One liners Tommy Cooper style. (18)
------ This thread is Archived ------
Dyson with death.....
i get it! 
i get it! ------ This thread is Archived ------
Rocksmith: Dyson with death..... i get it!
Hi Rock, Some people just don't get the British sense of humour which is very much tongue in cheek. The comedian in the title was a great one for
quick fire jokes.
------ This thread is Archived ------
As a Fan of Jim Morrison and his Band of the 70s
Went into H.M.V.the other day and asked the young assistant
{who"s only knowledge of music is very limited }
Have you anything by the "Doors "
Yes she replied ,
"A Bucket of Sand and a Fire Extinquisher "
{Did Tommy Cooper say this or was it me }
Went into H.M.V.the other day and asked the young assistant
{who"s only knowledge of music is very limited }
Have you anything by the "Doors "
Yes she replied ,
"A Bucket of Sand and a Fire Extinquisher "
{Did Tommy Cooper say this or was it me }
------ This thread is Archived ------
jonnt: As a Fan of Jim Morrison and his Band of the 70s
Went into H.M.V.the other day and asked the young assistant
{who"s only knowledge of music is very limited }
Have you anything by the "Doors "
Yes she replied ,
"A Bucket of Sand and a Fire Extinquisher "
{Did Tommy Cooper say this or was it me }
Went into H.M.V.the other day and asked the young assistant
{who"s only knowledge of music is very limited }
Have you anything by the "Doors "
Yes she replied ,
"A Bucket of Sand and a Fire Extinquisher "
{Did Tommy Cooper say this or was it me }
I reckon that was you as I know you have great sense of humour.------ This thread is Archived ------
bestbefore: I reckon that was you as I know you have great sense of humour.
Bestbefore
Tommy Cooper had perfect timing ,he was a one off .
------ This thread is Archived ------
Love them
Thank You Bestbefore
Thank You Bestbefore
------ This thread is Archived ------
So I was driving along in my car, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.
A policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'
And I said 'I careered off the road.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.
A policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'
And I said 'I careered off the road.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Alice_Hooper: So I was driving along in my car, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.
A policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'
And I said 'I careered off the road.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.
A policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'
And I said 'I careered off the road.
Sorry to hear that bro , hope your ok
------ This thread is Archived ------
... great selection BB ... hard to top that lot .... 
------ This thread is Archived ------
bestbefore: The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a
Vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
----oOo---- Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ." "Really, ..." says
Mick "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
----oOo---- I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume
she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
----oOo---- My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
girlfriend yet.
----oOo---- I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at
the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid...then I was petrified.
----oOo---- The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the
worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
----oOo---- A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.
----oOo---- I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I
was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I
thought to myself, they've lost the plot .....
----oOo---- My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to
our local pet shop and they were £70! "Blow this," I thought, "I can get
one cheaper off the web."
----oOo---- Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
----oOo----
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I
could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
----oOo----
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea
move.
----oOo----
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver
was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to
myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown."
----oOo----
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking
Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our
country?
I can hear him rhyme them off 'jus li tha' !!! I still watch his old shows on FTA Digital Vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
----oOo---- Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ." "Really, ..." says
Mick "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
----oOo---- I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume
she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
----oOo---- My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
girlfriend yet.
----oOo---- I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at
the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid...then I was petrified.
----oOo---- The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the
worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
----oOo---- A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.
----oOo---- I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I
was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I
thought to myself, they've lost the plot .....
----oOo---- My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to
our local pet shop and they were £70! "Blow this," I thought, "I can get
one cheaper off the web."
----oOo---- Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
----oOo----
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I
could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
----oOo----
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea
move.
----oOo----
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver
was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to
myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown."
----oOo----
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking
Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our
country?
------ This thread is Archived ------
I was walking along a narrow mountain ledge one fine day and who should I come across but Marilyn Monroe walking towards me. As there was only room for one person on the ledge I didn't know whether to toss myself off or block her passage. 
(British humour as told by Dave Allen at large)
(British humour as told by Dave Allen at large)------ This thread is Archived ------
In the beginning there was nuthin' and the Lord said "Let there be light" and there was still nuthin'.....but youse could see it 
(Dave Allen)
(Dave Allen)
------ This thread is Archived ------
I always sit at the rear of an airplane
who ever heard of airplane backing into a mountain.
who ever heard of airplane backing into a mountain.
------ This thread is Archived ------
lostinspace: I always sit at the rear of an airplane
who ever heard of airplane backing into a mountain.
who ever heard of airplane backing into a mountain.
I always ask for a seat next to the Black Box. That is the first thing they look for.
------ This thread is Archived ------
wash2u: I always ask for a seat next to the Black Box. That is the first thing they look for.
How refreshing to see people join in and not just read and leave.
More one liners please
------ This thread is Archived ------
bestbefore: How refreshing to see people join in and not just read and leave.
More one liners please
More one liners please
Dont want to go off
But Groucho Marx was great at add lib 1 liners .
Peter Sellers , excellent
This guy funny {Fredie Star , but could always go O.T.T.{Hmmmm} ?
------ This thread is Archived ------
This Thread is Archived
This Thread is archived, so you will no longer be able to post to it. Threads get archived automatically when they are older than 3 months.
« Go back to All Threads
« Go back to All Threads
More Threads
Karen McDougal - Playmate Model will testify in Hush Money Trial
Why is this shameful?
Democrats destroyed America
s*xual skills
Would you hire this guy - for any job?
Are the ads on here as phony as some of the profiles?
What happened to CS while i was away.. (Long time)
makeover
The GOP Representatives owned by Vladimir Putin
Unions support Democrats!
More Threads
Report threads that break rules, are offensive, or contain fighting. Staff may not be aware of the forum abuse, and cannot do anything about it unless you tell us about it. click to report forum abuse »
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
Stats for this Thread
1,365 Views
17 Comments
Created: Jan 2012
Last Viewed: Apr 26
Last Commented: Feb 2012
0 Likes
Related Forums
- Karen McDougal - Playmate Model will testify in Hush Money Trial
- Why is this shameful?
- Democrats destroyed America
- s*xual skills
- Would you hire this guy - for any job?
- Are the ads on here as phony as some of the profiles?
- What happened to CS while i was away.. (Long time)
- makeover
- The GOP Representatives owned by Vladimir Putin
- Unions support Democrats!
Vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
----oOo----
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ." "Really, ..." says
Mick "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
----oOo----
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume
she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
----oOo----
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
girlfriend yet.
----oOo----
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at
the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid...then I was petrified.
----oOo----
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the
worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
----oOo----
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.
----oOo----
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I
was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I
thought to myself, they've lost the plot .....
----oOo----
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to
our local pet shop and they were £70! "Blow this," I thought, "I can get
one cheaper off the web."
----oOo----
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
----oOo----
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I
could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
----oOo----
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea
move.
----oOo----
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver
was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to
myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown."
----oOo----
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking
Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our
country?