NORTH VS. SOUTH ( Archived) (23)

This was too funny not to share!!

NORTH VS. SOUTH

The North has Bloomingdale; the South has Dollar General.

The North has coffee houses; the South has waffle houses.

The North has dating services; the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives; the South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names; the South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races; the South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat; the South has grits.

The North has green salads' the South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters; the South has crawfish.

The North has the Rust Belt; the South has the Bible Belt.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH:
If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them; just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?".

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol truck" or "big'ol boy." Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns. They are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER:

If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

thats not nice at all.....I still say y'all, alot......and I aint been down there in 20 years.

Yee Haw! We got Polk Salat, too. I thought about fixing me a big mess of it with some scrambled eggs. You got any new ways to fix Polk Salat, Apes?

Hahaha! Hey, you have to admit it was funny! Just like the Blue Commedy Tour guys! It's all so funny because it's TRUE, for the most part! Hahaha! Hey Roy! What's up my friend?

Love
Apes

Just laid back and taking it easy here, Apes. It is such a beautiful sun shiny day here in the Ozarks. How's the weather in your neck of the woods?

Love
Roy

I am laughing so hard I'm cryin'!!!!!

The weather here is great! Were waiting on some much needed storms to come through! I can't wait! I love it when it rains! Everything is prettier and smells better and I just love it! Hahaha!

If we get some extra I will see about sending some your way. I am full of hot air so it shouldn't be much of a problem to blow some your way. Good to see ya back up and running again. If ya need any rocks I got plenty of them I can throw at ya.