How much is to much freedom when it comes to our children (7)

My daughter is now 13 years old and I have raised her to be respectful, polite, and all the rest of the good things. So far so good for a teenager.

When she was younger she wanted to color her hair.. School didn't like it but as a blonde she looked good as a Red Head. The hair grows back so no big deal.. now she does it all the time.. except no blues and stuff unless it is that wash out in a few weeks stuff.

She wanted to wear make-up when she was 9 years old... ok no problem.. only at home and if I have to scrape it off your face with a puddie knife then it is gone... well that didn't last to long as she had moms permission LOL

So now she is 13 has colored her hair ( wants to grow it natural again), wears make-up now that she is in Jr. High, has to be in the house at 9:30pm ( generally in sooner). I try to give my daughter the freedom to make her own positive choices while she is still under my roof so that I can guide her.

Last night she went with 3 other friends to W.E.M. for a teenage thing that was going on there and wasn't home till almost one in the morning.. yes she had my permission.

Just little things I permit her to do when it is safe to do so. She knows the rules and the consequence for not obeying the rules.

I know that each child is different, but my question is... Now a days how much is to much freedom?

I just take things as they come. Not long ago I said I didn't want my daughter to be hanging out at the mall with her friends. Now it doesn't seem like a big deal. What seemed scary (to me) for an 11 year old doesn't when she is 13. I have to stop myself from thinking too far ahead, for example she has had a 'boyfriend' for over a year and although so far they have not have had much of a chance to spend time alone together, that could change in a couple of years. I have to trust that she will make smart choices as I know I will not have the ability to monitor her every move. I know so far she has, I have to accept that it is her life and she will probably make mistakes (hopefully not as many as I did- I was a depressed and eventually self-destructive adolescent). Being a parent is knowing when to trust them, and knowing what limits to set. Not the easiest thing in the world especially when other parents seem to set no limits for their kids.

Play it by ear depending on the child of course.

I tend to believe that when they're in a situation where outside factors pose any sort of risk is where I have to start making tougher decisions.

Too many p*dophile, poor drivers, bad parents etc to just have them running around with poor supervision.

I agree with you. Too many whacko's out there that you have to be careful when it comes to your children's safety no matter the age now a days.

I think it all depends on the child's maturity and the area you live in etc...Every parent and family is different.

Sounds to me, Twingles, like you're doing just fine. I struggle with the same issues (my "baby" is 15), especially since it seems in lots of ways that I'm one of the few who is trying to hold the line. Having other parents around like you helps ... you are absolutely right to expand freedom when it's safe to do so, and to keep a tighter reign when you're not sure. I tell mine two things, frequently: "I love you enough to say no, even tho' I know you'll _hate_ me for awhile," and "It's not my job to be your _friend_ .. I'm your mother. Friendship can come when you're responsible for yourself." I'm probably still her most-used sounding board, and we talk a great deal, but there's that line, and it sounds like you're walking it just fine. Keep up the good work!

I'm in EXACTLY the same position you are in twingles...right down to the hair/makeup...

I'm doing pretty much the same thing as you...and choosing my "battles" very carefully....she is a straight A high academic student and needs to feel her hard work counts for something...so i do find myself tending to lean towards giving her what will make her happy as long as its not an "extreme"...and providing her grades remain the same....

I cannot imagine what it would be like to be at school in this day and age...and i'll tell you girls can be more brutal than the boys any day of the week...

The most i can hope for is that all that i taught her will come into play when she is out there and has to make decisions for herself...

You make your children...you don't make their minds...