prairiewoman2: My standards refine over time. They change as I do with time. The list is not long but there are some points on it that I won't waiver on.
Mind you I remain single.
I'm looking for the one that can tolerate me
I had a list of standards, but to be honest, I did find someone that has those standards, I just did not anticipate it would be someone like the person I am with.
JMO, if the standards are unrealistic, it won't happen, but you never know where you will find that person. My standards had to do with not having the red flags I looked for that warns me that a person is not the right one. Did I imagine my partner would come in the size he did???.... no, but I keep saying I love hugging teddy bears ... I found a great person, who has the patience, and has been there for my family (parents) while we are going through a very rough time.
Neither one of us is perfect but I always wondered if I made my expectations of what I wanted, what kind of expectations the other person made.
First of all Happy New Years to everyone and wishing you all a great 2011.
Now back to the question at hand I thought about this and I do not think personally my own needs in a partner has dropped I've never really looked at it as another person meets my standards or not. I try to look at it as what do I need to have in a partner to give the relationship the best chance of working for both him and myself.
I think we all or should know who we are by now and we have had enough experience to know what surely will not work so we tend to try and look for someone that we hope is honest enough to admit whom they are as well and go from there. I am here and if it happens that I do meet someone great, but if not I do not - was not meant to be.
Why drop your ideals when you know two months down the road it will not work and then two people are hurt and lives disrupted? I'm more the type I guess to throw my cards on the table and if you do not like thats fine I do not expect everyone to like me, but I do have what I need to have listed on my profile and I do not say they are etched in stone it is just a beginning - who knows what the future holds?
Christmas1: I have changed over time...I better have!!! I have matured. Standards...ie morals...no my morals are the same. There are some things I may treat with a somewhat loose attitude and other things I am staunch about. What I need from a partner has not changed but the degree of it has. I am more mellow. More open. More forgiving. But don't cross me twice cause I don't forgive a second time.
When I read this, it made me think of this thread ...
Fable of the porcupine It was the coldest winter ever. - Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions. After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.
Moral of the story: The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.
The moral of the story is: Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life!
KHD100: When I read this, it made me think of this thread ...Fable of the porcupine It was the coldest winter ever. - Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions. After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.
Moral of the story: The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.
The moral of the story is: Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life!
Not quite the Aesop's fables that I remember....but a life lesson nevertheless.
Well I am not sure but maybe we should be changing the word standards with the word characteristics. I think standards can be adopted by an individual but may not always remain constant. Characteristics or personality traits are inherent and are an indication of the core values of a person. I think to demand certain standards in our partner can be the ruin of the relationship. We can however command standards. To command has several meanings and one such meaning is To deserve and receive as due. An example would be that we cannot demand respect but we can command respect by the way we choose to live our life.
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Mind you I remain single.
I'm looking for the one that can tolerate me