Jokes.... (10)
Male assertiveness
A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.
He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.
The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The funeral director," said his wife.
A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.
He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.
The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The funeral director," said his wife.
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crazyblondeone: Memory Class
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Let's not leave out the Irish 
Irish Toast
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to
spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me
wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the
best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize
for the best toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ya now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life,
sitting in church beside me wife"
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled
leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary"
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised
meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the
last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other
time... I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
Irish Toast
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to
spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me
wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the
best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize
for the best toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ya now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life,
sitting in church beside me wife"
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled
leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary"
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised
meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the
last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other
time... I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
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2intrigued: Let's not leave out the Irish
Irish Toast
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to
spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me
wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the
best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize
for the best toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ya now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life,
sitting in church beside me wife"
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled
leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary"
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised
meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the
last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other
time... I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
Irish Toast
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to
spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me
wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the
best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize
for the best toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ya now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life,
sitting in church beside me wife"
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled
leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary"
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised
meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the
last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other
time... I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
Oh Lordie!! That was good!!
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One for the seniors.....
I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.
I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few
seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
I tried this a few more times with no success.
All the while, my wife Karen is watching from the kitchen window,
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yelled to me,
'You need a piece of tail.'
I turned with a confused look on my face and yelled back,
'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite'
I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.
I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few
seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
I tried this a few more times with no success.
All the while, my wife Karen is watching from the kitchen window,
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yelled to me,
'You need a piece of tail.'
I turned with a confused look on my face and yelled back,
'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite'
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haaaaaaa
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haaaaaaa
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Created: May 2012
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An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.
A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.
"What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor.
"Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?"
"A rose?" asked the neighbor.
"Yes, that's it," replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?"