Between Living And Dying ( Archived) (7)

There is no light where i am at, no life, no joy, there is nothing but a long pitch black hallway. The only thing that you can see is my neon red blood flowing from my arms and a few tear drops from my eyes. Each step i take feels like I have a hundred pounds in my shoe. I have been here before but never like this. This is the last place i ever wanted to be. Legs are starting to weakin. Heart starting to pound louder and louder. blood flowing even more. More tears are falling, Feel as if im in danger, Hopeless i am alone, im afried the end is near.I am not alive nor am i dead, i am doomed to a endless life of pain and worry, there is only one way out and it may be the best way for me.This is a story of a broken soul.As days go by my heart grows cold. The neon blood flow starts to slow down the heart is no longer pounding as hard my time is near.I sit in the middle of the hallway, reach into my pocket and take out my last cigarette and as i light it up the dark hallway is lit up for the first time ever as i look around before i light up my cigarette i see the visions of my past, death, pain, suffering everything that has been by my side snice day one. The same pain that has been the cause of my down fall but also the same pain that has made me the man i am today. Lit up my cigarette. Blow the smoke out crying faces are in the smoke. Im really getting sick of myself.The neon blood is starting to dry, starting to dim and dull into a nothingness.This is where im at, a cross road of living and dying. between life and death, almost dead but still alive. The darkness of the hallways starts to cover my body starting with my legs moving its way up.There is no use fighting what is already set in stone a death a painful and lonely death that cant be cured. There will be no coffin nobody will know im gone it will be like i was never here. the darkness reaches my heart almost over. I take the last puff og my cigarette and put it out. as i let of the smoke out the darkness comes pouring out of my mouth, there is no use crying cuz no one will hear the tear drop. Fully covered i fade into the hallway like i was never there its all over. Im dreaming about tomorrow im thinking of yesterday i consume myself in sarrow this moment is what i betray i was searching for the answer and when i look around sometimes i get sad cuz my life was spining out of control. When you cut me into i never thought i would bleed. Im no longer in between living and dying, for the simple fact that i was dead inside a long time ago...i have met death and death is me.

DKC, I hear you loud and clear. I've taken a lot of different drugs, trying to find something that works. Your description is top-notch. I really relate with how you feel. I can't offer any answers. I feel the same way you do. I'm still breathing, but I'm already dead. I'm not trying to encourage you to commit suicide, but I've had a few friends do so. I know what it feels like to contemplate suicide.

I just wanted you to know I understant how you feel. If you want to talk to me at any time, feel free to.

Turncoat