cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
Nite folks... cos its now 2:50am here in Ireland,am gonna hit the sack... Tomorrow is another day to be lived and I wanna be bright eyed and bushy tailed.... Talk to you all soon.
Hi folks. Am new here. Just using my locohobo sidekick to get started while awaiting profile being ok'ed. Just felt like saying... read some of your postings I'm hooked already. Look forward to getting to know you all.
Ah sure ya know how it is hon.. Had to keep tabs on some of these kids.. (and before anyone takes offence at my use of the word "Kids".... I use it in an endearing way!!!)
Yea!! Kinda guessed it would be rough.. But your getting there...TG
Oh! BTW... Love the pic....
You look like Bill Gates bank balance statement...
You may not know that many non-living things have a gender. For example:
Ziplock bags are Male. They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
Copiers are Female. They are female because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
Tyres are Male because they go bald and are often over-inflated.
Sponges are Female because they're soft, squeezable and retain water. Hot Air Balloons are Male because to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.
The Web Page is Female because it's always getting hit on.
The Subway is Male because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
The Hourglass is Female because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
A Hammer is Male because it hasn't changed much over the last 5000 years, but it's handy to have around.
The Remote Control is Female. Yes, you thought it would be male. But consider this -it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer thing 9. Full of thoughtful surprises 10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner 4. Listens more than talks 5. Laughs at my jokes 6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal 9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries 10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly 2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car 3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally 4. Nods head when I'm talking 5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes 6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach 8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids 9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down 10. Shaves most weekends
What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed 2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public 3. Doesn't borrow money too often 4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting 5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times 6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends 7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 8. Appreciates a good TV dinner 9. Remembers your name on occasion 10. Shaves some weekends
What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children 2. Remembers where bathroom is 3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep 4. Only snores lightly when asleep 5. Remembers why he's laughing 6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself 7. Usually wears some clothes 8. Likes soft foods 9. Remembers where he left his teeth 10. Remembers that it's the weekend
A miner comes out of the hills, enters a bar, orders a drink. Looking around, he asks the bartender, "Hey, where?re all the wimmin?"
The Barman replies, "Ain?t no wimmin here, not fer a long time."
"Well what do y?all do?"
"We do it with the animals."
Thoroughly disgusted, he ordered another drink and headed back to the hills.
Months later, same story... After downing too many whiskeys he asked the bartender, "You?re sure you do it with the animals?"
"Yes, we do, sir"
Hearing this, he raced into the street and saw a pig run into an alley. He chased after it and started having his way with it, the pig squealing. After a while he heard a noise behind him. He turned to look and saw half the town, horrified.
The bartender was in front and said, "My God, man, what are you doing?"
"I thought you said you all did it with the animals."
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar. They are staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
He's so familiar and nor recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare until suddenly the Irishman twigs "My God, it's Jesus!"
Sure enough, it is Jesus nursing a pint.
Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guiness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes his hand, thanking him for the Guiness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: " My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"
Jesus then thanks the Aussie for the Fosters and shakes his hand. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. "Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle!"
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who knocks over a chair and table trying to get away from the Son of God.
"What's wrong?" says Jesus.
The Scouser shouts "F..k off, I'm on disability benefit!"
Hello?" "Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?" "No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul." After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul." "Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now." Brief Pause. "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway." "Okay Daddy, just a minute." A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy." "And what happened honey?" he asked. "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!" "Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?" "He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead." ***Long Pause*** ***Longer Pause*** ***Even Longer Pause*** Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? . . . Is this 486-5731?
A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something. The boy continues. "Johnny!" mum screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something." He stops and eventually mom leaves for a short trip to the store. Johnny starts up with the balloon again. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet. Mum comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge. A diarrhoea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes. When she's finished she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. Diarrhoea everywhere! She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything. When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and Diarrhoea is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc. "Doctor! Doctor! Are you alright?" she asks. He says, "I've been in this job for over 30 years..... and this is the first time I've ever seen a fart
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to start a conversation.................................
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ... and stay for breakfast.
They have a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.
The guy is amazed!! Everything has been SO incredible!!!!
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
Not an old Irish saying but in a few thousand years it could very well be.. "Why make trouble for others or make their lives awkward when they do such a good job of it for themselves"!!
OK
Now that we've had Ireland North, East and West...
locohobo Forum Posts (385)
A numbers game...
Hey folks...Dont know if its a no-no, But check it out...
Its MAGIC !!!!!