Dating man with kids (43)
Floria22: Have a bad ... bad experience with a 14yo boy of the man i am dating ...
just ... BAD !
anybody can share similar stories ... ? ... maybe i can get some kind of advice ... :(
not sure what it is like where you are from time numbers come out about relationships here . 75 per cent of relationships fail where there are children from another one . I chose not to get into a relationship because of what you are going through . Do you really dig the guy ? Mad ex's are worse than a child I thinkjust ... BAD !
anybody can share similar stories ... ? ... maybe i can get some kind of advice ... :(
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I like the man a lot ... but ... his son is making it sooooooo .....close to impossible :(
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In response to: Have a bad ... bad experience with a 14yo boy of the man i am dating ...
just ... BAD !
anybody can share similar stories ... ? ... maybe i can get some kind of advice ... :(
are you in a hurry , the son will be leaving home soon enough , You can have a little of your cake and eat it to in the meantime ! Does the guy know whats going on .Would never do to come between them .just ... BAD !
anybody can share similar stories ... ? ... maybe i can get some kind of advice ... :(
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epirb: are you in a hurry , the son will be leaving home soon enough , You can have a little of your cake and eat it to in the meantime ! Does the guy know whats going on .Would never do to come between them .
Well .. is not about being in a hurry or not ... but having every single day doors shut in your face , sitting in front of you so you can't pass, yelling around just because , demanding his father attention non-stop , asking me when do i leave for good ....i am kind of sure i won't be able to take that for the next 4 years or so ... till he might grow up ... :(
I don't know ... :(
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carenza: I am not silent....just seen this topic and I am still thinking what I would do in this particular situation.
I wouldn't want a man to come in between me and my daughter, so I imagine it would work the same the other way around.
there are a few options in my opinion but all come down to good communication.
the son is 14 years old, so I think he is old enough to have a talk with.
but first talk to the father, tell him what you go through everytime and what the both of you can do about it.
I think it would be wise if father talks to the son and finally all of you sit down for a good conversation.
tell son in front of father that you are staying, no matter what son thinks or does. show him you mean it.
observe father's reactions very well....and make up your mind if he is with you on this.
if not, then leave them be....
if he is with you, then you have a partner to back you up whenever it goes wrong.
the son is still his responsability, so whenever troubles occur, he has to solve them with his son.
and last....better to bite your tongue in certain situations to keep the peace...
it's these things that make me hesitant to start dating single fathers...
it can work the other way around too...and I am not sure if I could cope with that.
best of luck to you....
I wouldn't want a man to come in between me and my daughter, so I imagine it would work the same the other way around.
there are a few options in my opinion but all come down to good communication.
the son is 14 years old, so I think he is old enough to have a talk with.
but first talk to the father, tell him what you go through everytime and what the both of you can do about it.
I think it would be wise if father talks to the son and finally all of you sit down for a good conversation.
tell son in front of father that you are staying, no matter what son thinks or does. show him you mean it.
observe father's reactions very well....and make up your mind if he is with you on this.
if not, then leave them be....
if he is with you, then you have a partner to back you up whenever it goes wrong.
the son is still his responsability, so whenever troubles occur, he has to solve them with his son.
and last....better to bite your tongue in certain situations to keep the peace...
it's these things that make me hesitant to start dating single fathers...
it can work the other way around too...and I am not sure if I could cope with that.
best of luck to you....
Thank you .
I've tryed to talk ... to both of them ... The boy is just turning his back and go or starts mocking me ...etc ..
the father ... i think he feels guilty for whatever happened with his boy's mother in the past ( don't really know details of their divorce ) , and so he let's his son do whatever. ( he does get angry at times, tell his son to stop but only at times and in the next 5-10 minutes all starts over again ...
I guess many people think i should just leave but ... the man is so good to me when we are alone ...
Just this boy is ... so annoying ... beyond words :(
Hoped some women would have the experience and give me an advice how to calm him down , just to ignore me !
pfffff
Sorry for all this venting :(
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Its really difficult to advise you on so little information. If somebody was there as a mediator, they could point out how you are all interacting and suggest ways to all behave differently towards each other, but any professional help would be dependant upon willing and it doesn't sound like you're going to get that in a hurry.
The boy no doubt is being "naughty" and I think kids are naughty for a reason. He's obviously in need of communicating something, but hasn't got the skills to work out what it is, or how to do it productively.
Maybe you need to get advice on your own on how to tackle this issue with the father first. Ultimately it will be for both their benefits as the father has a right to some of his needs being met in terms of a relationship and the boy really does need to resolve some of his issues in order to go on to have happy, healthy relationships himself.
It may be possible then for you and the father to seek help from an intermediate source and build it up from there.
I'd say that the boy feels frightened and out of control and he's asserting some level of control by bullying you both.
The boy no doubt is being "naughty" and I think kids are naughty for a reason. He's obviously in need of communicating something, but hasn't got the skills to work out what it is, or how to do it productively.
Maybe you need to get advice on your own on how to tackle this issue with the father first. Ultimately it will be for both their benefits as the father has a right to some of his needs being met in terms of a relationship and the boy really does need to resolve some of his issues in order to go on to have happy, healthy relationships himself.
It may be possible then for you and the father to seek help from an intermediate source and build it up from there.
I'd say that the boy feels frightened and out of control and he's asserting some level of control by bullying you both.
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Floria22: Have a bad ... bad experience with a 14yo boy of the man i am dating ...
just ... BAD !
anybody can share similar stories ... ? ... maybe i can get some kind of advice ... :(
just ... BAD !
anybody can share similar stories ... ? ... maybe i can get some kind of advice ... :(
sounds like boy feels threatened....give it time... i know it must be hard to take.....but 14 year old boys are going through their own transition from child into adult conflict------ This thread is Archived ------
eumundibabe: sounds like boy feels threatened....give it time... i know it must be hard to take.....but 14 year old boys are going through their own transition from child into adult conflict
I am still in that transition period.
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Floria22: Thank you .
I've tryed to talk ... to both of them ... The boy is just turning his back and go or starts mocking me ...etc ..
the father ... i think he feels guilty for whatever happened with his boy's mother in the past ( don't really know details of their divorce ) , and so he let's his son do whatever. ( he does get angry at times, tell his son to stop but only at times and in the next 5-10 minutes all starts over again ...
I guess many people think i should just leave but ... the man is so good to me when we are alone ...
Just this boy is ... so annoying ... beyond words :(
Hoped some women would have the experience and give me an advice how to calm him down , just to ignore me !
pfffff
Sorry for all this venting :(
every time you post it gets worse,you soon will be a tail down rather than a tale up woman ,take the advice you have had elsewhere , leave . As for the woman on here most are dishy some just as shallow .I've tryed to talk ... to both of them ... The boy is just turning his back and go or starts mocking me ...etc ..
the father ... i think he feels guilty for whatever happened with his boy's mother in the past ( don't really know details of their divorce ) , and so he let's his son do whatever. ( he does get angry at times, tell his son to stop but only at times and in the next 5-10 minutes all starts over again ...
I guess many people think i should just leave but ... the man is so good to me when we are alone ...
Just this boy is ... so annoying ... beyond words :(
Hoped some women would have the experience and give me an advice how to calm him down , just to ignore me !
pfffff
Sorry for all this venting :(
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The boy is almost a man and needs to be reminded of this.
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Floria22: I like the man a lot ... but ... his son is making it sooooooo .....close to impossible :(
He may see you as a threat to him. You are not his mother and you did not say if he does have a mother or not, but in some cases such as yours, the boy may be feeling that you are invading HIS conseptual territory. He may have been comfortable with the arrangement between him and his dad, and then you come along.I would suggest that you talk to the boy, alone, let him gain his trust in you and that you make it perfectly clear that you would like to be his friend, not his mother. Talk to him as a friend, not an adult. It makes a huge difference to a child.
Good luck with your situation.
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Floria22: I like the man a lot ... but ... his son is making it sooooooo .....close to impossible :(
I was in a simular situation, and to them the kids are first, i felt like i was being treated as a second classed citizen, so i ended it,I always follow my as you say, gut instinct.
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Kristia49: I was in a simular situation, and to them the kids are first, i felt like i was being treated as a second classed citizen, so i ended it,I always follow my as you say, gut instinct.
Gut instinct is always the best instinct.
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NAKEDMUDPEOPLE: Gut instinct is always the best instinct.
Sure is.
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It is difficult walking into an existing family and trying to make your place. The father needs to take charge or he is going to find himself alone...at least until junior is out of the house. Only you can decide if this wonderful man is worth it. I know my children would never act like that...their only wish is for Mom to be happy. In fact, I would have to demand their opinion in private...they would never say anything to make me unhappy.
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eumundibabe: sounds like boy feels threatened....give it time... i know it must be hard to take.....but 14 year old boys are going through their own transition from child into adult conflict
Yeah ... i know ... i am trying everyday ...the time thing :)
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presuming_m: It is difficult walking into an existing family and trying to make your place. The father needs to take charge or he is going to find himself alone...at least until junior is out of the house. Only you can decide if this wonderful man is worth it. I know my children would never act like that...their only wish is for Mom to be happy. In fact, I would have to demand their opinion in private...they would never say anything to make me unhappy.
True.
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guess patience is not enough...
it's not a one way street....and I think it is important that the father plays the biggest part in this one, as he is the cement factor in the whole. ..
hope I translated that well.
it's not a one way street....and I think it is important that the father plays the biggest part in this one, as he is the cement factor in the whole. ..
hope I translated that well.
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Created: Dec 2011
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just ... BAD !
anybody can share similar stories ... ? ... maybe i can get some kind of advice ... :(