famajac Forum Posts (14)

RE: what do you do when you're in a bad mood??

Sweat. Hiking, racquetball .. dancing even .. something that feels like it's cleansing all that toxicity and negativity out of my system.

RE: I'm HOT

Entirely too mean of you to rub it in .. there's a foot and a half of snow on the ground here, and it's been 10 degrees below freezing for a week already .. welcome to northern Canada. I'm going back to Tennessee.

RE: Ever get frustrated...

OMG .. i just got a visual of someone winding you up like an old crop duster ... the things I think of, I don't know

RE: NOT a deadbeat Dad.....

No wisdom here, I'm afraid, wikked, just a whole lot of empathy for where you are, and a story to share.

For what it's worth, I _know_ how it feels to wonder if you're doing the right thing, if they'd be better off with their dad ...I was working a huge project in the U.S., and I let her Dad convince me she'd be better off with him, so I let her go for the school year -- 500 miles away! (If I'm completely honest, I had reached that point we single parents can sometimes get to where I was _tired_, just tired of dealing with the entire load of job/parenting/etc., and I wasn't hard to convince.)

Worst 10 months of my life. I talked to her everyday, saw her at least once/month ..and my heart ached. I worried constantly. I swear to you it took more energy to worry about her than it did to work out the details when she was with me. End of the school year, I brought her home and that's where she has stayed since.

Two things I will offer up ... be wary of letting guilt over your past misdeeds make you somehow think you're a lesser person/parent than he is ... who you were is who you _were_ and we all cope with life using the strategies we have at hand at the time. You love those girls, and that's the most important thing you can give your kids. (I finally learned that lesson when I let her go to her father' -- very nice, very stable, very responsible man as compared to the wild child I've been -- but he's very withholding and judgemental, and he doesn't make her feel _loved_ and special and important. I may not do everything like June Cleaver, but dammit, my kid _knows_ I love her more than life itself.) And I'd avoid linking the "give me everything" to the issue of custody in any way, 'cause I'd worry that the girls might think they were given over in trade. If he's a good parent, and the kids want to go live with him, AND you think you can live without them on a daily basis, then do it. If not, then don't.

Those girls of yours are darn lucky to have two parents who love them so much!

RE: Would You Tell???

was kidding ... didn't mean to offend

RE: Ever get frustrated...

Never thought of that, wikked. You're probably right!

RE: Would You Tell???

I'd let _him_ explain how he got the black eye.

RE: Ever get frustrated...

That was enough of a picture for me, thank you!

*Ahem* To get back to the topic at hand, I hear you about the generalizations re: single parenting. I've been one for most of my daughter's life. She's fine. I'm fine. No need for sympathy here .. and if I wanted to spend my time with a "friend with benefits," I would. What makes certain men think we're easy prey is their own medieval mindset that tells them we're all looking for providers. BTW, while I'm on THAT subject .. why do men _complain_ that women on here are looking for "sugar daddies," but _insist_ on posing for their pictures in front of their sports cars/Hummers/whatever? You get what you advertise for, I say!

RE: Who Really Has The Weight Problem??

Reubenesque! Good word, wikked. Myself, I prefer "well-rounded" -- speaks to both my body and my character! Hey, according to the stats, I'm the average size of the North American woman .. same size as Marilyn Monroe was, but she was of a different era, and tastes have changed, I suppose. I'll just take my mom's word for it .. for every size and shape of woman, God made a man who likes us that way!

RE: Where do YOU get your inner strength from?

"In my daughter's eyes
I am a hero..
I am strong and wise
And I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I want to be
In my daughter's eyes ..."

My inner strength comes from knowing that the powers that be sent this child to save me from myself, knowing that my internal structure includes a core of responsibility that wouldn't ever let me let her down. So, for years I did the "fake it 'til you make it" thing ... until now, at 40, I know there isn't anything I can't handle. So, when the going gets rough, I repeat my mother's motto "and this, too, shall pass" and keep on keepin' on. (Brings to mind another country tune ..

"If you're going through hell
Keep on movin'
Don't slow down
Walk right through it
You might get out
'fore the devil even knows you're there!"

RE: i have the sudden urge to...

Good lord, people. I obviously go to bed WAY too early .. I'm staying up later so I don't miss all the fun. This was hilarious!

RE: How much is to much freedom when it comes to our children

You're exactly right, wikked. You have to pick your battles. Sure, her room is a MESS, but her average is over 90. She argues with me, but she's respectful (it's a real challenge having a smart kid, isn't it . . their arguments are generally valid and well-thought out, keeping us all on our toes.) And I agree that you don't make their minds. She is who she is, different from me, but I still really try to remember what it was like to be 15, so I can have some empathy for her position, and I have to remember the basic idea that past behavior is a good indicator of future actions .. she's not given me any reason not to trust her, so I have to go on that basis. She knows full well that if she gives me a reason I'll drop the hammer and, as she says, "make her life miserable." She's just too smart to want that to happen.

RE: How much is to much freedom when it comes to our children

Sounds to me, Twingles, like you're doing just fine. I struggle with the same issues (my "baby" is 15), especially since it seems in lots of ways that I'm one of the few who is trying to hold the line. Having other parents around like you helps ... you are absolutely right to expand freedom when it's safe to do so, and to keep a tighter reign when you're not sure. I tell mine two things, frequently: "I love you enough to say no, even tho' I know you'll _hate_ me for awhile," and "It's not my job to be your _friend_ .. I'm your mother. Friendship can come when you're responsible for yourself." I'm probably still her most-used sounding board, and we talk a great deal, but there's that line, and it sounds like you're walking it just fine. Keep up the good work!

RE: How do you know when you are truly in love .

Ok, now THAT made me laugh out loud ...