i almost cried
bought a cheap
gas bottle
a friend was up visiting
said a neighbor moved out
gave it to him saying
its almost full
saying its three times
the size of the gas bottle
which you have there

how much do want for it i said
seeing a chance
of a bargain
30 euros he said
managed to get it
for 20 euros
telling him
i am taking a chance
it might not work
smiling into myself

got it back to the place
carried it around the back
got a jublie clip
connected them together
went in began putting on a fry
cooking away almost done
i turn
my niece walks in the door

she gives me one
awful push screaming
into flames
roaring saying
the place
is on fire
all the hairs
on my arms went up in smoke
caught a bucket of water
throwing it upon the flames
my hair catches fire
my niece
was roaring laughing
at this stage

ran around the back ripped
the gas bottle out of the wall
run in with another bucket of water
dousing the flames
ran to the barrel of water dipping my hand in
only now i am shaking with shock
that stupid gas bottle has just
cost me a clean fortune

should of known
it was to good to be true
put creams for burns on
had a sleepless night
but everything is ok
just have hairless arms
sick working at
repairing the damage

that is me
finished with gas bottles
my niece said she could
not help laughing
even i was in flames
she said it was the fastest
she ever saw me moving
with your hair on fire
it was like something out
of a movie

she said
it did not seem real
that she was shocked
stood and done nothing
my father today
began laughing

he said my arms
he never seen them
looking so smooth looking
a better job
than waxing he said
a mad story
from the hills
of donegal

imagine that
an idiot almost
blew himself up
laughing out loud
into myself ha ha