A Parrot story (This one I just gotta share) (118)
last one for now
If you are watching a parade
don't fallow it
it never changes
If the parade is boreing
run in the other direction
you will fast forward the parade
If you are watching a parade
don't fallow it
it never changes
If the parade is boreing
run in the other direction
you will fast forward the parade
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sup?
on lunch break
I will add more when I get home
the funny ones are still to come
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last one
I met the girl at the front desk at the hotel
it was
"0"
I met the girl at the front desk at the hotel
it was
"0"
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crap I remember another one
I love sandwiches but I hate sandwiches at a New York deki
To much meat on them
It's like a cow with a cracker on each side of it
Would you like anything else with that sir
yeah
a loaf of bread
and some other people
I love sandwiches but I hate sandwiches at a New York deki
To much meat on them
It's like a cow with a cracker on each side of it
Would you like anything else with that sir
yeah
a loaf of bread
and some other people
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I think "Pringles " origianl intention was to be a tennis ball company
but the day the rubber was supposed to show up
potatoes showed up instead
but Pringles is a laid back company so they were like
F@#$ it
cut 'em up
but the day the rubber was supposed to show up
potatoes showed up instead
but Pringles is a laid back company so they were like
F@#$ it
cut 'em up
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OMG
Ok man I have to get back to work before people start looking at me funny
LOL
I will be back a little later on
Have a good one man
add a few more
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Did you know that the sandwich was invented by an English Lord?
The Earl of Sandwich.
He was the first man to put his meat between two pieces of bread.
The Earl of Sandwich.
He was the first man to put his meat between two pieces of bread.
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He put his meat where?
OK really got to go now
thsi thread is addictive
OK really got to go now
thsi thread is addictive
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Oh my boys
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watch out for ducks
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Little Johnny is playing with Little Janet.
He pulls down his trousers and says,
"I bet you haven't got one of these?"
Little Janet lifts her dress up, pulls her knickers down and says,
No! But with one of these, I can have as many of those that I want!"
He pulls down his trousers and says,
"I bet you haven't got one of these?"
Little Janet lifts her dress up, pulls her knickers down and says,
No! But with one of these, I can have as many of those that I want!"
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More Carlin
This man is a genius
Everyone hates when their dog craps in the yard
Why?
You have to clean it up
So he has an idea
Why don't we put some rubber bands in with the dogs regular food
That way when the dog takes a shiv there is usually a little loop on the end
then you can pick it up and throw it in the neighbors yard
This man is a genius
Everyone hates when their dog craps in the yard
Why?
You have to clean it up
So he has an idea
Why don't we put some rubber bands in with the dogs regular food
That way when the dog takes a shiv there is usually a little loop on the end
then you can pick it up and throw it in the neighbors yard
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Dennis Leary
I was sitting in the bar smoking like a 1,000,000 cigarettes
the lady next to me looks at me and says
"hey 2nd hand smoke is twice as bad for me as it is for you...What do you have to say about that?"
He responds
B@#$%
I think you owe me half a pack
I was sitting in the bar smoking like a 1,000,000 cigarettes
the lady next to me looks at me and says
"hey 2nd hand smoke is twice as bad for me as it is for you...What do you have to say about that?"
He responds
B@#$%
I think you owe me half a pack
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How do we decide what animals that we eat
What
Did we line them all up and have a cute contest?
What are you?
I'm an otter
What do you do
I swim around and do cute little human like things with my hands
awwwwwwwwwwww
You're free to go
What are you?
I am a cow
get on the F N truck
you can't do this to me I am an animal I have rights
Rights? Ok here's your cousin now get on the F N truck
What
Did we line them all up and have a cute contest?
What are you?
I'm an otter
What do you do
I swim around and do cute little human like things with my hands
awwwwwwwwwwww
You're free to go
What are you?
I am a cow
get on the F N truck
you can't do this to me I am an animal I have rights
Rights? Ok here's your cousin now get on the F N truck
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Back to Mitch
He says
We use to do a lot of LSD
we would go to the woods because you are less likely to run into a law enforcment agent
But we ran into a bear
What a buzz kill
My friend Duwayne raised his hand and starting swearing to prevent forrest fires
He looked at me and say
Hey Mitch
Smokey the bear is much more intimedating in person
He says
We use to do a lot of LSD
we would go to the woods because you are less likely to run into a law enforcment agent
But we ran into a bear
What a buzz kill
My friend Duwayne raised his hand and starting swearing to prevent forrest fires
He looked at me and say
Hey Mitch
Smokey the bear is much more intimedating in person
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I'm a mumbler
So a lot of the times my friends can't understand me
I will say something
and my friend will be like "what?
So I will say it again
but he won't hear me again
so now I am saying it really loud
But it's really some insignificant s#$% that I am saying so now I find myself screaming
"THAT TREE IS REALLY FAR AWAY"
So a lot of the times my friends can't understand me
I will say something
and my friend will be like "what?
So I will say it again
but he won't hear me again
so now I am saying it really loud
But it's really some insignificant s#$% that I am saying so now I find myself screaming
"THAT TREE IS REALLY FAR AWAY"
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I haven't slept for ten days....
Because that would be to long
Because that would be to long
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When you are writing comedy you have to start strong and end strong
You can't be like pancakes
all exciting at first
and at the end your F N sick of 'em
You can't be like pancakes
all exciting at first
and at the end your F N sick of 'em
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I
Oh God. Tis is driving me quackers.
Hi Chris