Something I have been pondering (28)
spicey1: I was hoping to get some ideas from some people, and I wasn't sure how to approach it so I will just get straight to the point.
I have been dating someone for a few months now, and we get along well. He has started talking about marriage, and I don't know if I want to do that just yet. I am not saying no but I am not saying yes either.
Here is the problem, please don't judge...............................................
About a year ago, I met the most amazing guy, he was sweet and a true gentleman. He made me laugh and I had more fun then I had had in years. We only spent a few days together, and I have since moved.
I cannot stop thinking about him. It's not like he is my every thought, but there are always little things that remind me of him and our short time we spent together. Just silly little things. Anyway I am not sure if I am just second guessing my relationship now, or just going through one of those, what if stages in my life (I have been through my share of those)
Anyway, should I tell these guys? I feel like either way I am just going to make the wrong decision.
Now this guy I have been seeing, he wants things to get serious, but I dont, at least not yet, not until I figure this out. Maybe neither of them will end up being one that I am serious with.
Have you ever contacted this other guy, the one from the past. Seems to me something in your heart holds you to him. better to clear that ave, and know how you both feel about eah other before moving into marraige with someone else. And JMO, but if you have any doubt at all marriage is not the thin to do, You marry when there is no doubt at all.
Ok I am rambling, sorry, any advice will be taken
thanks
I have been dating someone for a few months now, and we get along well. He has started talking about marriage, and I don't know if I want to do that just yet. I am not saying no but I am not saying yes either.
Here is the problem, please don't judge...............................................
About a year ago, I met the most amazing guy, he was sweet and a true gentleman. He made me laugh and I had more fun then I had had in years. We only spent a few days together, and I have since moved.
I cannot stop thinking about him. It's not like he is my every thought, but there are always little things that remind me of him and our short time we spent together. Just silly little things. Anyway I am not sure if I am just second guessing my relationship now, or just going through one of those, what if stages in my life (I have been through my share of those)
Anyway, should I tell these guys? I feel like either way I am just going to make the wrong decision.
Now this guy I have been seeing, he wants things to get serious, but I dont, at least not yet, not until I figure this out. Maybe neither of them will end up being one that I am serious with.
Have you ever contacted this other guy, the one from the past. Seems to me something in your heart holds you to him. better to clear that ave, and know how you both feel about eah other before moving into marraige with someone else. And JMO, but if you have any doubt at all marriage is not the thin to do, You marry when there is no doubt at all.
Ok I am rambling, sorry, any advice will be taken
thanks
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Hmmmmm This is really something you need to figure out. No one knows how you feel about these men but you. It sounds like both these men have qualities that drew you to them but they both do not posses all the qualities you really want. Or do they?
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Well I dont know, I agree that I shouldnt get married if there is any doubt, but there is definitely something about both of them. I almost wish I could combine the two.
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spicey1: Well I dont know, I agree that I shouldnt get married if there is any doubt, but there is definitely something about both of them. I almost wish I could combine the two.
Life is to short to settle, so if you think that combining them both would result in what you want then, you answered your own question. I think your biggest fear might be being alone.
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Your situation is pretty deep and i do not think anyone else but you can give the answers because it all depends in how you feel about yourself and about either one of them.
what is obvious is that your current b/f wants to move the relation forward too fast for you. If this is the way you feel about this (regardless of why it is that you feel like that), then by all means just talk to him and ask him to take things a bit slower, give the relationship time to grow to its proper size in its proper time. If he is a good enough a man, he will understand. If he doesnt understand this, which is basically what you feel, then it means that he doesnt have the kind of respect to your feelings that the guy you want to marry should have.
But other than that:
-- without knowing how long you have been with this current guy (if "a few months is the answer, in my oppinion, it is too soon to be considering marriage UNLESS it is something that if felt deeply and strongly on both sides - clearly not the case),
--not knowing what went on with the other guy and why it was just for a few days, no one can give you good advise. But i can say this from my own experiance: A few days is not enough to judge; a few days can be all honey and courtesy - it usually is - when this might easily fade out in a longer period...
These are things that only you know and only you should know. therefore, the answers will have to come from you. the only sure thing is that if you are not feeling ready for marriage, you should not be rushed into it but neither should you put yourself in a position to be emotionally presured about it by not straightening it out in a constructive, loving way...
what is obvious is that your current b/f wants to move the relation forward too fast for you. If this is the way you feel about this (regardless of why it is that you feel like that), then by all means just talk to him and ask him to take things a bit slower, give the relationship time to grow to its proper size in its proper time. If he is a good enough a man, he will understand. If he doesnt understand this, which is basically what you feel, then it means that he doesnt have the kind of respect to your feelings that the guy you want to marry should have.
But other than that:
-- without knowing how long you have been with this current guy (if "a few months is the answer, in my oppinion, it is too soon to be considering marriage UNLESS it is something that if felt deeply and strongly on both sides - clearly not the case),
--not knowing what went on with the other guy and why it was just for a few days, no one can give you good advise. But i can say this from my own experiance: A few days is not enough to judge; a few days can be all honey and courtesy - it usually is - when this might easily fade out in a longer period...
These are things that only you know and only you should know. therefore, the answers will have to come from you. the only sure thing is that if you are not feeling ready for marriage, you should not be rushed into it but neither should you put yourself in a position to be emotionally presured about it by not straightening it out in a constructive, loving way...
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spicey1: Well I dont know, I agree that I shouldnt get married if there is any doubt, but there is definitely something about both of them. I almost wish I could combine the two.
This is something you will have to figure out for yourself, maybe neither are right for you, your true match should have you feeling that he completes you, not I wish I could take this one from that one and make one. Sounds to me neither are doing that for you. Maybe there is another a 3rd that will come along and you will feel that you are complete with them, and not feel they arnt complete in them selves.
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spicey1: I was hoping to get some ideas from some people, and I wasn't sure how to approach it so I will just get straight to the point.
I have been dating someone for a few months now, and we get along well. He has started talking about marriage, and I don't know if I want to do that just yet. I am not saying no but I am not saying yes either.
Here is the problem, please don't judge...............................................
About a year ago, I met the most amazing guy, he was sweet and a true gentleman. He made me laugh and I had more fun then I had had in years. We only spent a few days together, and I have since moved.
I cannot stop thinking about him. It's not like he is my every thought, but there are always little things that remind me of him and our short time we spent together. Just silly little things. Anyway I am not sure if I am just second guessing my relationship now, or just going through one of those, what if stages in my life (I have been through my share of those)
Anyway, should I tell these guys? I feel like either way I am just going to make the wrong decision.
Now this guy I have been seeing, he wants things to get serious, but I dont, at least not yet, not until I figure this out. Maybe neither of them will end up being one that I am serious with.
Ok I am rambling, sorry, any advice will be taken
thanks
I have been dating someone for a few months now, and we get along well. He has started talking about marriage, and I don't know if I want to do that just yet. I am not saying no but I am not saying yes either.
Here is the problem, please don't judge...............................................
About a year ago, I met the most amazing guy, he was sweet and a true gentleman. He made me laugh and I had more fun then I had had in years. We only spent a few days together, and I have since moved.
I cannot stop thinking about him. It's not like he is my every thought, but there are always little things that remind me of him and our short time we spent together. Just silly little things. Anyway I am not sure if I am just second guessing my relationship now, or just going through one of those, what if stages in my life (I have been through my share of those)
Anyway, should I tell these guys? I feel like either way I am just going to make the wrong decision.
Now this guy I have been seeing, he wants things to get serious, but I dont, at least not yet, not until I figure this out. Maybe neither of them will end up being one that I am serious with.
Ok I am rambling, sorry, any advice will be taken
thanks
i dont belive dating some ne for a few month is enougth as to know them well enougth to decide marriage
you dont have to say NO
you dont have to say YES
you can ask him to wait til you have been dating for one year before talking about marriage
my best wishes of succes in wjhetever is your desition
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Manolito: Your situation is pretty deep and i do not think anyone else but you can give the answers because it all depends in how you feel about yourself and about either one of them.
what is obvious is that your current b/f wants to move the relation forward too fast for you. If this is the way you feel about this (regardless of why it is that you feel like that), then by all means just talk to him and ask him to take things a bit slower, give the relationship time to grow to its proper size in its proper time. If he is a good enough a man, he will understand. If he doesnt understand this, which is basically what you feel, then it means that he doesnt have the kind of respect to your feelings that the guy you want to marry should have.
But other than that:
-- without knowing how long you have been with this current guy (if "a few months is the answer, in my oppinion, it is too soon to be considering marriage UNLESS it is something that if felt deeply and strongly on both sides - clearly not the case),
--not knowing what went on with the other guy and why it was just for a few days, no one can give you good advise. But i can say this from my own experiance: A few days is not enough to judge; a few days can be all honey and courtesy - it usually is - when this might easily fade out in a longer period...
These are things that only you know and only you should know. therefore, the answers will have to come from you. the only sure thing is that if you are not feeling ready for marriage, you should not be rushed into it but neither should you put yourself in a position to be emotionally presured about it by not straightening it out in a constructive, loving way...
what is obvious is that your current b/f wants to move the relation forward too fast for you. If this is the way you feel about this (regardless of why it is that you feel like that), then by all means just talk to him and ask him to take things a bit slower, give the relationship time to grow to its proper size in its proper time. If he is a good enough a man, he will understand. If he doesnt understand this, which is basically what you feel, then it means that he doesnt have the kind of respect to your feelings that the guy you want to marry should have.
But other than that:
-- without knowing how long you have been with this current guy (if "a few months is the answer, in my oppinion, it is too soon to be considering marriage UNLESS it is something that if felt deeply and strongly on both sides - clearly not the case),
--not knowing what went on with the other guy and why it was just for a few days, no one can give you good advise. But i can say this from my own experiance: A few days is not enough to judge; a few days can be all honey and courtesy - it usually is - when this might easily fade out in a longer period...
These are things that only you know and only you should know. therefore, the answers will have to come from you. the only sure thing is that if you are not feeling ready for marriage, you should not be rushed into it but neither should you put yourself in a position to be emotionally presured about it by not straightening it out in a constructive, loving way...
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Justme4uok: Life is to short to settle, so if you think that combining them both would result in what you want then, you answered your own question. I think your biggest fear might be being alone.
I don't think my fear is being alone. I have been alone a long time.
I truly do not want to settle, but I don't want to end up hurt, or hurting someone.
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spicey1: Well I dont know, I agree that I shouldnt get married if there is any doubt, but there is definitely something about both of them. I almost wish I could combine the two.
I think it's a what if moment...BUT I also think if you don't see what really is first then you will always wonder....It's easy to look back on something that was so positive and lose sight of the fact that given it was only a couple of days together...it doesn't mean that things will be like that long-term....If you love the man speaking about marriage....then I suggest you have a talk with him to let him know you are not ready and why....and maybe take a break and date the other guy to satisfy your curiosity...I think this is probably something normal to look back for a time when we consider spending our lives with someone because we see it as forever and don't want to make the wrong choice!!!!!!!!
I don't see a problem with this...given the fact that you are not ready to get serious with the man thinking of marriage yet....
Regardless of what you decide...Good Luck darlin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Please read my thread titled "This Kind Of Love".
Perhaps it will help you.
It is about precisely this kind of situation.
HL
Perhaps it will help you.
It is about precisely this kind of situation.
HL
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Thanks all for the advice, I think I already know the answer, I just need to vent a bit, if that makes sense.
I dont think I have any fears as far as being alone, I think the only fear that I have at least right now, is that I will not make the right choice.
I dont think I have any fears as far as being alone, I think the only fear that I have at least right now, is that I will not make the right choice.
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Just be open and be honest..if you are second quessing anything..then its time to step back and re-think...
No one wants to be alone...but its the wrong idea to get married if you are really not sure...
If you have doubts then you need to act on that..ur inside is speaking out...Listen to ur heart...
All the best to you and what you do decide..
No one wants to be alone...but its the wrong idea to get married if you are really not sure...
If you have doubts then you need to act on that..ur inside is speaking out...Listen to ur heart...
All the best to you and what you do decide..
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Bump ugly's with one, either or both, BUT certainly discount serious with either or, till you know one or the other is worth getting serious for!
It sounds like you're lusting Mr sweet and a true too much for Mr serious to be a serious consideration.
It sounds like you're lusting Mr sweet and a true too much for Mr serious to be a serious consideration.
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spicey1: Thanks all for the advice, I think I already know the answer, I just need to vent a bit, if that makes sense.
I dont think I have any fears as far as being alone, I think the only fear that I have at least right now, is that I will not make the right choice.
I dont think I have any fears as far as being alone, I think the only fear that I have at least right now, is that I will not make the right choice.
Then my only advice would be dont make a choice until you are sure!
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There is one thing that I forgot to mention....reading through I realized its not there, I havent spoken to the one that I spent a few days with in months, and I am not even sure he knows that I moved (to a different state) So I feel like I am chasing a rainbow here.....
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Maybe I just need to start all over again and not even worry about either of them!
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spicey1: I was hoping to get some ideas from some people, and I wasn't sure how to approach it so I will just get straight to the point.
I have been dating someone for a few months now, and we get along well. He has started talking about marriage, and I don't know if I want to do that just yet. I am not saying no but I am not saying yes either.
Here is the problem, please don't judge...............................................
About a year ago, I met the most amazing guy, he was sweet and a true gentleman. He made me laugh and I had more fun then I had had in years. We only spent a few days together, and I have since moved.
I cannot stop thinking about him. It's not like he is my every thought, but there are always little things that remind me of him and our short time we spent together. Just silly little things. Anyway I am not sure if I am just second guessing my relationship now, or just going through one of those, what if stages in my life (I have been through my share of those)
Anyway, should I tell these guys? I feel like either way I am just going to make the wrong decision.
Now this guy I have been seeing, he wants things to get serious, but I dont, at least not yet, not until I figure this out. Maybe neither of them will end up being one that I am serious with.
Ok I am rambling, sorry, any advice will be taken
thanks
I have been dating someone for a few months now, and we get along well. He has started talking about marriage, and I don't know if I want to do that just yet. I am not saying no but I am not saying yes either.
Here is the problem, please don't judge...............................................
About a year ago, I met the most amazing guy, he was sweet and a true gentleman. He made me laugh and I had more fun then I had had in years. We only spent a few days together, and I have since moved.
I cannot stop thinking about him. It's not like he is my every thought, but there are always little things that remind me of him and our short time we spent together. Just silly little things. Anyway I am not sure if I am just second guessing my relationship now, or just going through one of those, what if stages in my life (I have been through my share of those)
Anyway, should I tell these guys? I feel like either way I am just going to make the wrong decision.
Now this guy I have been seeing, he wants things to get serious, but I dont, at least not yet, not until I figure this out. Maybe neither of them will end up being one that I am serious with.
Ok I am rambling, sorry, any advice will be taken
thanks
Think if you're feeling "pressured" because this guy wants to take your relationship to the next level then you're not ready and should say so. Nothing wrong with saying that ....... but its also not fair to string him along either if you don't ever think that there is a possibility of a more committed relationship in the future.
As for this other guy who you had a brief interaction with - it was fun etc., but you moved away and didn't even keep in contact with him ........... think that if you were really into him then you would have kept in touch at least, regardless of the miles. Thinking about someone and actually being in contact with them are too different levels. A fantasy is just that - doesn't make it bad/good ..... just thoughts.
So unless you have a burning in your heart to find this guy again - I'd probably let it go.
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my opinion is that before you make any decisions, you need to get in touch with the original guy and see if he still has any feelings for you- did he feel the same way.?
if not, then you still need to reevaluate your feelings for the current man, only fair to him. i would maybe say...'i appreciate your feelings, but don't feel i am ready to talk marriage, can't we just see how things go for longer?' If he loves you ( which he should if he is thinking of marrying you), he should appreciate your honesty. good luck
if not, then you still need to reevaluate your feelings for the current man, only fair to him. i would maybe say...'i appreciate your feelings, but don't feel i am ready to talk marriage, can't we just see how things go for longer?' If he loves you ( which he should if he is thinking of marrying you), he should appreciate your honesty. good luck
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I have been dating someone for a few months now, and we get along well. He has started talking about marriage, and I don't know if I want to do that just yet. I am not saying no but I am not saying yes either.
Here is the problem, please don't judge...............................................
About a year ago, I met the most amazing guy, he was sweet and a true gentleman. He made me laugh and I had more fun then I had had in years. We only spent a few days together, and I have since moved.
I cannot stop thinking about him. It's not like he is my every thought, but there are always little things that remind me of him and our short time we spent together. Just silly little things. Anyway I am not sure if I am just second guessing my relationship now, or just going through one of those, what if stages in my life (I have been through my share of those)
Anyway, should I tell these guys? I feel like either way I am just going to make the wrong decision.
Now this guy I have been seeing, he wants things to get serious, but I dont, at least not yet, not until I figure this out. Maybe neither of them will end up being one that I am serious with.
Ok I am rambling, sorry, any advice will be taken
thanks