Political Jokes ( Archived) (5)

Money from God

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks,

but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter

requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA,

they decided to send it to the President.

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to

send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear

to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write

a thank-you note to God, which read:

Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.

However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it

through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys

deducted $95.00 in taxes.

An Alberta cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote, mountainous
pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW rolls up through a cloud of
dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban
sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I
tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will
you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects
it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the
Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an
exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite
that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within
seconds, he receives an e-mail on his Palm Pilot that the image has been
processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database
through an ODBC connected Excel Spreadsheet with e-mail on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. He then prints
out a full page, color report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet
printer and turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows
and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the
Cowboy.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused
as he tries to stuff it into the back of his Bemer.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly
what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why
not?"

"You're an executive assistant to a Member of Parliament for the
Canadian Government", says the cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even
though nobody called you; you wanted me to pay you to respond to a
question I never asked and for an answer that I already knew. You tried
to show me how much smarter than me you were; and you didn't know a
thing about cows. As a matter of fact, this is a herd of sheep."

"Now give me back my dog."

Campaigning in a rural area

A politician was campaigning in a rural area. Outside a ramshackle house, he saw a young man milking a cow.

He approached the man, ready to make his pitch for a vote. Just as he was getting started, an old man called from inside the house. "Luke, get in the house. And who is that guy you're talking to?"

"Says he's a politician, Pop," Luke said.

"In that case, you'd better bring the cow inside with you."

Politicians
A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians, he buries them.

The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?"

The farmer answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."