Wisdom of Larry the Cable guy ! ( Archived) (12)

The wisdom of Larry the cable guy.......

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the heck happened?"

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your rear tomorrow!

Where do you get them all? You're a mine of useless information!

Where else but from the internet and friends who most likely got them from internet!

Great stuff. Larry is hilarious.

That reminds me of a Yogi Bera quote: 90 % of the game is half mental.

Some people will do anything not to pay tax - or NOT do in your case! (good on you, I'd like to even get the once per season 'free' session! lol )

Yes I do , its just its like an impossible dream , my kids live here and just now giving me grandbabies. I am just not wanting to leave my country so I can be near them.
I don't see you that way a snobby brit, I think you are really cool.

As for these words of wisdom , I don't agree, we get taxed for everything , thats about the only thing they havent taxed. Don't take away my last bit fun with taxes , no way.

Free sessions? Is that like a mail in rebate that you file with your tax return and they send you a woman?

Hey, mylife - I was joking!

I just got divorced from my American wife in January this year. She is a wonderful person, but her mom has been on her deathbed over 30 times in the past few years. She also loves her 'granbabies' very much.

I promised to ensure that she could go home once each year - with or without me....... I didn't, however, mean go home for nine months of each year and occasionally visit her husband!

My parents are both elderly. My dad's 88 and looked after my mother for almost two years for 21 hours per day after she became paralysed after a massive stroke back in 2004. My dad collapsed himself on New Year's Day 2006, and I'm doing my best to look after them in their lovely villa.

I don't want them to go into a nursing home while they both have quality of life here. It's my choice, but a relationship now would only complicate matters.......... so, for the time being at least, I am content to do my best for my parents, and just have a few friends i can chat to. So far I don't feel in any way resentful, if I did feel resentful I'd find a solution!

I do understand you point - it's a valid one!

cheers!

Robert

That is sweet of you too be their for your parents, You're a good man ! Thats a shame about your wife and a divorce , and all. Well goodluck Robert.