a strong woman ( Archived) (80)

A strong woman intimidates a lot of men.

Women see being strong as being independent, self-sufficient, someone who knows what she wants and who’s unwilling to settle for less... someone with clear boundaries firmly in place.

Most men recognise those qualities, but also experience it as being controlling, unwilling (or unable) to admit she’s wrong or that there are other equally valid ways of looking at life... someone who maybe plays minds games, and plays them well.

Being a guy, I have to admit there are things about strong women I really admire, but I’ve noticed a disturbing tendency for strong women to be pushy... which tends also to destroy the intimacy in relationships. By pushy, I mean hammering away at something based on the assumption it’s the right thing to do, until you force it to happen.

So I want to know how an intelligent woman would see an advantage in pushing her partner into *anything*... whether it’s folding the laundry properly, or taking that new promotion he’s not comfortable with. Does it confirm that she’s right, and therefore superior in some way? Is there some sort of satisfaction in being able to work a man like a puppet? Is this behaviour really about being weak... attempting to compensate for feelings of inadequacy?

And yes, I know men can be pushy. I’m not that type, so I’m specifically interested here in what drives pushy women.

Oh, and can I ask a favour? Please try not to get into fun banter between you and another member in this thread. When people see that, they figure the thread's now about you two, and they won't post... so everyone loses the benefit of what might have been more interesting outlooks and advice. Thanks!

Hi Seraphim.
I am an independent woman, had to stand up on my own and support my 2 kids since my divorce in 97'. I might be independant, I do know what I want, I refuse to settle for less in a man because all I'm looking for is unconditional love and honesty, BUT, I don't push and shove to make them do what I want them to do to get my way. It is WRONG for women (or men) to take advantage of their partner in that way. I believe that the "pushy" ones are just control freaks who does not know the true meaning of the word love and a 50/50 relationship. Just my thoughts.

"Is there some sort of satisfaction in being able to work a man like a puppet? Is this behaviour really about being weak... attempting to compensate for feelings of inadequacy?"

I don't think so. Some women have peen pulling there own weight for a long time. Maybe they just know what they want. Also, maybe past relationships have left some jaded.
If two people are in a healthy relationship with each other softening up should be easy. Some tough/pushy women need an extra masculine yet sensitive man to complement them. It's no fun being the manly woman. Good luck.

Seraphim, I agreed with you, the Threads are a good thing, but won't comment since some people may get offended.

I consider myself a strong woman, but never pushy or dominant.
When I got divorced I end up with nothing, at all, not even a bed to sleep on. Start from zero with two small kids alone in a foreing country is not easy. I have fallen but never stayed down I have made it. If I can be able to do that by my own why I will settle for whatever. I know exactly what I want and wont settle for less, it might take time, but what else do I have but that, it is a challege that I'm willing to take, because who I want worth the effort.

Good issue! My opinion ...being a strong woman is about being in control of yourself, Not others. You can't, (and should't try to,)control others...only you and your reactions to them. In todays society which is still a man's world (ducking bombs) My opinion , my opinion. I know we have progressed but we still have a long way to go! Woman stuggle to find that ground and men struggle to let them have it but still be a gentleman. It's all very touchy and difficult to figure out. That combined with the fact that every individual is different with different expectations only further blurrs the line. I try to be flexable depending on who I am with but I do have boundaries. You can define your boundaries firmly without being nasty about it. If you don't like someone pushing you. don't let it go unaddressed.It will only eat you from the inside out. Be clear about what you're willing to accept and if those boundaries are not being respected then it's time to move on.
Lilly

I agree with yellow rose... 50/50. if it's too much to one side, it won't be a good relationship. I really would love to find a " strong" woman. I think a independant woman is a great thing. I'm not one that's easily intimidated, so if she wouldn't be willing to have it as equals, bye..... If a man or woman wants control over the relationship, it's destined for failure.

you got it ohio!

Hey hon, how ya been?




"A strong woman intimidates a lot of men."

Curiou as to the intimidation part (will gt into that). This is a strong statement made, and I know you do not mean all...

"Women see being strong as being independent, self-sufficient, someone who knows what she wants and who’s unwilling to settle for less... someone with clear boundaries firmly in place."

Even strong women must settle for less...Nothing is how we want it all the time. A strong woman will know when to take that less, and make it work...

"Most men recognise those qualities, but also experience it as being controlling, unwilling (or unable) to admit she’s wrong or that there are other equally valid ways of looking at life... someone who maybe plays minds games, and plays them well."

A strong woman should always learn to admit they are wrong. It it weakness and fear that is those that will not. Lesser minded women also play mind games. Strong woomen should not. Noone should.

"Being a guy, I have to admit there are things about strong women I really admire, but I’ve noticed a disturbing tendency for strong women to be pushy... which tends also to destroy the intimacy in relationships. By pushy, I mean hammering away at something based on the assumption it’s the right thing to do, until you force it to happen."

Describe what you mean by pushy? Strong women can be strong and caring...If there is an impoertant issue? We do have the right to debate it, even argue it. Intimacy...Strong women or not, intimacy can be lost to everone who does not communicate and follow through...

"So I want to know how an intelligent woman would see an advantage in pushing her partner into *anything*... whether it’s folding the laundry properly, or taking that new promotion he’s not comfortable with. Does it confirm that she’s right, and therefore superior in some way? Is there some sort of satisfaction in being able to work a man like a puppet? Is this behaviour really about being weak... attempting to compensate for feelings of inadequacy?"

What I read is NOT a strong woman, but a control freak, really. It is a weakness, and deep seated insecurity.
Another thing regarding the man...Why would he allow this? And agree to take part? There are two people here. Take a look again...

And yes, I know men can be pushy. I’m not that type, so I’m specifically interested here in what drives pushy women.

Control, insecurity...

all women are strong no?