My disaster of a life just got worse. (28)
i doubt if theres anything i can say to make you feel better so:
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So sorry to hear this. Hang in there and there will one day be a brighter tommorrow.
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i don't know you but your story has touched me deeply, i really wish there was something i could do or say to help ease the pain, the burden..... my thoughts and prayers will be with you
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My prayers are with you.
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This is a very emotional time for you...all your childhood around you...Mum on the verge of death...I can imagine you feel as helpless as a child...
There is no magic remedy, sadly...your Mum is preparing to die...
Maybe not imminently, but the cancer is marching along.
I apologise if I sound harsh, it is not my intent...
It is only because I was you five years ago...exactly the same, except I had four children with me who had lost their Dad, their grandad, and were losing their grandmother as well.
I hear the isolation, the desloation, and I feel so much for you.
Your life will be crazy for a time after she passes...you will be crazy for a time...many emotions, collapsing over the top of each other.
I can only offer my support, and if you wish to you can mail me, and I can give you my msn, or yahoo details...
Although you feel so desperately alone, you aren't, not in spirit, we are here for you, and although physically, there is no other prescence with you...you will survive this.
Your Mum raised a great son, and you will overcome this, I trust that you will...
It's going to be rough, and all over the place, but you will come through it a stronger man....
Anytime you need to talk...please I am here...and many others...
There is no magic remedy, sadly...your Mum is preparing to die...
Maybe not imminently, but the cancer is marching along.
I apologise if I sound harsh, it is not my intent...
It is only because I was you five years ago...exactly the same, except I had four children with me who had lost their Dad, their grandad, and were losing their grandmother as well.
I hear the isolation, the desloation, and I feel so much for you.
Your life will be crazy for a time after she passes...you will be crazy for a time...many emotions, collapsing over the top of each other.
I can only offer my support, and if you wish to you can mail me, and I can give you my msn, or yahoo details...
Although you feel so desperately alone, you aren't, not in spirit, we are here for you, and although physically, there is no other prescence with you...you will survive this.
Your Mum raised a great son, and you will overcome this, I trust that you will...
It's going to be rough, and all over the place, but you will come through it a stronger man....
Anytime you need to talk...please I am here...and many others...
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So sorry you're having to deal with all of this. I understand the strain it places you under. I will pray for you and your family. Hang in there.
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One can not express in word's the depth of sadness for the illness and pain of other's,prayer's to you,your mom and family...
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We'll I just got off the phone with my moms doctor and she is coming home tomorrow. He also said he too thinks this is the end and it is time for hospice. He wants to see how the weekend goes before before the final decision is made.
OMFG this is crazy. This cannot be happening. i dont know what to do.
OMFG this is crazy. This cannot be happening. i dont know what to do.
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there are no words to help i know because i watched my mom die of cancer in 2000 and i talk to her every day goodl luck
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I wish you and yours well on this journey...
The last time I brought my father home from the hospital, we both knew it was close. Hospice is a wonderful organization, filled with very supportive people. Utilize it to the fullest. That's what they are there for. We may feel that we don't have the strength to do these things....but we do....as you do...Although it was one of the saddest memories of my life, it was also one of the sweetest...Take care...be gentle with yourself
The last time I brought my father home from the hospital, we both knew it was close. Hospice is a wonderful organization, filled with very supportive people. Utilize it to the fullest. That's what they are there for. We may feel that we don't have the strength to do these things....but we do....as you do...Although it was one of the saddest memories of my life, it was also one of the sweetest...Take care...be gentle with yourself
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Our blessings are with you. Just know this...
and believe this.
and believe this.
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Prayers for you and your mom headin your way.
There's always hope, cause there's always eternity.
There's always hope, cause there's always eternity.
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I am so sorry for what you are going through right now and what you wrote really touched me and made me think. I am a mother of three and I tell my children often that there is nothing they could possibly do to make me stop loving them. this is true for your mother too and please stop beating yourself up because you lost your cool a couple of times. your Mom loves you and will never ever stop no matter what. I also know that some day I will no longer be here with my kids and all I can hope for is that they do their best, and I don't care what they do for a living or what possessions they have. what I want of them is that they treat people how they would wish to be treated and are really kind and thoughtful and if they can help someone along the way then reach out that hand.
I wish I could say something that would make you feel better but I know there is nothing I can say except, for what it is worth, someone a long way away is thinking about you and your mom and I will say a prayer that at least you find peace of mind. xx
I wish I could say something that would make you feel better but I know there is nothing I can say except, for what it is worth, someone a long way away is thinking about you and your mom and I will say a prayer that at least you find peace of mind. xx
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Its hard to read someones pain and know i cant do anything to take it away. So the only thing i can say is i am sending you lots and lots of irish love and luck. So take care and remember there is a lot of good people here to help you on this journey....xx
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OH my goodness! The tone of isolation and desolation is palpable in your words. I don't just read them, I feel them.
Please know that you are not alone. And you are wrapped in light and vitual hugs from many of us here. Everything will be alight. YOU will be alright.
To say your life is changing is an understatement. It does not have to be a bad thing. You mother will pass on, yes this is true and you can't stop it from happening. You have done for her while putting your own life on hold in some ways. It is an amazing gift you have given her.
These times of transition shake us to our core. The ground breaks away and we tumble unsure of what is solid to land on. Rest assured that we do always land. It is our attachment to things which causes us such pain and confusion. Surrender to what is and allow the emotion to wash through you. Sit in the center of the storm...it is in the eye that the winds are calmest.
You have a light and a resilience beyond what you know is there. Allow the light of others to buoy you as you prepare for the changes happening in your life. I will wrap you in light and I know many others here will as well.
I posted the following writing in a blog but feel drawn to share it with you directly. It speaks of change, of surrender, of accepting what is. Perhaps a line or two will resonate with you.
Please email me anytime.
(hugs you and whispers) Everything is going to be okay.
**************
It is winter here. A time of rest. A time of waiting. Seeds lay dormant in the earth awaiting the first rays of the spring sun. Grass sleeps beneath its blanket of snow. It doesn’t question the need for winter any more than it questions the coming of spring. It just accepts what is.
A bamboo tree lives on the corner of my dresser. Each leaf perfectly formed and each day it grows into a grander version of itself in spite of me. It does not question its new surroundings. It embraces what is.
Outside my window I can see the mountain ash towering over the neighbour’s fence. The red berries act as beacons for the birds they are meant to feed. Even in winter, there is life just as there is sacrifice.
And as much as we’d like to believe that the world stops with us when we pause, it does not. We are invited to go with it. We are asked to accept. We wish to embrace. And we strive to be grateful even in the coldest of times.
Please know that you are not alone. And you are wrapped in light and vitual hugs from many of us here. Everything will be alight. YOU will be alright.
To say your life is changing is an understatement. It does not have to be a bad thing. You mother will pass on, yes this is true and you can't stop it from happening. You have done for her while putting your own life on hold in some ways. It is an amazing gift you have given her.
These times of transition shake us to our core. The ground breaks away and we tumble unsure of what is solid to land on. Rest assured that we do always land. It is our attachment to things which causes us such pain and confusion. Surrender to what is and allow the emotion to wash through you. Sit in the center of the storm...it is in the eye that the winds are calmest.
You have a light and a resilience beyond what you know is there. Allow the light of others to buoy you as you prepare for the changes happening in your life. I will wrap you in light and I know many others here will as well.
I posted the following writing in a blog but feel drawn to share it with you directly. It speaks of change, of surrender, of accepting what is. Perhaps a line or two will resonate with you.
Please email me anytime.
(hugs you and whispers) Everything is going to be okay.
**************
It is winter here. A time of rest. A time of waiting. Seeds lay dormant in the earth awaiting the first rays of the spring sun. Grass sleeps beneath its blanket of snow. It doesn’t question the need for winter any more than it questions the coming of spring. It just accepts what is.
A bamboo tree lives on the corner of my dresser. Each leaf perfectly formed and each day it grows into a grander version of itself in spite of me. It does not question its new surroundings. It embraces what is.
Outside my window I can see the mountain ash towering over the neighbour’s fence. The red berries act as beacons for the birds they are meant to feed. Even in winter, there is life just as there is sacrifice.
And as much as we’d like to believe that the world stops with us when we pause, it does not. We are invited to go with it. We are asked to accept. We wish to embrace. And we strive to be grateful even in the coldest of times.
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I am sorry to hear that, my friend. You seem to me to be stronger than you give yourself credit for and, often in situations such as this, you manage to find that little bit of extra resolve from somewhere........
I don't know why someone called you a pathetic loser but my guess its someone who isn't and hasn't been through what you are going through.
You are in the right place, my friend, there are many here if you need to bend an ear. Thinking of you........
I don't know why someone called you a pathetic loser but my guess its someone who isn't and hasn't been through what you are going through.
You are in the right place, my friend, there are many here if you need to bend an ear. Thinking of you........
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impudence never ends.Im very sorry again man, but keep your faith up and i will keep praying. Through every dark and cloudy sky, there will be sunlight. You just have to keep you head up to see it.
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Created: Mar 2007
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My mom has fought this nasty disease for a few years now. Everything was good in the beginning. a little bit of chemo, a mastectomy and she was good to go. then last year, it came back in her bones. Everything got bad again and there was worse to come.
I have watched my mom have her ups and downs for a year now. Many more downs than up's though. Now I guess we just make her as comfortable as possible for the inevitable.
I have tried my hardest to save her life and even gave up my own to do so. Some have called me a "Pathetic Loser" for it but whatever. it has been eating at me for days but i try not to think about it.
I just wish there was more i could do and I wish I could take back some of the things that even i have done such as hang up on her hysterical phone calls of her calling me names. I know it was the vicodin and morphine but it hurt so bad, I could no longer listen and shut it out.
I never thought in a million years something like this would happen. I went from being very independant to not having a dime to my name, no car that drives, etc. i sit here in my parents house that I grew up in as a kid. So many memories here growing up. Now this place is a museum filled with my moms things. I look at her pictures and it's like she is already dead. I already know the feeling I am going to have when i look at them when she dies.
This has been a lonely road and I have not been close to anybody in months. I wish i could just roll over at night in somebodys arms telling me everything is going to be ok. Everything feels so empty, I guess when you have to take a a detour for a while and have no money because of it, nobody wants you. I have not slept in days. I try and close my eyes but I start to think too much and have to do whatever i can to get my mind off of it.
I have an old High School girlfriend I ran into again and she is going to try and help. she works in healthcare management for a hospice and said she has many resourses. Too bad shes married because we had some good times together back in the day. Oh well. at least I found an old friend who is willing to try and help.
God this is crazy. I wish I could just wake up and find this was all just a bad dream. This road has been hard but now that I know there is no hope left, I think this is just the beginning of something much worse.