UPS Airlines ( Archived) (11)

UPS Airlines

Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.


By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produce s a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.


I am ROTFLMAO at this. Can you just imagine the pilots facial expressions after reading the mechanics responses.



<---- wipes tears from eyes....Oh Lord this is to good.

Great one...but yesterday somebody already posted this!

I had just received this in an email this morning.

Sorry I missed it yesterday and posted it again today. I had to go to work.

My apologies to Mylife.

Don't worry about it, its not the first time that this happened, and most probably won't be the last time either!!

No apoligies needed, most of the jokes we post on here have been around for a long time. I put that one up last year and just did it again yesterday. You didn't step on any toes so keep on posting jokes.

WHAT SHE SAID!

Never apologize for having FUN!

EVER!

Unless it's to the MODS!



DEAR MODS..I LOVE YOU!~

Suck up!! Oh yeah I guess you better so 4 neg.s = at least one positive

HI MODS!

you guys are great