its so hard to cut someone out of your life ( Archived) (23)

damn its killing me.....my ex and I were very close but recently I have decided that it just isn't right for me to remain friends with him as I only end up hurt... i've decided this before but he always wears me down........ this is the longest I've gone without answering his phone calls or his im and i'm dying especially since he leaves sweet messages on my phone and has tripled his attempts to get ahold of me....why does love had to hurt so badly?

I guess my question here would be, why thw break up in the first place ( I don't really want to know). And were things worked out or working on things is the reason you were getting close again? If you always end up getting hurt, why keep going back? I know you say he wears you down, but does he really? Sounds to me like you still care a great deal. I may be way off the mark here, but comes across like you haven't gotten any closure, or maybe looking for someething, anything in him to change so you can justify getting back in the relationship. Like I said, I may be way off base, and I am sorry if that's the case...just not really much here to go on.

Steve

Well it will just take time.I would answer the phone and tell him you would prefer not to have contact for awhile.Then follow thru.Eventually it will hurt less and less .

I'm currently going thru the same thing. Its really hard, esp the first night, then the first week, then the first month; but only you know whats best for you. You can always change your mind, just make sure to set up boundries for him.

Yes, it is a very sad thing. I have gone through a similar situation. I had been engaged with my best friend of 12 years and got cold feet and called the wedding off just a few months before it was to take place. It was a decision that was quite difficult, as I knew that I was losing my best friend forever. Afterwards, we tried to make it work again, as we both knew how much we cared for one another. However, in the end, it was not meant to be. The most difficult part was not giving in and calling her everytime I thought about her. I would try to keep myself busy, which eventually worked. I never have forgotten about her, nor have I ever stopped loving her, but I have moved on successfully. I get by thinking that I was unlucky in marriage, but lucky to have found someone who loved me as I loved her.

thank u all for the advice...I do appreciate it sorry nights are prob the worst I can forget alot durring the day like most people its easiest to keep busy durring light hours

I feel your pain and it is hard. With starting a divorce after 21 years of marriage, I was hoping that we could at least be friends. Even though he did alot of painful things there is a long history. But I have found out that for me I have to cut the strings. Everytime we talk he brings up trying to get back together. I have done this for 21 years and see no changes. Even though I care for him, I care about myself even more. It does hurt but it also lessens very slowly as time passes. I have heard that some can be friends. I just can't be at this time.

Sounds more like he's obsessed with you than just being friends.

So far my Ex and I seem to have a somewhat friendly relationship.

There still are touchy subjects but, for the most part we probably get along better now than when we were married.

Nothing has the power to hurt you more than something you love.

I don't see any reason you can't remain friends unless his obsession is so verwhelming that it would effect a new relationship.

My best guess at a cure would be to tell him you have found someone else (even if you haven't).

Tell him you need a few weeks to sort things out and to please not call you. Tell him that you will call him when you feel more comfortable. See how he reacts and if he respects your wishes.

If he's cool with it for a few weeks get back in contact with him.

If he isn't then he's obsessed and you have serious issue.

It is not easy to walk away from the ones we love. Especially when we have loved them for so long-they say time heals all wounds, but yet we have to wonder if this is always true! But trust me, it does...been there, done that. If you really want to be away from him, you have to do what you are doing. Keep your distance, stay strong, and do not allow his words to weaken you. As much as you want to p/u the phone or just talk one more time, stand firm in your final decision. It will take a little time, but don't give up! He knows your weak spots and will pull every trick known to get you on his side again. Good luck...best wishes.