Beat the statistics: Make a second marriage work ( Archived) (7)

Hello everyone, I happily see that people are getting together. I wish the best to each and every couple and that is the reason of this thread. Here on CS there are so many wise and intelligent people and I am sure they have some advise, regarding this very serious and important part of our lives.
The following articles, I found doing some research, all in a good intention, which are also good, even for myself.

What would you do if a doctor delivered the cold, hard truth that you had less than a 25 percent chance of surviving for five years? Most likely, you'd swear that you were going to beat the odds. You'd research everything you could find as to the cause for your affliction, and look desperately for a cure. You'd seek out others who'd survived in spite of the dire predictions, and look for support in how they'd overcome the same challenges you now faced.

The diagnosis for second marriages is just this grim. But
the best defense against succumbing to its ugly demise is to adequately prepare for the real world of remarriage and blended families.

Thinking of remarrying? Think hard and long, I tell people, because if first marriages are fraught with danger (half of first marriages fail within eight years), the odds are even worse for second marriages, with 60 percent ending in divorce in five years.
Why this higher failure rate the second time around?
Experts believe that the biggest reason for failed second marriages is that the couple stops focusing on each other, and they stop doing things together once they tie the knot.
They stop going to the movies and out to dinner and having those long talks that made their relationship good once upon a time. In addition, many people bring children from their first marriage into their second marriage, and even if the children are easy and agreeable, the added stress and strain can be formidable. And if a child is difficult, has trouble adjusting to his parent's new marriage, or is in the throes of adolescence, the marriage is at even higher risk. Ex-mates, ex-in-laws and child support payments also put extra stress on a second marriage.

If you're planning to tie the knot again, or if you're finding it more difficult than you expected the second time around, here are some tips that really do work.

# Do five nice things for your mate each day. This might include bringing her a cup of tea, telling her she looks great, offering to pick up her dry cleaning, giving her a big hug, telling her you love her.

# Set aside 20 minutes of talk time each day, with the focus being on the two of you.

# Do one social activity per week with your mate -- no children invited. Don't answer the telephone between 5 and 7 o'clock in the evening and designate several nights as no-television nights. This minimizes distractions and sets up a quieter atmosphere for togetherness.

# Don't take on any major household projects for at least two years after you say "I do." It's too stressful, and you need to be focusing on each other. Take primary responsibility for your children. This means when you have your children on the weekends or for six weeks in the summer, don't expect your mate to entertain them or act as the baby-sitter or figure out child-care plans. You make the arrangements.

# Don't tell your spouse how to raise his children. Only if asked should you make a suggestion, and then don't take it badly if he doesn't listen. Make your mate a priority some of the time. If she wants you to watch a movie and your son wants you to play ball, watch the movie -- not always, but sometimes.

# Thank your mate for what she does for your children. Don't take her willingness to help raise your children for granted.

# Expect the children to respect your privacy. Set boundaries. If your new husband resents the children coming into your bedroom, make it a rule that they stay out.

# Check with your mate before making or changing child-care arrangements.

# Turn off your telephone if your ex-mate calls at unreasonable times making demands of you. And don't stay on the telephone arguing with him or her. Your marriage doesn't need this baggage.

# Don't feel you should attend all your stepchildren's events, but do attend some of them.

# Be cognizant that your second partner is different from your first. Don't try to make your new spouse into someone else. Appreciate your mate for who he or she is and make sure you spend time working and playing together.

Remarriage Tips

Quick Tip
From Sheri & Bob Stritof,

# Take your time. Look before you leap the second time.

# Make sure you two have private time alone together.

# Learn how to compromise. You can't always have it your way.

# Don't try to be a super-stepparent. You won't succeed.

# Share your expectations with one another on a daily basis.

# Fight fair.

# Keep your sense of humor.

# Be honest.

# Set ground rules about dealing with the children.

# Don't put down ex-spouses in front of the kids.

# Discuss money matters up front before you marry. Make provisions for how your prior assets will be passed down to your children in the event of death.

# Treat one another with kindness and respect.

# Learn from your pasts.Resolve any unfinished business from your previous relationships.

My personal favorites TALK, TALK, TALK, COMMUNICATE, RESPECT & COMPROMISE.

Yami you rock!




this should be next to the forum rules sweet!

stuck to the fridge with the kids drawings!

taped to the wall by the toilet even!!!!




thanks!

I'm writing this all down but I have not yet found someone to get down the aisle the first time with!!!!...I'll probably be 90 before I can use this stuff

Too late, my second marriage is gone with the wind LOL