from another one . I chose not to get into a relationship because of what you are going through . Do you really dig the guy ? Mad ex's are worse than a child I think
me neither
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Floria22: Have a bad ... bad experience with a 14yo boy of the man i am dating ...
just ... BAD !
anybody can share similar stories ... ? ... maybe i can get some kind of advice ... :(
just ... BAD !
anybody can share similar stories ... ? ... maybe i can get some kind of advice ... :(
Been there and I know the frustration. Of course I didn’t realize the error in my choice until we were cohabitating. I looked at your profile and you ask about moral values in your headline. It is so very important for a couple to be morally on the same page and this was one problem I had with a situation similar to yours. We just didn’t seem to be in sync. If my moral compass pointed North hers was South. I couldn’t understand how hers was so far off from mine in how a family unit will function. Either our values, setting of boundaries and parenting skills were so radically different or she was just too tired or felt guilty about who knows what. So there was no follow through on her part and I ended up being the bad guy and she their “friend“. And so it became a complete disfuction and I lost respect for her as a parent and ultimately the woman that I had chosen to someday bear a child with.
So determine if you’re on the same page and communicate. Put yourself in situations where you can observe his parenting skills especially under distress and chaos. Find out if your ideas synchronize with his about how a family unit might thrive and the importance of the role of a parent and assume no issue will just work itself out on its own. It’s usually those very issues that some shy away from that end up “deal breakers”. If you love the guy understand that from my experience sometimes it isn’t enough. When one begins to compromise their core being or what makes them them, they’ll end up angry and bitter. Others’ kids make it very difficult (in my case she had 2 from 2 different donors) and if the “molding” has taken place one has to either accept this or move on. For the most part, these kids are a direct reflection of their parents parenting skills. Choose wisely.
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well said purr4mance...
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Hello_Kittykat: Floria may I ask : where are you from?Are you english or other nationality?
I am not british , no .
But i am European ...so there are no culture differences if that's what you think of.
Or is there other reason for the question ?
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carenza: guess patience is not enough...
it's not a one way street....and I think it is important that the father plays the biggest part in this one, as he is the cement factor in the whole. ..
hope I translated that well.
it's not a one way street....and I think it is important that the father plays the biggest part in this one, as he is the cement factor in the whole. ..
hope I translated that well.
The male superiority prerogative exempts us from playing a part..
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purr4mance: Been there and I know the frustration. Of course I didn’t realize the error in my choice until we were cohabitating. I looked at your profile and you ask about moral values in your headline. It is so very important for a couple to be morally on the same page and this was one problem I had with a situation similar to yours. We just didn’t seem to be in sync. If my moral compass pointed North hers was South. I couldn’t understand how hers was so far off from mine in how a family unit will function. Either our values, setting of boundaries and parenting skills were so radically different or she was just too tired or felt guilty about who knows what. So there was no follow through on her part and I ended up being the bad guy and she their “friend“. And so it became a complete disfuction and I lost respect for her as a parent and ultimately the woman that I had chosen to someday bear a child with.
So determine if you’re on the same page and communicate. Put yourself in situations where you can observe his parenting skills especially under distress and chaos. Find out if your ideas synchronize with his about how a family unit might thrive and the importance of the role of a parent and assume no issue will just work itself out on its own. It’s usually those very issues that some shy away from that end up “deal breakers”. If you love the guy understand that from my experience sometimes it isn’t enough. When one begins to compromise their core being or what makes them them, they’ll end up angry and bitter. Others’ kids make it very difficult (in my case she had 2 from 2 different donors) and if the “molding” has taken place one has to either accept this or move on. For the most part, these kids are a direct reflection of their parents parenting skills. Choose wisely.
So determine if you’re on the same page and communicate. Put yourself in situations where you can observe his parenting skills especially under distress and chaos. Find out if your ideas synchronize with his about how a family unit might thrive and the importance of the role of a parent and assume no issue will just work itself out on its own. It’s usually those very issues that some shy away from that end up “deal breakers”. If you love the guy understand that from my experience sometimes it isn’t enough. When one begins to compromise their core being or what makes them them, they’ll end up angry and bitter. Others’ kids make it very difficult (in my case she had 2 from 2 different donors) and if the “molding” has taken place one has to either accept this or move on. For the most part, these kids are a direct reflection of their parents parenting skills. Choose wisely.
Yes ... everything you said make perfect sense ...
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equiya: I would rather be alone than date a man with kids - young or old. I have done it before and it was hell, hell, hell. Me too I dated a man who lived his 14 year son. I will never do it again. Even my cleaner who has 4 kids herself advises me never to do it. I know what you are going through.
I will never do it again either ! If ... this will not work out...
I trully hate the ALONE "thing" ...
And the guy is so ooo sweet when his boy is not around ! :(((((((
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Floria22: Yes ... everything you said make perfect sense ...
thank you.
my prerogative allows me to express views that other men are not allowed to..
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Floria22: Well .. is not about being in a hurry or not ... but having every single day doors shut in your face , sitting in front of you so you can't pass, yelling around just because , demanding his father attention non-stop , asking me when do i leave for good ....i am kind of sure i won't be able to take that for the next 4 years or so ... till he might grow up ... :(
I don't know ... :(
I don't know ... :(
What is the boy's father doing to his son to try & help the situation? I went through the same thing but only with a step daughter,my ex kept her under control, plus at the same time I did all i could to bond with the girl. In the end the daughter & me became best friends and everything turned out ok.tips dont try to ever be his mother, until you are close enough leave the disciplin to him, it is very hard work in mixed family's but it it is worth it you can get through this problem. Good luck & I hope it works out before yet another child wins in a relationship.
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Carenza : ik zie dat je in Zuid Holland woont.Is jouw echte naam Mihaela of jij lijkt klein beetje op andere vrouw die ik ken?