jlw45 Forum Posts (15,566)

RE: Do you meditate? Does it help you to relieve stress or do you use other methods?.......

one of my favorite meditation chants is.......owhaaaaa....tay gooooo...siam......

RE: Do you meditate? Does it help you to relieve stress or do you use other methods?.......

oooops..........

RE: Do you meditate? Does it help you to relieve stress or do you use other methods?.......

thanks for pointing out the obvious, holland ........

RE: Do you meditate? Does it help you to relieve stress or do you use other methods?.......

i need a tranqualizer right now, for posting all those stupid jokes .......

hmmm....i wonder

thats the starfish, right?

hmmm....i wonder

sucks

hmmm....i wonder

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

three travelers

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"

The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?"

"I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.

"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American.

He responds, "I'll take the Mexican."

RE: State Fair

thirsty cowboy....

There was this Texas cowboy and he had been riding his horse across the great plains on his way to California nonstop. Both him and his horse had gone days without sleep. As he rode in to one of the few towns on his trip he decided to stop in at the saloon and get a shot of wiskey to satisfy his thirst. As he got off his horse he realized that since his horse had not slept in a few days it might fall asleep now that they had finally stoped and it might take a few hours to wake his horse up.

He grabed this young indian who just happened to be walking by and told him of his predicament, he then asked the indian if he could run back and forth in front of his horse to keep it awake while he was tending his thirst in the bar. The indian agreed.

After a few drinks the cowboy forgot about the trip as he made friends and drank down round after round in the bar. As the hours past a cowboy entered the front door of the sallon and asked who owned the brown and white horse out front.

The cowboy who owned the horse said "I do so what about it?"

Well replied the cowboy you left your INGIN' RUNNIN'.....

the tenth husband.....

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

has anyone noticed....

is it a good finger or a bad finger?

tall texas tale....

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on a lonesome Texas prarie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins.

The first one says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands."

The second cowboy can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen-foot rattlesnake slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."

The third cowboy remained silent, silently stirring the coals with his hands.

has anyone noticed....

oh there you go giving me the finger again......

city folk.....

A man from the city is out plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground.

A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. You need a mule to plow such wet ground he says.

"Where can I buy one?" he is asked.

Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars he says.

"I'll take him," says the other man as he counts out the money.

I can't bring him over today. I don't work on Sunday morrow OK?

"Sure."

The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says, "sorry, bad news."

I went out after breakfeast and the mule was dead.

The city feller says just give me my money back then.

"Can't, spent it already!"

"Well... unload the mule then."

"What ya gonna do with him?"

"Raffle him off!"

"Naw, ya cant raffle off a dead mule!"

"Just watch me us! City fellers know a few tricks."

One month goes by and the city feller and farmer run into each other at the barber shop.

"What did ya do with that dead mule?"

"Raffled him off, sold 100 tickets at two dollars each and made 98 dollars profit."

"Didn't anyone complain?"

"Just one guy so I gave him his two dollars back!"

has anyone noticed....

i geuss thats better then teli savalis ....who loves ya, baby?

has anyone noticed....

the actor? ....naaaa....he's got more hair then i do ....... ....hair's over rated anyway .....

has anyone noticed....

that george w. bush lookas an awful lot like the queen of england?

a georgia farmer.....

>A GEORGIA farmer was selling his peaches door to door.
>
>He knocked on a door and a shapely 40 something lady dressed in a very sheer
>negligee answered the door.
>
>He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, "Would you like to
>buy some peaches?"
>
>She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, "Are they as firm
>as this?"
>
>He nodded his head and said, "Yes ma'am," and a little tear ran from his
>eye.
>
>Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, "Are they nice
>and pink like this?"
>
>The farmer said, "Yes," and another tear came from the other eye.
>
>Then the lady unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, "Are they as
>fuzzy as this?"
>
>He again said, "Yes," and broke down crying.
>
>The lady asked, "Why on earth are you crying?"
>
>Drying his eyes he replied, "The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy
>beans, a tornado leveled my barn and now I'm gonna get screwed out of my
>peaches."

RE: Whats your favorite quote?

opposites do attract......they attract divorce lawyers....---------{unknown}

RE: Whats your favorite quote?

Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master.--------george washington

RE: Lovemaking tips for seniors

..........

RE: all bi girls!!!!!

RE: Is it acceptable to tell a complete stranger that she is beautiful?

thats just the way i like 'em

RE: Is it acceptable to tell a complete stranger that she is beautiful?

i think it fine ,as long as your not breathing real heavy when you say it

RE: all bi girls!!!!!

im a lesbian ,trapped in a mans body

RE: Canadian army

i'll take a double DITTO, with a cherry on top

RE: Republicans trick people into voting for them

HEY...what does texas have to do with it?...ooops....sorry....mis-read

RE: Republicans trick people into voting for them

''Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master.''-------George Whashington

RE: Republicans trick people into voting for them

HERE HERE